When I was little, I used to lie in bed looking at the ceiling and I would get this overwhelming feeling that the future was meaningless. I felt this pressure around me and an empty feeling inside like the one you get when going down on a rollercoaster. I used to cry myself to sleep back then. Haven't felt like that for a couple of years now.
I can relate. Growing up in an abusive household, not a single day went by that I didn’t want to kill myself. I didn’t see a future at all & cried myself to sleep every night. I feel better now as I’m financially independent and have more control of my life. But two decades of physical and verbal abuse have made me suffer from chronic depression and anxiety. 7 year old me would be so surprised to find out that I’m 24 and alive
Sounds like you are better too. Hanging there!
You were correct as a child. There is no built-in meaning to existence. You need to create your own meaning.
I find that when I focus my attention on helping the most vulnerable among us, a sense meaning is an emergent element