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Rising Star
Theres way more incentive for us to stay single
A1 - I will accept your gracious surrender. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday.
Have you been in the Women in Consulting bowl? White women are in there in droves crying about being single, so it’s not just Black women. 🤷🏾♀️
G1- I agree with you! Don’t even be in a relationship let alone marry if the person is not worth it.
This post is bound to spiral into the dark abyss…
Just here to watch
Good questions are being asked. What I am seeing is that some of our amazing black Women are settling down later than maybe white women. There is nothing wrong with that in my opinion. We need to understand that black people have a different type of struggle than white folks. Not blaming one gender but it really takes African American men a while to understand the process or be ready to commit to a loving marriage, it could be upbringing, past, lifestyle issues, family structure, finance, immaturity etc. African American women on the other hand in this generation have become very powerful and influential and don’t settle, the average African American man is unable to match these type of women, often times they expect her to be submissive but these women don’t do submissiveness especially to a bum. I am not a fan of people being submissive, but I believe in cooperation, respect and trusting your spouse with certain decisions. These is a reason we don’t have 2 CEOs or presidents lol. Long story short there are great black men and great black women who understand and trust the process, we just need to find each other and communicate not just with words but true genuine actions. Men will need to be more reliable, consistent, mature and loving to his woman and African American women will need to be more objective in their choices, believe in actions not words or just looks, understand their roles as a powerful
Influential woman in the community but still able to be a great mom and wife. It’s not an easy task but with true love and trusting the process you can make it happen.
This is well stated. I agree with you.
Keeping it super simple, black women are the most loyal when it comes to dating within their race. Their aren’t enough educated black men to match the amount of educated black women in the dating pool. This leads to women sharing perceived desirable men or not dating at all. It’s really tough out there and unfortunately black women’s loyalty to the race and the negative stereotypes of black women outside the race make it even harder.
Yea because it’s feeling suspect now.
Conversation Starter
Look at allllll the blaming of the women.
Black men increase the rate of divorce, single parenthood, poverty, and domestic violence when they partner with EVERY demographic of women.
Aren’t we all intelligent here?
Rising Star
There is good and bad in both genders… we are only as good as our experiences. Both sides come with “baggage” that is unseen but ever present in any relationship
I have found that when you work on the relationship with yourself first you select a better brown partner or partner in general 💕💕💕
Questions like these make me wonder how many of you all have close white female friends. I don’t envy their relationships. Messy marriages and have their first divorce by 30. And many also struggle to settle down. It really depends on the type of woman tbh. There are many that want to get a man in college and they do but then there are some who wait it out and are still looking into their 30s
The only ones I see not struggle tbh are the ones who found their mates in school. Maybe that’s the reason Black women seem to struggle. There usually aren’t as many Black men in a class vs. Black women.
For perspective, I’m in my 20s (and met my fiancé in school). Maybe older white women are different. I don’t pay too much attention to them
Community Builder
We all wait too late to get married. Knowing what I know now, I would have got married at 24, got my money right, and waited to have kids in my late 20s. White people go to college to get married and build relationships. We go to college to compete with each other for jobs and go from one dead end relationship to another. There isn’t a better place to find a spouse than college.
No big facts to the statement you made about “white people go to college to get married and build relationships”!!!!!
Conversation Starter
Answer: Black men
I think black women need to date older men. I've noticed that my generation likes to date people the same age or 1-2 years apart. My parent's generation would marry people 5-7 years apart. It makes a difference. For example, if you are 27 and dating a 32- 34-year-old, more than likely that man has finished his bachelor's degree, even master's degree, and has decent work history resulting in a higher paying job. They are more established and can take care of a family. Black successful women in their mid 20’s looking to get married often look for men who earn as much or more than them. Those men do exist, but between school, career growth, and finally having the income to fund hobbies and passions, settling down isn't the goal. A lot of women also desire them because they are high earners, so the competition is high.
