When dating / in an early relationship, how much compatibility is normal? I think we have fun and see eye to eye like 60% of the time, but the other 30-40% is a little difficult since we have different personality styles (Type 2 and 8 on the enneagram)

Is good compatibility complete understanding / appreciation by default, or are there always more parts of a person to understand better? How big of a gap is too big?

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Ok well if your partner is not happy that early on then that’s kind of speaking for itself. You deserve someone who is so happy to be with you, and who makes you so happy in return. I’m a type 8 as well btw :) I think personality is important on top of goals and values... lots of people can share those things but if there isn’t that chemistry or natural compatibility, why continue with it when you can find someone who you are 100% compatible with AND share values/goals with?

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HAHA did we date the same guy? Religious minority, TCK, hung up on an ex, trying to fit you into a box of “what will make him happy”....

If he doesn’t appreciate you for who you are now, it’ll fizzle out sooner or later. Regardless of how good he and you look on paper, or external factors like families. At the end of the day, it comes down to how much you two appreciate each other and want to fight for each other. A relationship isn’t built off these external factors, so to speak.

You deserve someone who likes you for you. And he’ll always have the “upper hand” in this relationship since you’re the one trying harder to make it work. Not that relationships are about a power struggle, but it definitely introduces a balance that’s not healthy and the relationship will feel insecure and tenuous all the time. Just speaking from personal experience.

Let this one go. Find someone who appreciates you for you!

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More context: We have the same goals and core values, which is why I’m so determined to make it work but partner says personality is too different and says he’s happy when with me but not ‘too happy’

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I think goals and core values trump everything, save for addiction, adultery, and abuse. So I agree with you. But if your partner is not on the same page about making it work, it won’t work

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Just curious OP, since I had a very similar experience - what religion / ethnicity?

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Aha wow!
Ethnicity: Pakistani / Australian, Religion: Islam

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I've heard if you only have 2 bad days and 5 good days in a week, then you're doing pretty well.

Wow I can’t imagine being pissed at my SO twice a week...

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