{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "What to do if you regret having a child with someone?", "post_id": "5f9aaa32225bcb0024c50205", "reply_count": 11, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

What to do if you regret having a child with someone?

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If still early in pregnancy phase, abort.

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How long after birth did this happen? After my first, I spent about a year thinking about leaving my husband. He just wasn’t in it like I expected. I told him how I felt, that it was very real and that I had a plan if we need to go that route. I explained that I didn’t see him connecting with the responsibilities of a father, constantly on his phone, not helping me with doctor visits or other family care appointments. I was working full time and he wasn’t, and as a new mom I thought it was very unfair. If he wasn’t going to be a partner then I had proven I could do it without him. That talk freaked him out enough that he checked back in and spent conscious time with the kids, started taking incremental responsibility for logistics, and in general promised to start trying. 4 years later and he’s the best. Especially during the pandemic. It’s so cool to see how he bonded in his own way with the kids. I still have a little bit of an eye on things, but if I never told him what I needed and expected, he probably just would have stayed checked out. Not everything works out like this, but make your own alternative plan, build up courage, and talk to him about it in a productive, non blame centered way. Have a few recent examples. And good luck! You can do this without him!

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I love this. I don’t have kids but one thing I always analyzed when determining if I thought a partner would make a good father was how they measure up to my dad. He and I are very close (not in a creepy way, I’m just a lot more like him than my mom) and he sort of set the bar for what I expected a good dad to be. Just assuming that our relationships with our parents and childhood overall impacts what we need and expect from our partner as it relates to raising children.

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Become a mother and not someone’s “baby mama” (if he’s the problem here, focus on yourself and the child)

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I don’t get the distinction you’re making. How?

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I really love my child just wish I had the baby with someone better. I’m learning how to deal with it

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Ah you regret your child’s father! I’d just tell him the door is always open for him to have a relationship with your kid and limit contact to just your child. I’m sorry OP :(

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Therapy.

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No use focusing on things that are in the past and cannot be changed. Focus on what you can control

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Are you asking as someone who’s pregnant or who already has a child with someone? Either way, I’m sure it’s a tough decision since the father will likely be in your life for at least the next 18 years. As someone else mentioned, depending on the nature of your relationship, therapy may help.

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