{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "What’s the best way to navigate my SO getting excessively drunk to the point where there’s little awareness and he’s close to passing out? I’ve voiced my concerns and we always have productive convos but I still see a pattern and don’t want to feel like a broken record by saying I dislike it. Ex - he’s at a bachelor trip and I ask that he let me know when he makes it back to the hotel at night. It doesn’t happen each night and I gently remind him which results in apologies and saying he’ll… ctd.", "post_id": "60fecbb704f31f002221b742", "reply_count": 19, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

What’s the best way to navigate my SO getting excessively drunk to the point where there’s little awareness and he’s close to passing out? I’ve voiced my concerns and we always have productive convos but I still see a pattern and don’t want to feel like a broken record by saying I dislike it. Ex - he’s at a bachelor trip and I ask that he let me know when he makes it back to the hotel at night. It doesn’t happen each night and I gently remind him which results in apologies and saying he’ll… ctd.

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I won't sugarcoat it, he's an alcoholic and there's nothing you can really do until he realizes he needs to get help to make changes on his own.

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This hits close to home. My ex fiancé was a functioning alcoholic. His argument was if he had a problem he wouldn’t be successful and be able to hold his job @ Goldman. But there are tons of alcoholics who have good jobs. Alcoholism doesn’t discriminate. I was in love with the potential of him, he was such a good man and loved me very well but ultimately this was his downfall and he wasn’t able to admit it and work in it. I was willing to put in the work with him, but his ego was bigger than himself. I always tried sugar coating it to friends or family who would voice concern after wild weekends- (which wild weekends are totally fine to have!) but when he’s continuously the one getting out of hand- there is a clear problem. Like I said, alcoholism/ addiction doesn’t discriminate- they can be from a top school and have an incredible career but the place/ person it hits hardest is their home life with their SO.

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OP, my SO was like this before we got married. I didn't think much of it then because like your SO, it happened just once in a while. It wasn't until we got married that I realized he was a functioning alcoholic. He was also in denial of this fact. It took series of therapy session before he also realized this. He has since joined several support groups including AA. My advice to you, if you are not married yet, i would really take time to rethink the relationship and take a break if needed. If he is willing to admit to his problem and accept help, then you can rethink the relationship. If you are already married, then I suggest you start counseling asap.

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I’m not an expert so I could be wrong with the labels but I think alcoholism can be somewhat different from a drinking problem. To me alcoholics rely on alcohol to get through the day to day, whereas you can drink once in a while but not know your limit and thus drink until blackout. My friend falls in the latter category and he’s had to quit drinking.

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He might not be an “alcoholic,” per the specific medical definition of it. But he clearly has a drinking problem and it’s not on you to fix it. You need to fix you. No more making excuses, no more saying to yourself “he’s a great guy except when he…” Alcoholics aren’t bad people. They have a disease that makes them do bad things that hurt other people. What I can tell you from experience is that this won’t get better just because you want it to. No matter how much you love him, beg him, threaten him, or hope he will change, the only person who can fix this is him. A therapist who works with families of substance abusers, or Al-Anon, can help you understand this disease and your part in helping him, if that’s what you choose for yourself.

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Go to AA for support

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Update: he came back from his trip proactively recognizing that he gets carried away too often and decided he’ll cap his drinks going forward. This made the rest of the convo way easier. ❤️Thank you all!

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OP, it may be helpful for you to speak with a substance abuse counselor. Alcoholism runs in my family (bunch of high functioning alcoholics). When you grow up around it, many abnormal behaviors are normalized. It would be good for you to have them go through a screening survey for alcoholism and get their feedback on whether they think your SO meets the criteria. Why that’s important is alcoholism is a family disease. Families justify or rationalize the alcoholics behaviors and contort themselves into odd ways of being to allow the alcoholic to continue their path. It takes a fair bit of education and therapy to understand and begin to model new behaviors for yourself that don’t enable. Al Anon is a good source, the book Codependent No More is great. For me though, I got the most benefit when I talked with an SA counselor and they were able to help me see where a spouse who is committed to sobriety makes different choices than my current SO was making. It was so eye opening.

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be better about it. Nothing changes anyway and instead he calls me in the middle of the night piss drunk saying he’s wandered off from the group and shortly drops the call leaving me wondering if he’s ok.

It’s a sign that he’s an alcoholic

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