Whenever I ask my friend how she is, she tells me all about her husband and the random things he’s doing (Dan worked from home today and got a haircut-type of stuff), and I could not care less about what he’s up to lol. He’s not an interesting person to me and I feel like she probably doesn’t even realize she doesn’t share anything about herself when I ask about her. They’ve been together for five years and I’m so bored of hearing about him lol. It’s so weird when people get enmeshed like that

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I like Dan. He’s a cool dude.

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This is how I imagine this conversation goes:

OP: Hey friend how are you?
Friend: Oh not much. Dan walked the dog earlier today.
OP: That son of a biiiitch!!

Just messing with you OP. Lol.

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funny

OP, can you come here and post daily updates on Dan, please? Sounds like the kind of stuff we should all know about

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Dan has a work dinner tonight.

I am slightly suspicious he has a work dinner after just returning home from the retreat…

upliftingfunny

Lol, sounds like she’s living her life through Dan. Maybe she doesn’t have a lot going on in her life.

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Because I’m basically an alien, my response would probably be along the lines of, “Glad to hear it, Dan. Now how about your wife? What’s going on in HER life?”

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🤣 I think I could only pull that off in person

Dan’s the man

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I would probably gently & kindly tell her that’s what she is doing and talk to her about it.

But if you didn’t want to do that, or you did and nothing changed, Maybe try asking more specific, focused questions explicitly about her.

How are you doing with that work thing
How do you like your new gym
How’s that class going etc

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I wasn’t sure how to kindly point it out to her. Another friend told her that she often shares Dan’s thoughts and not her own and she was upset for a while at that friend, and now they don’t really talk. That friend tried the “that’s cool Dan thinks that, what do you think?” And my friend brought up Dan again so that’s why the other friend pointed it out. Initially I thought it was just because the relationship was new and she was excited but it’s not new anymore.

helpful

lol, I can very much relate to this. I have a co worker who talks about her kids and family for straight 10 mins after every weekend when I ask her 'how are things and how was the weekend'...

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EY2 Generally people will ask how are your kids or follow-up questions if they want to hear a lot of details about them. Responding for ten minutes straight about the kids when someone asks the general question “how was the weekend?” is dominating the conversation. I’m also imagining the person is doing the “Ashley had a fever and stomach bug this weekend and it was coming out of both ends if you know what I mean and she just could not sleep AT ALL so she stayed up the whole weekend and was miserable other then when I put on Moana for her, that’s her favorite Disney film still and she sings all the songs…”

I think the broader bowl here would appreciate you sharing Dan’s daily shenanigans with us

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I experience this with my Dad & his wife (not my mother) and her family. On and on about them all. I barely know any of them. It drives me mad.

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Have you asked her. Ok, cool. But what’s new with you, what have you been up to

Yep, I just will hear more about Dan’s day or Dan’s work drama or what Dan cooked that day

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Go Dan!

Codependent and she lost her identity

🥺 that’s how it seems, they were in couple’s therapy a few years ago so I was hoping this might potentially come up in their sessions.

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