{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "When you have been ghosted by your ex, how do you get over the anger and hurt when there is so much you want to say to them? \n\nPS: I cheated on her and came to tell her the truth. We went on couple therapy and things were fine (at least what I thought). She then waited for me to travel for work and came to pick up all her stuffs, blocked me from everywhere and just disappeared. She keeps all the payments I making (didn’t change that, her phone, Netflix, her car, etc.) but totally disappeared.", "post_id": "612bb3b000ed2c001d1c10cb", "reply_count": 43, "vote_count": 5, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession " }

When you have been ghosted by your ex, how do you get over the anger and hurt when there is so much you want to say to them? PS: I cheated on her and came to tell her the truth. We went on couple therapy and things were fine (at least what I thought). She then waited for me to travel for work and came to pick up all her stuffs, blocked me from everywhere and just disappeared. She keeps all the payments I making (didn’t change that, her phone, Netflix, her car, etc.) but totally disappeared.

likefunny
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Maybe I’m not understanding, but you cheated and are worried about your own hurt and anger towards her? Son, you’re going to have to take the loss here. It seems like you could easily get a new card and change your account passwords if you were that upset about her using your Netflix account. Or stop paying for her car (assuming the loan/lease isn’t in your name). But you haven’t.

likesmart

You can feel guilt which is why you’ve not gotten the car back, but there’s a difference between guilt / ownership of cheating and being taken advantage of. You are being taken advantage of and frankly it’s not healthy for your own mental well-being or for any future relationships if you don’t set boundaries to love yourself enough. She has crossed the boundary.

Sometimes the full emotional impact of being hurt by someone takes a while to sink in. Maybe it wasn’t until you went away that she had a chance to fully assess the situation. In any case, you were in the wrong to begin with, so don’t try to now burden her with your emotions. If you need to work through it, talk to a therapist. And of course she isn’t going to tell you to stop paying her bills. It probably feels like justice to her. Just stop paying. If you want to be fair, notify her of this through a mutual contact.

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Yeah, she could’ve communicated with you. It doesn’t mean she’s in the right, but it is what it is. Unfortunately we don’t always get to have closure on things, and you may never get answers or to say all that you want. Hopefully you can process that in therapy and with friends.

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good for her

likefunny

Anger and hurt from your side? I can’t say I’ve been in your position to cheat on someone, but as someone who has been cheated… I would rather just keep to myself and move on. I don’t want to be solicited by someone who broke my trust to that level. You should just take it as a lesson and move on. Accept some hurt, after all it look like you inflicted the most to start anyway.

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You're clinging to a past relationship, having already sabotaged it. Accept the outcome, cut ties (specifically payments) and move on. You're not going to change the past, nor will you change her.

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OP:. Unfortunately these things are never easy. The only way you can move forward is by mentally and emotionally closing the book on it all.

You’re paying for her car or did I misunderstand?

funnylike

He's paying for his car, she just took it and disappeared. 😶

Get over it, clinging onto past will only mess up the future P.S. Cheating is never taken lightly by partners

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I am trying to move on with my life and it's very hard. Thinking of changing the city to just start to have a fresh start.

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You should start with not paying for her stuff..and then you can look at her other cities

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When you cheated on her you effectively terminated your relationship. You deserve to be ghosted after that. But there’s absolutely no reason you should be paying for her stuff. The relationship is over.

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I have a friend who did that to his gf. He even moved to another city to avoid her. I was closed to both. Just like what everyone has said, move on. There’s nothing positive will come out from the relationship. I also have a friend who tried so hard to get back with his ex for so many years. His ex-gf totally ghosted him and he felt the same as you with so many things left to say. So many things to explain. It just hurts him more when he’s dwelling in the past. My advice: the sooner you move on, the better you will be. When the other party is willing to cut ties like that, no amount of explanation will ever get you two back. Even if it does, it will be temporary.

likehelpful

Yikes. Sounds like the couple therapy didn’t work… my brother is similar where he will act fine and dandy to my face when I did something that upset him previously (like I said he was a failure or something after he wasn’t working for a year and smoking pot living rent free and that pissed him off) but then I’ll learn from my mom that he’s actually super pissed at me. My brothers are I relationship is very deep and it has waves of “good times” and “bad times”. However, the one constant with our relationship and any long term relationship ive had is that time will heal wounds and time will bring new wounds. Right now I imagine your now ex(?) may need time to process how they feel. Not sure if you’re religious/spiritual/ etc or not, but a phrase from the Bible I think a lot about is “reap the seeds you sew”…

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Dude, it sounds like you thought couple’s therapy went well and she didn’t. Maybe she just did it to be fair, give you a chance to explain, and get some closure to her questions before she left. Time to move on.

helpful

Agree

Go on dates. B”ang around. And you’ll forget her. But don’t forget to cancel all the recurring payments tomorrow.

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Ex wife, or girlfriend? Lot of difference in legal ownership, divorce as a next step, etc.

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I can’t believe a woman ghosted you and you’re still paying her bills. Respect yourself.

helpful

C’mon man call the police. She stole your car. Cancel the phone. You don’t even have to press charges, but get your car back.

smart

As someone who has been cheated, and also as someone who somewhat ghosted an ex. What else is there to say? I no longer want to be with them, it doesn’t even matter whose fault it was. It could be difficult to have a calm discussion when at least one party is hurt and at least one party is ‘begging’ to maintain the relationship.

For your healing: I think the best thing will be time, but maybe also take this opportunity to do something to better yourself. For her, I suspect she never got over the infidelity, despite what you may have thought. I could see myself doing something similar in this situation. It was meant to be hurtful imo.

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