{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "What life and relationship advice would you give your early 30s self in hindsight? I’m F in my early 30s, got disappointed by someone who I thought was the love of my life. I wanted a life and family together and ex walked out of my life. Currently finding my own joy and rebuilding life at this stage in life.", "post_id": "5ebace5f7bdbf6001a3b819b", "reply_count": 26, "vote_count": 18, "bowl_id": "5e6fe1c31f5e51001d267e46", "bowl_name": "The Work-Life Bowl", "feed_type": "bowl" }

What life and relationship advice would you give your early 30s self in hindsight? I’m F in my early 30s, got disappointed by someone who I thought was the love of my life. I wanted a life and family together and ex walked out of my life. Currently finding my own joy and rebuilding life at this stage in life.

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Best relationship advice I ever got: it’s supposed to be easy, not always easy but if the other person isn’t lightening your load overall, it’s not the right person

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Divorced after 12 years, college sweetheart. Met someone a yr later on New Year’s Eve. We just knew. Never looked back. That was 16 years ago, married for 15. Even the ‘hard’ is easy for us. So, yes, it can be ‘easy’, even the work it takes.

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I could be a little early here but 27 F and kind of already given up on men 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Hmm...I had given up on women when I was 27, and pretty much stayed single for the next 5 years

I’m in the same exact situation at 33 so looking forward to hearing others responses. You’re not alone 💕

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Don’t be hyper concerned with having a timeline for everything. I stayed with my ex for entirely too long because I was scared of starting over and meeting a new person at 34. I eventually did and am now married (I was 37 when we tied the knot). I’m also not freaking out over fertility despite my friends bringing this up to me 24/7. It’s good to have a plan but not when it becomes a detriment to your mental health. Things will happen when they happen. Some things you unfortunately can’t project manage despite your best efforts, you have to just let the chips fall where they may.

likeupliftinghelpful

This is helpful! The “afraid of starting over” sentiment is very real

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I’m 30 F now and I’d say I shouldn’t have stayed as long as I did in my previous relationship. I wanted it to work out so bad that I was changing so much of myself to fit what he wanted and in the end it still wasn’t good enough. Wasted my prime years with him only for him to turn around and tell me he wasn’t sure if he wanted to marry me and that I should move on coz he didn’t want to string me along. He was a horrible person for what he did. I’d honestly say listen to your heart, deep down we usually know if something doesn’t feel right but because of our age, societal pressure, the time invested in the relationship, the fear of starting over, we hold on just a little bit longer in the hope that things will become better. It’s taken me almost a year to heal and I’d say I’m not 💯 there yet but have made such great progress. As someone already said above, when it’s right, it’s light. Everyday that comes you’re a day closer to the person who is right for you. I can’t wait to meet him one day and build our lives together. Just know what you want from a relationship and say it very early on so that men don’t waste your time, a lot of them don’t know what they want and will take you along into their confusion.

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I let myself feel all the emotions. I cut all communication from him, even when he tried to reach out I ignored and blocked him. I didn’t force myself to try and move on (it was my first serious relationship). I talked about it, went through counselling, travelled a bit too. And most of all I’m Waiting it out, time makes a difference. I try to go on dates every now and then but the guys seem to only want to sleep with you and no real commitment so that has been a bit tough but everyday is an opportunity to try again. It’s okay not to feel okay all the time. Allow yourself to feel everything.

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Watch what they do, not what they say. Invest in those that invest in you. You will know when it’s right. You will know because you don’t have to ask.

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Thank you A1

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That was me too. I married a man who was not a bad guy, but he came from a wealthy family and always thought he knew best, very arrogant and had a hard time understanding that people saw things differently than him. I was not the best version of myself with him, I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. I would say this: if you don’t feel like the best version of yourself, you are not with the right person. I was with him for 10 years, we got divorced and I felt so liberated! I took my life back and have been authentically myself for the past 10 years... best feeling ever! I met my bf 4 years ago and he appreciates me like my ex never did. I said to him once, “you don’t try to change me”, he said “there’s nothing to change.” Stay where you are valued, it’s an incredible feeling!

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Honestly, I stayed with him for way too long. And we faced a particular situation which affected my family and I knew I had to leave. If he doesn’t make you feel great and appreciate you, criticizes things you like because he doesn’t like them (if it happens a lot, and it’s done in a way of putting you down)... leave, he’s not the one. The man of your life would never make you feel bad about yourself!

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I got divorced at 33 because I was too focused on my job. Best advice I can give here is to find a company that provides you with better life balance because it’s just not worth it!

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35yo divorced last year with whom I thought was my one. Were together 7 years and they were previously married. I’d say, communicate, communicate, communicate! If you don’t work as a team it won’t work well. Lastly, don’t try to be a fixer, meaning “Todd is good, but if I can fix one or two things he’d be right for me.” You have to love them as they are. Learned that through heartbreak. Met an incredible person recently and had to forgo a relationship with them, as awesome as they are, because of that.

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Be honest from the jump. Don’t date anyone younger than 28. If you have a “list” really think about why you are DQing partners.

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Disqualify. Like the list of deal breakers

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Freeze yer eggs

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Aggressively pursue your relationships as aggressively as you pursue work. Keep your standards high. Party a lot. Travel with your friends. Enjoy life. I wish I did this.

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I don’t think you always just know. In my 20s I was always into men that strung me along and who were more mysterious than truly giving. That push and pull creates a chemistry that is unhealthy but addicting. I had to train myself to not dismiss people when I didn’t have that feeling. It wasn’t that we didn’t have chemistry, it was that it was healthy so there wasn’t that addiction feeling. I could never say that “I just knew” with the man I’m with now at 33. But he is incredibly kind and giving and convinces me everyday that this relationship is worth it. Sometimes things take time and unlearning.

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I’m 30 and honestly, hearing some of my friends go through divorce/marriage problems, I’d rather be single than miserable. It’s not all roses on the other side.

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I agree but there is a strong pressure to “find someone”. It’s sort of counter culture to be single and be happy (gasp!). I’m 30 and single too. Still working on the happy part but that would not be solved by being with someone, imo.

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Its tough in current environment as you can't go out, social and meet people. Find what you want to do and do it. Going to purse a project I have been thinking about in last little while and will pursue it once lock down is lifted. Sad thing is crisis always happened and good thing is crisis always ended

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Where is a new build???

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Yeah you're right. It cuts after two lines instead of expanding.

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Post without company

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But once again not posting

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Do you prefer Starwood or Marriott and why? I have roughly half points in both but thinking of focusing on one now.

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ATL Peeps: any NYE party recommendations?? Don't wanna do Buckhead Ball and don't particularly need an open bar. Want something that'll be super fun, not college-y, and under $50 cover. Help!

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Just completed filling out 20 feedback requests. My LEAD inbox is finally empty.

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$2500 client expense, who wants to charge it in??? Me!!!!! Poinnntttsssss!!!!

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Deloitte folks, do you know if the corp green Amex has accident insurance? (Car rental)..contd

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Started doing “Lyft” in college and now part time. Here are my stats

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Sitting next to a baby on the plane playing with his moms iPhone. Little bastard is setting alarms... This tops em all.

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Working remote tomorrow. Time to break out the Broncos themed Jello shots!! 🔶🔷

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How do you stay motivated after several late nights, especially when I don’t like the work. Should I just start looking at other jobs?

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So what are you replacing your SPG card with?

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Are there any benefits of marriage other than fulfilling a social norm and tax benefits. I’m trying to make sure I make an educated decision and look at all the pros and cons before signing a contract with someone which basically gives them 50% equity for everything in my life. Am I looking at this the wrong way?

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