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My SO is ethnically Indian but born in New Jersey and his parents were educated in the States. I took him to our Accenture Holiday party and someone actually asked him what caste he was! Both of us were so taken aback. I don’t think he had ever been asked and he had no idea.
He literally was like, “I’m a doctor and went to a top Ivy. What caste should I be?”
I think it depends where you are swiping. If it’s Tinder or some other dating app, left swipe absolutely. What a weird thing to post when it’s not a norm..
if it’s something like shaadi.com, I think it’s a lot more common. I guess I wouldn’t judge someone too much tif they did that. It’s the norm on that platform and a lot of times parents or older siblings handle the profiles for the actual individual looking to match.
Yeah that’s super weird lol
I unmatch any indian guys who bring up caste and my citizenship status. I don’t mind talking about it if it comes up naturally in the conversation, but if it’s the first question they ask, then I feel like I’m being vetted.
Chief
I don’t think it’s bad to put that you’re Brahmin (I am btw but I don’t practice the rituals) because that caste has a set of lifestyle behaviors for a lot of people. Some of us don’t even eat root veggies like onions or garlic! When they put it that’s a clue that their social circle is conscious about those things. They probably also do the pujas and scripture things many of us do—if not him his mom would be.
Dowry has been declared illegal, but that doesn’t stop people from asking for “help” when screening brides. The same applies to caste. You cannot get rid of people’s antiquated beliefs by passing a law. This guy just saved you the time by putting it in if this was his intent.
Then again maybe he just listed it because it is part of the form and he thinks that is something others might be looking at themselves! It’s worth getting to know everyone. There’s no huge crowd of eligible suitors that anyone would discount profiles based on what may or may not be a caste flaunt.
Ewwww I can’t believe people still do this. Not judgmental at all. In one way at least they’re letting you know to not waste your time.
Pro
I’m floored that people put this on their profile. I thought this was a thing of the past.
Chief
Loads of people are vegan and I don’t think being Brahmin has anything more special. I just can’t imagine educated people practicing racism.
Rising Star
I realize this can be a naive question, but can’t someone just lie? If guys lie online about their height, job, or relationship status, can’t they just lie about that too? Would you even be able to find out?
Often times, you can tell based on people’s last names which can indicate what cultural group and I guess caste you’re from. I’m pretty easily able to tell where people are from beyond the southern part of India based on their last name. Can’t tell caste because I never learned much about that growing up since my parents don’t believe in it, but think it’s possible from a lot of last names
Rising Star
Learn something new every day! I've never heard of castes
Chief
But we’ve all heard of pyramid hierarchies
It depends. If it’s a matrimonial website, a lot of times the profiles are created by the parents and that may not be the guy’s view at all. If it is a dating app, I have not seen any guy mention their caste, but I wouldn’t think it is too judgmental to say no if you don’t prefer to know / care about the caste 🤷🏽♀️
Rising Star
Does caste determine who you can date? Or is it just a status?
Great question! My immediate instinct would be to base this off my experiences, but India is such a huge and diverse country, that it’s difficult to and I grew up in the US (although in an area with more Indian people than white people...). Generally, I would say it really depends on your socioeconomic class (which sometimes indicates education but some highly educated people still follow the caste system) and cultural heritage background on what your family thinks as okay. I know for my parents - they made it clear that I can marry/date anyone (M/F, religion, etc.) as long as the person is a “good person” . They’re a little uncomfortable of me dating / marrying someone Muslim as a Hindu probably due to the issues the communities have had (instigated by politics -.-).
I’ve noticed certain cultural groups (which I’m loosely using for what state of India the family comes from) tend be a little more conservative on the caste system and Brahahims in certain of these regions tend to make it even more of a priority as I guess they “pray and do things differently”. The friend I referenced even told me the way her family speaks Tamil is “Brahmin”.
I watched a pretty decent Bollywood movie on Netflix a few months ago (had like one background song as part of the storyline) highlighting caste issues in rural (central?) India called Article 15. They have English subtitles if you’re interested in learning how caste can still play a deeply oppressive role for some.
Happy to explain more of what I know and I definitely would be interested to learn from others about their experiences/understanding of caste and how they believe it was formed.