So the options are to date older or meet someone young and build with them. With my anecdotal experience, that's where I have seen the most success.
Also, white women face the same struggles. I know plenty of colleagues who have been with their partners for almost ten years with no ring and going half on the rent.
Finally, someone mentioned generational wealth. I know my girlfriends want to get married, buy a house, have kids, have a nanny, cleaner, drive a luxury car, and pay a minimal amount of bills, and they are worthy and deserving of that.
But if you have been on this app long enough, it's not uncommon to see people post about their parents paying for their education, wedding, gifting cars, down payments, etc. This gives some a headstart on life and makes it much easier for them to get married sooner.
Comparison is the thief of Joy
Black men have a lower life expectancy…so choosing an older man is not ideal because BW would end up alone for much more of their elder years.
Please, I beg of you all, stop having this conversation on this app. If you want to just drive engagement and have a conversation, I suggest doing it with a topic less pointed and gas-lighty
Nothing wrong with a little self hating “I hate half of my entire community” banter.
I think it’s because many have this false narrative/stereotype of black women being bossy or aggressive and it’s a turn off. The real question is……even if that were true even in the slightest bit…….why you scared? You mad because she may hold you accountable?…… lol mind you gf black.
In addition there’s a stereotype that white women are these passive weaklings who won’t check you, mean while…….black men getting divorced and half their fortune being taken because they thought that the white woman would put up with garbage behavior……
Enthusiast
I just had this discussion with my friend yesterday and we noted that most of our black friends (us included) focus on getting our careers and academic achievements, as well as financial stability, before we get into serious relationships while our other race friends do both because I suppose they’re okay with “growing and building together” with their partners. We, on the other hand, were raised to get all our accomplishments done before focusing on a man and by then sometimes there can be a clash in priorities with the men we end up dating if we have deeper roots (a house, on a career track where we can’t move form that company right now, etc) than them.
That being said, I think there’s a lot of successful women in general today that are single because of similar reasons 🤷🏽♀️
Agree with this. My dad (who met my mom in college) often says “so you can’t finish grad school/get a promotion/start a business/buy a house/(whatever other goal) with a ring?” He and my mom both finished grad school while married to each other (and have been together almost 30 years).
Conversation Starter
Black women typically don’t date outside of their race so it can be difficult when there aren’t enough Black men necessarily on the same level.
In the US there are simply more chances for white people to meet another white person (or person) that fits with said white woman.
That said, as a Black woman, had I not met my bf last year I was going to date outside the race and consider traveling abroad. Africa still has lots of Black folks who want a Black spouse. Also, in other countries I’ve experienced more “attention” from other races that wasn’t fetish-y.
This post begging for a fight
*Healthy discussion
Honestly it's because we're less likely to date outside our race. There aren't enough black men who are educated, well compensated, and monogamous and date within their race for every successful black women who is looking. The odds of us getting married without dating outside our race is slim
More often than not the answer is yes except when dating black American men. It's different if you're dating Caribbean men or those who have direct African ethnicities
Unfortunately, the “Im independent. I don’t want/need anybody” attitude shown to BW at an early age. And it’s fine to think that way. Career focused BW is a turn on. But, in reality, it is a lot harder for black folk to survive solo.
But, as a man, I don’t want to have my future wife have to deal with all that stress of having a high earning job and family duties. Much rather have her not be stressed out and not work as hard
AC1 - your relationship and mindset is a good example
Inserting a quick read with some objectivity:
https://www.thoughtco.com/the-top-myths-about-black-marriage-2834526
Pro
Look at this way. You beat the odds to get in the position you're in today you can beat these negative statistics to find a husband too.
Faux wokeness, lots of unaddressed generational trauma, and a incentive—in public—to denigrate black men and find shelter in their broken ass friends.
Oh, and a propensity to shift accountability.
Just because you do a lot in lots of spaces doesn’t mean you can’t grow in a specific regard.
Respectfully
Bankers are tired. They work weekends