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Additional Posts in Depression/Anxiety Talk
Just got put on Lamictal. Anyone else taken it?
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Highly recommend getting into therapy yourself. Navigating this situation with a partner you love is SO HARD. You’ll need strong support
The situation isn't going to change until she gets on the right meds. It may be easier to convince her to try them if you (and the doc) couch it as something in the short term to take the edge off while she goes to therapy. Sorry to hear that you're dealing with this.
Spends 9 hours a day on her phone when I travel. If we do laundry on Sunday, the clothes are still hanging on the rack Thursday., dishes still in the sink. She doesn’t cook, doesn’t eat healthy and is gaining weight with no motivation to go back to the gym.
Feeling trapped because I can’t confront her with the truth of how this is impacting me, because it would just make her more depressed. When we fight about anything that’s her fault, she shuts down and runs to a corner/ closet/ bathroom and curls up (literally).
I want things to change, but am out of ideas. We’re about to move to a new city, hoping this will jump start her motivation. After this I’m out of ideas short of shoving medication down her throat.
Any ideas ?
I don't want you to think that I am trying to blame you for this, but the way you describe trying to talk to her about it is "confront". That makes it seem as though it is not a calm talk, but rather you letting your emotions build up. I would first suggest trying to have a calm talk with her to describe how much you care about her and want to see her live a happy, healthy life. Suggest that therapy/medication is a proven path in that direction. If she is hesitant, say that you want to understand better why she is hesitant. All this time you should do your best to not get angry or confrontational. This is about her, not you, and about sympathy and understanding. If you can make progress after doing this, then fantastic. If not, then it may take other measures previously mentioned by others.
Also, a reason her therapist may be on the quieter side is that there is a branch of psychology that explains many people can work out their own problems if they are given a chance to do so. This can be done through prompting a person to keep talking about a particular subject (potentially just a stream of consciousness rambling) and uncovering something that is within their subconscious. It doesn't necessarily work for everyone and may not be appropriate for every situation, but it may be why the therapist is quieter.
My wife was depressed for years. I got her into treatment and helped her get meds. Eventually she got a bad shrink younger then both of us (my therapist and hers shared office and told me hers had below average intelligence and she would outgrow her). being vulnerable and highly suggestible she took the therapist advice to get a divorce. Now we divorced.
Agreed
meds isn't always the best way. see if there are alternative therapy techniques around u that she can go to beyond talk therapy. eg. reiki, energy healing, dance therapy, art therapy, group therapy. humans need to be connected in community. meds mostly suppress the emotions and change biochem. doesnt solve for root issue
Truth
Some people need meds. I’ve had multiple family members suffer from depression. The sad truth is that 20 years of strong psycho affective meds can have side effects. She needs your support in finding her own positive outlets to change. Getting to the gym or into a class (painting, music, etc) can all help but she needs to find a spark inside herself to get there.
Whatever you do don’t have kids until and unless she’s healthy.
I would suggest going to see a CBT psychologist (not a psychiatrist).