Why do some women feel the need to tear other women down to prove they are in charge? Advice in dealing with these kinds of “professionals?” Kid gloves and modeling appropriate behavior not working.

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Anyone, regardless of gender or rank who belittles a person is insecure. I have had similar experience. I never backed down and I never made an effort to smooth things over because she didn't deserve it. Let your reputation stand for itself. Do not add to the feul or gossip. It has worked out for me. I hope this helps

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From my anecdotal experience, I think it’s potentially rooted in the fact that so few women were historically given a seat at “the table” and when they were it was often, whether spoken out loud or just interpreted by the woman, that this woman made it into the coveted club. The spots at the table for women is/was limited so when there’s another woman up and coming there’s a feeling that this other woman could threaten the current woman’s standing in the group.

I think this mindset is a bit old school but I feel it and try to catch myself - it brings back memories from grade school...things like the boys won’t let too many girls on the kickball team because they say it won’t be competitive and I’m one of the few girls who gets to play so I need to ward off any encroachers to protect my standing.

As more and more women start to lead I think this mindset will trend away but it will take a while. As someone else said, yes, it’s rooted in insecurity. Hopefully unfounded insecurity but I think looking back in history would suggest it wasn’t always such a ridiculous insecurity to have.

likehelpful

I have experienced this over the years and find its a combination of jealously, insecurity and overall lack of maturity. In the corporate world, it can also be a front because she may be in over her head and wants to protect her turf and not be found out she isn't all she pretends to be. The best way to deal, in my experience, is keep your wits about you and don't stoop to her level. Do good work, treat her with respect for the position however, also make sure you stand up for yourself and don't let her belittle you. It takes class, integrity and maturity to deal with it...remember others are watching and likely can see thru it. They will gain more respect for you if handled well. It won't be forever either...see it as a growth challenge. I know, easier said than done some days.

likesmartfunny

Yes- copious notes of everything she says and does involving you. When the time comes for you to sure what you’ve done with her you’ll want them.

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Super interesting question! Curious about the answers. I’m a woman and I have to admit that in some occasion I completely lost faith in women solidarity and woman/woman empowerment.

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I experienced that with my previous lead and tried everything to create a positive working environment. Two of my efforts produced results:

1. I told her 1:1 that I wasn’t in competition with her and wanted her support. That she has more experience than me and I can learn from her as I grow into a more mature leader. Addressing it head on and being supportive of her smoothed things over for part of the year. After that she went back to her old ways, which leads me to #2.

2. I got out of her organization. After 3 years of trying to play nice, I decided to surround myself with leaders who saw my value and would lead accordingly.

It’s a tough situation and a good reminder to never let insecurity get in the way of building others up!!

likesmart

This. You have to fight for yourself.

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I was thinking about something similar. Don’t want to debate whether you support her politics , but Nikki Haley was just criticized by female CNN reporter, Asha Rangappa, for using her middle name Nikki, instead of her more ethnic sounding legal first name. Nikki shouldn’t answer to anyone on that. Then young female conservative journalist questions Rangappa, and Rangappa doxxed her. Not exactly leaning in.

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There is a phenomenon when many women think that all women are competing for the same 25% seats at the table, an instead of fighting to expand number of seats they fight with other women.
We, women, are so screwed up!

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Great insight...I too have struggled more in my career with women bosses then men. Unless the woman was super comfortable in who she is and understands what leadership is all about. Thanks for the share!

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When I first started as a lawyer in big law, this was always the case. Women were the most difficult to work for and hardest to please. I was stabbed in the back by more than my fair share. The men weren't better. However, over the last few years, as those of my generation have made it into the upper ranks of management (slowly but happening) there is a noticeable shift. We need this to continue by mentoring and supporting other women. I'd call out the women who are doing this. Let them know that we all need support and mentorship to succeed. I think historically, they needed to have the biggest balls and tear everyone around to succeed. Not anymore.

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Also, must state she is a level above me, treats those in levels higher above with respect, but not those with lesser titles.

Sounds like she has the queen bee mentality and/or might of had it rough so she feels she should treat others the same way. There has to be some way for you to stand up for yourself and only you know what that is. I find this to be like high school all over again. Wish people would grow up and lift each other up versus bring each other down.

I’ve often heard there’s a special place in hell for women that treat other women poorly. I work every single day to make sure the women that are my peers, above me, and below me all feel empowered and special

Principal1, agree with your points. We all need to focus on making a bigger table — not fearing the loss of our seat at it.

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