Where do I meet guys looking for a serious relationship in NYC if dating apps aren't working for me? I've been on the apps for over a yr. I'm only wanting to date a guy if I can see a future with him/

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If either of you girls would do me the honour, I'd like to meet you for coffee or lunch. I'm open to dinner too but apparently that's not a good sign?
I'm NYC based, "consultant-figured", single and have never been on the apps because I'm looking for something long term and someone with a connection that lasts more than 1 night. Talk more over a latte?

likeuplifting

Asl?

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Don’t lower your standards! Focus on like 3 things that are super important to you and look for a guy that has those attributes. It’s hard to know what they are looking for/ if he’s a good match for you based on their profiles, but I think you should be picky. Read their bios and go through their pictures. When messaging them, and they ask to hang out, notice where he’s suggesting to hang out. That can say a lot about what he’s looking for. It took me a little over a year to find my now bf (going a year strong!), but I was super picky with who I swiped right on, and I only met up with my matches if they suggested to meet up during the day, or if they were fine with my suggestion of meeting up during the day to just get coffee (some guys have said yes and then later say something came up and they can’t hang out until after dinner 🙄). I almost gave up. But there are guys out there who are looking for the same thing as you. You just have to be patient and keep saying no to guys you def don’t see a future with. That’ll help you get to the right guy faster. also, make sure your bio doesn’t suggest that you’re not looking for anything serious. That’ll help prevent some guys looking for “fun" from swiping right on you hopefully haha. Good luck! :)

likesmart

At the end of the day, choice is yours; but I’d say please don’t lower your standards! Someone out there is looking for exactly what you have to offer. I went through something similar before I met my boyfriend, and I’m glad I hung in there because he’s exactly what I want and need!

Unfortunately I’m not in NYC, so not able to provide pointers on that! But good luck!

likehelpful

I have the same question as a guy in NYC - I tried Tinder for a about year and the reputation as a hookup app is pretty accurate. Also tough to have substantial hobbies while working PA hours.

I’ve tried zog sports in the past and found that to be a waste of time as well. I’m over the college drinking games at this point and that’s what the post game activities devolve into

Maybe meeting someone at work is a possibility? Or professional networking events? I’m also interested in what people would suggest

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Here’s the thing. Dating is a numbers game. You have to keep playing the game until eventually your number comes up. Lived in NYC for years. Did a lot of online dating and had the “list” of what I was looking for in a guy. I didn’t waiver on that list. I knew what I brought to the table and I expected the same. Pick better dating apps. Tinder is...well...Tinder. Enough said. I didn’t waste time messaging people endlessly. If they don’t have time to meet pretty quickly, move on. Don’t go on every date wondering if this guy could be your husband. Too much pressure and you might miss out on some good guys. I went on A LOT of dates! And it got old. But I kept at it. When I finally expanded my geography outside of NYC (the dreaded NJ!!) , I met my husband.

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NJ is paradise .

likefunny

If he meets certain "criteria" to be husband material vs just dating to see where things go. I've been working on myself and developing hobbies as I know I have to also bring something to the table. Is what I'm seeking not reasonable/am I asking for too much? Should I lower my standards?

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Keep those standards! Right guy will come around. Maybe you’ll meet him at church.

Try something like eharmony that you have to pay for to effectively use. That way you will be interacting with other people who are invested enough to put the money and extra effort needed for a subscription site versus the near zero effort and investment needed for a free dating app. Yes, there will be fewer people on there, but you’re likely to find a much higher concentration who actually want a relationship.

likehelpful

I hear you OP I’m in nyc too. Ive been thru 4-5 guys past two years and no one seems to think about their future. Everyone wants to date for years or just play around for few months and go away.

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I have a similar problem. The apps just aren’t working for me. I send out interests/invites but none of the girls message me back. Not really sure where else to go from here.

I think people with strict “criteria” are doing themselves a disservice depending on what they are. Hoping youre not one but some girls will only date guys 6’+, or only guys who do x sport or whatever. Sometimes its just best to be open minded and look for a real connection without too much concern for your specific criteria

Personal experience anyways, currently dating someone I am super happy with who may have been somewhat out of my normal criteria but I had a very real connection with right away

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