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Actionable feedback when it happens. Issue, action, impact on others. What behavior is she exhibiting and what is the issue with it and what action should she take to do better?
Be specific rather than saying she generally has a bad attitude. I had an employee with a very stern facial expression naturally and she joined a call looking absolutely furious. I messaged her on the side and asked her what was wrong and she said she couldn't get her Bluetooth headphones to connect. I sent her a screenshot of her face and said "This is what you look like on camera right now. Do you need to take a few moments off camera to get settled?"
She genuinely had not meant to join the call looking that angry, but without the context she looks like she was absolutely furious to be there. Part of what we talked through on my team is unintended impacts of a stray word or facial expression. It could be your employee has something going on in her personal life so you could also try opening it to a conversation. E.g., " when you interacted with XYZ client, it seemed like you were kind of annoyed. Can you tell me about that?"
Yes, many have unintentional RBF. I love the approach of sending the screen shot to start the conversation.
Don't tell her to fix her "tone" or "attitude" without some research on specifics for Peter sake! I get this from non-Americans in particular all the time. They ask me a direct question via IM (Is Monday a holiday in the US?) then find my direct answer (Yes, Memorial Day) to be "unfriendly." If you dig into the specific interactions you may find that there is less of a problem than you think on her side and what there is could be more easily fixed than a general requirement to change her personality
We lost a very talented woman on my team with a TON of useful industry contacts because people found her straightforward answers to similar questions off-putting. Older men wanted her to be "softer" which, when I dug into it, meant "more differential and flirtatious" and her boss didn't stand up for her. So she got a better job and took her rolodex with her.
Ty. I’m a women myself and usually don’t find direct answers off-putting but have noticed that she has an attitude or is clearly frustrated with clients. I understand frustration but needing her to not display herself that way in front of clients
It sounds like there is an underlying issue that she has not connected to the problem. She probably doesn’t have allot of friends. She probably feels under valued. You may need to befriend her to find out hire to help her. I am willing to bet that she has had some trims from another experience and that is what’s making her rude.
Thanks so much for that. She consistently has a bad attitude and when I address it, she blames everyone else / she has a “reason” to be upset. Her emails come across as very direct and rude. Then I had a client complain that she was rude but it was “normal” for her. I don’t want clients to avoid her due to her attitude.
Thanks so much, I agree and that is the concern. I’m going to take your advice. Thank you :)
You may want to take some of the incidents and present them to her as if other parties were communicating like this. Have a discussion about how she would perceive this type of communication and what she thinks would be a more appropriate method of communication.
I wouldn’t tell the person that in general they are rude and “have an attitude “. As someone else said, make it actionable. This shouldn’t be a conversation about not liking their personality, but what they specifically need to improve. When they do something you find unacceptable, tell them ASAP what specifically they’ve done - not just “you were rude” but more like “You said XYZ, which makes the client feel like they aren’t valued. In the future, please rephrase it as ABC so that our clients will feel like we value them and trust us more”. Or perhaps, “I received a complaint from one of your teammates that you did X. We don’t accept that here (and say why)- here’s how we would like you to handle that instead. “ You will likely have to point out a few things - don’t wait until they pile up, give feedback in small chunks as soon as you can. Hopefully after a few times the person will connect the dots and see how they can improve on a more general basis.
I’ve noticed with women people often complain about personality and demeanor while men get chances to improve a few specific things. Men rarely get told they have “attitude” or to “be nicer”. In fact, a lot of the things that make females seem rude (assertiveness, directness, confidence) are things men are praised for. Make sure this employee is getting an equal chance. The best way to do that is not to complain about her personality but rather about specific things she’s done or said.
Documentation especially from other coworkers & clients. Which means it’s not a personal attack coming from one person.