What’s your thought on a male colleague’s pursuit of spending more time with family given that (i) he’s in his twenties; (ii) he has a newly borne baby; (iii) his wife is a foreigner and does not have a salaried job. He decides to leave my current firm and if he does, his entire family will lose insurance. I personally found it very irresponsible but was told being wrong. So I want to know why I am wrong. This has bothered me for a while.

likefunny
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It’s none of your business

likesmarthelpfulfunnyuplifting

I think “it’s none of your business” is an inappropriate response to a great question. These sort of issues/concerns help us to set policy and benefits from an HR and leadership perspective to retain talent in many industries. In this thread, someone actually laid them out. In this current environment, most people are looking for a work-life balance and it’s important to have a mentally stable and stress free workforce. If you’ve had a kid in your 20s, as a parent raising a teenager in my early 50s, I wish I had started a bit earlier. Life may present some challenges but if you get some things like education out of the way, and have a great support system, it’ll all work out in the end. There’s so much missing to this story and so we should not make assumptions.

likehelpful

There could be a million reasons why this is the right choice, and a million reasons why it is a risky or bad choice. Either way you are missing the critical information.

I think you need to determine if you are being genuinely concerned, or if you are puzzled and being very nosy.

Maybe he had another offer in the works. Maybe there is severe illness involved that he doesn’t want to disclose. Maybe he plans to live off savings and chart a new path in fatherhood while establishing his wife. Maybe maybe maybe. Doesn’t really matter if the decision is done.

likesmart

I am convinced by this. Thank you!

like
Recent IconRecent

You may not be wrong, but it’s his life to live. Family is more important than work for most people.
You may also be missing key information about his finances.

Likely your industry is too demanding for his priorities.
Do you offer any/all of the following:

- flexible work from home schedule?
- 6+ months of paid paternity leave
- Relatively undemanding, stress free role?

If not, then he may be better off finding a job that suits his priorities better, and also your company better off too, not everyone is a fit.

likesmart

Judging by the spelling of "borne" it may be safe to say OP is not in the US.

like

Agree with comment above. None of your business. Besides, it could be that he is moving to something else where he can still earn $ but have more time, have insurance elsewhere, etc But even if he’s quitting and planning to live off savings or just be broke, it is zero of your business or concern.

like

My take on this (as someone who didn’t do this for many years then changed) comes from a biblical standpoint. Most important earthly relationship is your spouse and kids. Our careers are also very important but not even close to our relationships. They are a stewardship that are significantly more important than a job that has no eternal matter.

likeupliftingsmart

VP SFA 1, I absolutely agree with you with one caveat - “Certainly if anyone does not provide for those who are his own, and especially for those who are members of his household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith” - 1 Timothy 5:8.

While parents are financially responsible of caring for the NEEDS of their children and spouses and are accountable if they neglect their family, they are also required to spend time with them. And not to be chasing money to the expense of their relationships. I love that the Bible is so balanced here. Maybe this job cost too much of his time and wouldn’t allow him to tend to the emotional and mental needs of his family.

Principals that *could* by guiding your friends decision:


Let your way of life be free of the love of money, while you are content with the present things. For he has said: “I will never leave you, and I will never abandon you.” - Hebrews 13.5

Matthew 24:6-34 - “No one can slave for two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will stick to the one and despise the other. You cannot slave for God and for Riches. “On this account I say to you: Stop being anxious about your lives as to what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your bodies as to what you will wear. Does not life mean more than food and the body than clothing? Observe intently the birds of heaven; they do not sow seed or reap or gather into storehouses, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth more than they are? Who of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his life span? Also, why are you anxious about clothing? Take a lesson from the lilies of the field, how they grow; they do not toil, nor do they spin; but I tell you that not even Solʹo·mon in all his glory was arrayed as one of these. Now if this is how God clothes the vegetation of the field that is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much rather clothe you, you with little faith? So never be anxious and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or, ‘What are we to drink?’ or, ‘What are we to wear?’ For all these are the things the nations are eagerly pursuing. Your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. “Keep on, then, seeking first the Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these other things will be added to you. So never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Each day has enough of its own troubles.

You’re not wrong for having an opinion. We can all think whatever we want about anything and anyone.

You’re wrong for thinking your opinion on his life choices matters and that he (or anyone) needs to convince you he is making a good choice. It’s his choice. Wish him well.

like

Thank you!

I mean he's a grown man. If he's considered the consequences of his actions it's not your job to talk him out of his decision. If he regrets it later he can get a different job.

like

Not your business. People are entitled to work life balance. Family comes first. You work to live, not live to work. No one on their death bed ever says “i should have spent more time at work.” So tired of people not being empathetic for family needs.

likeuplifting

Hmm.. this seems like you could benefit from therapy. This message seems really toxic and like you have some control issues.

likefunny

Maybe if he’d been offered a generous paternity leave this wouldn’t have happened.

like

“His wife is a foreigner and does not have a salaried job” - totally unnecessary comment.

God forbid the man wants to spend time with his newborn child!

like

For what it's worth, I commend him. I'm in my early 40s. Thinking back, through my career, I've had to sacrifice and compromise a lot for my employers. I've missed birthdays, funerals etc etc, all in the chase (or someone else's using my skills) of money. At this point, I really cannot, without doubts, say that it has been worth it at all, as the benefits of living that life, up to now, has been zero.

like

If they are your friend, tell them you disagree with the decision and then leave it alone. Nothing wrong with looking out for a friend but you can’t control other people/let other peoples decisions impact you. But if you truly care about the person, you do have a responsibility to express your disapproval and then let it go. That’s the responsibility of a good friend, but nothing beyond that.

like

@CPA 1 I can tell a lot of y’all have never seen real hardship before if you can just tell your friend “F it, just quit and put your entire livelihood at risk”

I grew up with people who have made reckless decision after reckless decision and most of them have horrible lives, so yeah I’ll speak up.

like

It’s his life, and his choice. I’m sure there is more to the story than just what you know. Maybe he already has another job lined up but didn’t want to tell you.

like

Family $$$ allows you to do all kinds of things

likesmart

Not your job to care for or judge. I have done something similar for my family and insurance was never compromised due to my exit plan. It sounds like you don't know this guy well enough to know his plan.

like

It’s none of my business, it’s none of your business. Act accordingly.

like

While yeah it’s not your business, you’re right, that is irresponsible

likeuplifting

Having a family and wanting to spend time with them is irresponsible?

Family comes first. If you don’t agree with that then simply do not have one yourself. But you have no business ever deciding when and if someone else chooses to have a family.

like

This is zero of your concern. Move along.

like

If this colleague is someone you already feel friendly with, you can ask him as a friend, as in "wow, how are you going to go about this?". But again, only if you're already friends with him. And in any case, don't judge.

What concerns me much more is where you've gone from "pursuit of spending more time with family" to "He decides to leave my current firm" in the very next sentence. What does that say about your firm? That working there is not compatible with spending time with family? If that is accurate, it sounds like a terrible place to work.

like

Maybe your current firm is just not that compelling a workplace, and was not offering enough benefits and incentive to stay.

like

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