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Usually the rule I hear is, at a minimum, the greater of a) the per plate cost for each attendee on your invite or b) $50/person. If you are part of the wedding party, some people would say do more and some people would say you can do less since you incur costs to be in the wedding. But, the truth is, you need to do whatever you can afford if it’s less than these “rules.” Weddings shouldn’t be about making money off guests.
I agree with this. The only time I never gave a give as a bridesmaid was when I had to spend $600 on the bridesmaid dress and nearly $2,000 on the flight and hotel. There was also the $800 I put towards the bachelorette party. That wedding wiped me out!
Do what you can afford, especially if you’re traveling. Given you have so many you seem to want to attend take that into consideration. If you don’t want to go, covid safety can be a good excuse and just send a gift. Don’t feel pressure to reimburse them for their spending choices.
Agreed A9. My choices are my own including who to invite. I invite you because I want you there and it’s as fancy as I’m willing to pay for without regard to what gift you’re getting me.
The rule of etiquette is to bring a gift that will cover the cost of the dinner and drinks provided. That generally costs at least $100 per person, but can be more based on the venue.
There's a difference between politely recognizing the couple with a gift for their home and being told, essentially, you're expected to pay your way when you have no control over how much they decide to spend on the wedding. Maybe it's a regional thing, or my family is just too working class to have talked about it, but I've never heard of such a rule. It wouldn't have made sense when people got married in the church and had cake and punch afterwards. Weddings haven't always been multivenue $100+ per plate catered affairs.
Rising Star
$50 per guest was the rule I was taught. So $100 between the two of you
Agree with Associate 4 above that was the perfect way to put it.
I agree with A1, I typically spend $50. If it’s a really close friend, $100 or $150.
In a lot of cases the cost per person is closer to $100 each, so I give $200-$250 as a gift from my boyfriend and I
You should cover your plates. Most of the time the price per person can be found online (wedding sites or venue website). Typically $150+ per person.
It also depends a bit on geography and your jobs. Especially for family members. I live in NYC and have a good job so I'd pay $150+ per plate, more if I'm close to the couple or they're family.
Pro
Pay for your plates/drinks (black tie formal wedding is at least $100) then add $50-100 depending how close you are to them. So $250 min.
Another question I’m interested to hear responses for. Do you take traveling to a wedding into account? We have several weddings that we will have to fly to and get a hotel for. Do you ever take this into account for your gift?
Pro
I try to give whatever I was going to give regardless of traveling. But, you have to consider what you’re able to do. Screw anyone for being upset at you for your gift not being good enough - under any circumstances. You give what you can. It’s not about the gifts, or at least it shouldn’t be.
I used to spend $50—now that I’m making more money I’ll usually do $100. I definitely do $100 if I’m not attending which is actually probably backwards because they aren’t spending any money on me then. Sometimes I feel guilty about not going and I’m saving money by not traveling to the wedding.
Where do you live? Most of the weddings I go to are in the Midwest or south. I think $100 is reasonable for those.
Looking at this thread I realize I have been way cheap with wedding gifts! Most of the weddings I have attended have required travel. So after plane, hotel, etc plus buying a bridesmaids dress if I’m in the wedding, I’m kinda tapped out lol. But good to know what the standard is.
What’s the consensus if you’re in the wedding? Was never sure if this meant your gift should be larger or smaller than a typical guest (because you spend a lot of money being in the wedding). I’ve always thought larger, but I’ve heard smaller
I bought sentimental but not expensive gifts when I was in a wedding. I bought a customized ring dish with their initials and a customized “first married Christmas” ornament. I got both off of Etsy for about $30 combined.
$250-$300 per couple. Cover your plate plus maybe a little extra as a gift. As an aside, In the Eastern European culture you only gift money at weddings. I was shocked to see people bring actual presents (toasters) as wedding gifts.