What’s your go-to response when people you haven’t spoken to in years reach out seeking free “legal advice”?

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Happy to help. My rate is $900/hour

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This. Also tack on that I’m only allowed to accept engagements through my firm for insurance reasons.

I am not really something of a lawyer myself.

likefunny

“Idk anything about that sorry.”

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Not my field of expertise

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Hey so and so. Hope you are doing well. Unfortunately, that’s not my area of practice. I’m also not licensed to practice in x state, so I can’t really help.

A) But I know there are legal aid services for X and also possibly law school clinics for X in your area. They should be able to help for low cost if not free!

And/Or

B) But some lawyers who specialize in X do free initial consultations. You should Google X lawyers in your area and call to see if they will do a free consultation. They will be able to point you in the right direction!

likehelpful

Gotta run a conflicts check first and submit it before the engagements committee

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Oh, remember when in high school you said I look like a pumpkin and you bet a d*ck looks orange after it comes out? Go F yourself

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That’s horrible but also much more creative than other bullies? Like he really took some time to come up with it?

Option 1:. "I am sorry. I don't really practice that area of the law. As a general rule, I would tell you to gather up all records you have related to the situation. Then, your best bet is to check with your local bar association and see if they have an advice and referral clinic."

Option 2: "This sounds like the sort of situation you can take to small claims court. Your local court should have instructions on how to do it. Best of luck."

Option 3: "I am sorry, but my firm does not really give me the authority to take on new cases."

Option 4: "I don't really like you very much, and you have some nerve calling me out of the blue. Not only will I not help you, but I will show up at court every day during your class and laugh maniacally as you twist in the wind."

Option 5: "Why yes, I can help you. No, wait. I said I can help you. I never said I will."

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“I don’t practice in that field”

What I mean internally: Fu*! off.

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“No clue, sorry, kthxbai.”

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“I’m not that kind of lawyer.”

When a relative called me out of the blue one night at 6:30pm to talk for a whole hour about her random legal needs without pausing/breathing, I told her at the end of it that I don’t practice that type of law and that I would need to ask a colleague for help. Which would mean she would need to sign an engagement letter and pay my firm’s billable rate. But… I was happy to ask around for referrals if that didn’t sound like a good plan.

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