When picking a life partner would you (as a guy) be ok with compromising for a girl who’s not very career oriented or ambitious but has a great heart, mentality, and flexibility?

likehelpfulfunny
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To add to other comments, statistically stay at home moms is the number one occupation of women with the highest divorce rate. But also some people really are just happy having a job vs a career. For me it’s are they hard working and how do they contribute. To be honest, as a woman I’m a little jealous of women who don’t have a drive to have a career. It sounds like a much more peaceful existence lol

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Director 2 - no, I do know how hard it is and I gave stay at home moms the credit they are due by counting it as an occupation. I have so much respect for stay at home moms. Not having the drive or desire to have a traditional “career” is a real thing, MLB. tons of people just want to go to work and go home. There’s nothing wrong with that.

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For you, no. If you think you’re compromising, then you will never see your relationship as an equal partnership.

likesmarthelpful

There's some kind of list of 10 traits list like:

Ambition
Personality
Chemistry
Appearance
Creativity
Spirituality
Intelligence
Parenting
Integrity
Romance

And it's important to be aware of which traits you prioritize (and which you don't) in a partner so you can hopefully choose someone you genuinely value, and not someone you will ultimately underappreciate.

It's okay for ambition to be high on your list, but just be aware of that and let that influence your decisions.

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Recent IconRecent

Just celebrated my 33rd anniversary with my stay at home, but hard-working wife.

likeuplifting

Congratulations!

yes

likehelpful

I’m a woman and I’d say having a career and ambition in life is very important to me in choosing a life partner. My answer would be the same if I were a man.
I have seen many of my male friends marrying women who didn’t have a career and were mostly housewives. Those marriages failed and because the women didn’t have a career to rely on.. my male friends are now paying through the nose for alimony.
Think of that too. There are no guarantees in life my friend.

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That’ll happen most likely anyway. Marriage has become a waste of time and money in the West, as our culture has completely fallen off the wayside. Women initiate the large majority of divorces.

Yea- character matters way more than career ambition.

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Like they are physically flexible, like does yoga?

likefunnyuplifting

Yes. My wife has very little career ambitions as a nurse. She’s a hard worker, but she’s not one to take extra shifts for extra pay & she doesn’t have any set goal for her career, per se.

HOWEVER, she’s a hell of a mom to our nine month old son, loves me despite my flaws (including sometimes over prioritizing career/money over time with family) and she loves & cares for people in a way I never will be able to understand. She is able to empathize for people in ways I never will & she’s got an awesome personality.

likehelpful

Personally, it doesn’t even rate as a priority. Chemistry, compatibility, and character (all in all forms) are what I look for. Also, career ambition is a double edged sword. But, do what works for you.

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Bruh that’s a keeper in 2022.

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Imo it should be 50/50. If you are career oriented and she is not, she should be contributing to the relationship in other ways. Managing household, kids, etc. If shes working, then go 50/50 on household and kids. If she says no to that, then walk. You need a teammate not a freeloader.

likesmart

This! Very few of my married friends are truly 50/50 from a career perspective, but the partners with less demanding careers and/ or with fewer career aspirations often contribute in other ways (helping with child care, doing all cooking/cleaning, etc). It’s ok to have different goals from a career perspective, but team work is essential.

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Do you think this is a compromise , or do your buddies just like busting your balls and now your self conscious abt this ? Honest question because I’ve seen this happen .

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Absolutely. In 2020 I was diagnosed with cancer at 31 years old and given 1 year to live unless the chemotherapy worked. Obviously a ghost isn’t writing this and I am alive and well. Having spent 44 plus days alone in the hospital fighting through chemo I was so happy to see my wife each and every time she was allowed in. I could care less if she wanted/wants a career. Life is for living, not working.

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Yes, because you may have children with her one day and she'll be perfectly happy staying home with them while you save on daycare costs. With an ambitious, career oriented woman, good luck convincing her to stay home after you realize you're paying $1500+ a month on childcare for one child.

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Well, you could always choose to stay home with YOUR children. 🤷‍♀️

likefunny

Absolutely! I got married two years ago and my wife wanted to be a stay at home mom and we have a great marriage!

likesmart

Of course. She sounds like a catch.

Not very career oriented doesn’t mean lazy btw. If she has a great mentality, she’s not going to just lay around the house spending money.

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This question is very dumb and honestly shows that you need a lot more self reflection and some maturity. Ambition to have a wonderful family and children is indeed ambitious. Being s mother takes a lot and brining up kids is very hard.

Since you’re a data engineer (assuming very logical) do the following:

1. Form a functional charter of what it takes to bring up a family. Think roles and responsibilities
2. Draw and org chart consisting of you, your partner, and support system
3. Allocate roles and responsibilities based on strengths and natural tendencies for yourself alone
4. Now look at the white spots and come to a realization that your question indicates a need for self reflection and honestly maturity a little
5. Thank yourself for asking this question and now own your decision
6. Educate on others on this topic lol

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Engagement Manager 1, that’s a pretty big assumption you made there which I believe is not very smart of you either. OP has said nothing about his partner having any interest in being a mum and raising kids.
I’m with OP on this. This is not a dumb question .. this is a very fundamental question anyone who values ambition in their life would really have to wrestle with when making such a big decision in his/her life.

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The only traits one needs in life imo:

1) Grit
2) Courage
3) Curiosity
4) Intentionality

Every other virtue imo are combinations of the above 4 fundamental indivisible traits.

E.g.
1) one doesn’t have to be born intelligent or with high intellectual brain power, but, grit and curiosity as a combination will effectively result in the individual operating with levels of intentional.
2) one doesn’t have to be born with high athleticism and fast twitch muscles, but curiosity (about their body) and grit (to condition their body) will effectively result in the individual operating with high levels of athleticism.

Those four traits. Anything else is just a combination of the above 4. And that’s what I search for in my partner.

Btw, if you’re a lady in search of your person, and think the above resonates with you DMs are welcome!

34M here :)

likehelpfulfunny

now THAT was a good joke!

Do you want a girl who is career oriented or ambitious?
I did not care, but I did care that a life partner was smart, interesting, and has a great heart.
Now that I’ve been married 14 years it’s great that my wife is unambitious. She’s super smart (engineer that graduated top of her class) but hated working and is much happier staying home with the kids and volunteering. It works out better for me too because I don’t need to sacrifice in my career to have a family. And I have an amazing and brilliant mom raising our kids.
There are definitely some not so bright moms at my kids school and some friends’ wives and I have no idea how that works.

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The last three attributes are much much much more important than professional ambition.

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