Will you marry someone who has severe gaming issues? He plays 30 to 40 hours at least each week other than full time job. And he doesn’t have social life, or do cooking or cleaning or yard work. He constantly fight with me to ask me give him a few days each week to play games without me.

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No, absolutely not - will be a constant reason for fights and resentment between you. Shared interests and desire to plan/spend free time together is essential for a happy relationship in my opinion.

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I’d be less concerned about the gaming and more concerned about his ability to be a good partner if he doesn’t cook, clean, or do anything else to support you or the household. Don’t assume he’s going to change. Are you okay living with this forever?

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This reads full of red flags — if it’s not great now, marriage won’t make it better. Agree with all the comments above that he doesn’t seem like an equal partner/ participant in the household; it can be draining in the long term to take on an overwhelming amount of the unpaid labor. I would think about where you’d like to see yourself in 10 yrs and really challenge whether that person has a place in it.

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OP - I was with a guy almost exactly like this for a little over 4 years. My ex- actually helped with chores but nonetheless any spare time he wanted to game. Spent most of my 20’s with him. Just leave ASAP. His absence will eventually make you feel less lonely than what he’s putting you through.

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Stop trying to turn Mr. “right now” into MR right. Can’t make a hoe a housewife as they say

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Nope. Sounds like he needs to grow up.

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I think so. He threatened to break up with me every time we had fight. I am pretty ready to move out. I am older than him. I was afraid to be alone and start over with someone else. But I know I am unhappy with this relationship any more

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You deserve better. I’d rather be alone then be with someone who makes me feel alone.

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Unfortunately he asked me break up over this weekend. Said he would prefer to play games instead of doing anything with me. He said he felt he didn’t have the freedom to play games and scared of weekend that I asked him to do anything. Yesterday morning we slept in, I flirted with him in bed, he said he didn’t feel he wanted sex. Then I got frustrated and went to downstairs to watch TV. He said it was the last straw that I gave him attitude. As crazy as it sounds, I felt so hurt and wanted to stay with him in the relationship. I wish someone could serious slap me to wake me up

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Thank him for doing you a favor. Sounds like an ass and probably a bad father to begin with because he will prioritize gaming over your kid

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OP - after reading all of your comments to other's posts, why are you even with this guy. Seems you know - or should know - the answer. RUN

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Associate, do you go to therapy? Highly recommend to help deal with extracting yourself from this relationship

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Thank you for all the amazing advise. I think I am ready to break up. I tried everything I could in this relationship. Drive 1 hour to another state to cook for him and sleep with him, respect his family, and take care of his needs. But it is never enough. He complained non stop. I feel so miserable.

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I Am sorry . I didn’t know someone can threaten another person to get married.

Sorry but this would be a massive red flag and a no for me. What was most telling to me is you saying there are fights just to get a few non-game days a month. Ask yourself if you would be OK with this arrangement in one year, five years. What happens if you have kids. Sounds like you would be doing everything

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He didn’t. He said he wanted to marry by year end

You know the answer but you are hoping that someone will give you a reason to say yes to staying. If he doesn’t want to spend most of his free time with you and engaging in couple/family things - huge red flag! You are not his priority- the gaming addiction is! Run…there is someone out there that will plan the picnic date for you!!!

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He do visit his family - once every a few weeks and bring me with him. He barely hang out with his friends in person but he takes me with him if he does. But he spent most of his free time to talk and gaming with his online friends. He spent more on games than on me for sure. He specifically said he wanted a few days alone each week to play games.

I've been married for 14 years. Believe me when I say that any little thing that 'sort of' bothered you when you were dating, will bother you 1,000,000x more after being married for a couple years. You probably expect in your mind somewhere that he'll start to mature and grow out of it a bit on his own - he won't. He is an irresponsible man-child. You deserve a partner, not a college roommate.

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it s getting worse in the past three month that we live together. He doesn’t want to make any effort and doesn’t care if I am happy

Favorite quote… choose your life‘s mate carefully, from that one decision will come 90% of all your happiness or misery.

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Break up with him. Women need to stop accepting the bare minimum from men. Your bf is a key example to why married women are so unhappy.

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He doesn’t cook or clean or do yard work? Sounds like he treats you like the maid. Please find someone better. Especially if you are hoping to have kids someday.

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No! Run. What you're seeing is how marriage will be, and it might get worse. His playing isn't the issue, it's the lack of time for other things and his lack of housework. Would you ever get the love and attention you deserve?

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No. He said he doesn’t need that much attention. He wanted space to play games without pressure from me. I spent a lot time alone even we are in the same house

I married a gamer but as we’ve gotten older in our marriage he plays less and less, but he would never choose playing over doing other things with me. And we would still have a fun social life even with him spending some nights playing games. On the other hand, my friend married someone who is an obsessive gamer and wouldn’t do anything with her besides game and they are now getting divorced over it. I would say if the signs are there, trust them and don’t hope they will grow out of it.

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That’s literally a full time job worth of gaming…that seems insane to me honestly that he even puts a time frame on it. I love to read and do other things - but that fits in after other obligations. Same with my husband’s gaming. Ultimately it’s your decision - but I don’t think he’s going to change when the signs are already there. :/

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Nope!! I was with someone like this and he was 50 and his gaming always came first! You will never be a priority in their life!

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he wanted a trip without me. He said he feel he would have more fun to travel alone. Intended to have one month apart with me. I think it’s time to break up

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Omg! Yes- time to break up. When he thinks of a fun trip- he has actually told you he doesn’t want you in it.
Time to cut your losses!

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Are you comfortable with this lifestyle for the rest of your life? Are you okay for him to continue playing games when you have to juggles kids and work in future? There you have your answer. I think you know it.

I am guessing no, if you are already fighting rn. speaking from experience, I would say no too. I married a man who was lovely and kind and a good person. But he was lazy as can be when it comes to the family. Before we had kids, it was kind of tolerable. After the kids came, it was very painful for me to have to deal with the kids and career all by myself. He couldn’t even lift a finger at home to replace a light bulb or get the air conditioner serviced. I literally single parent. The mental load is crazy and considering our work is pretty stressful too. It was frustrating as hell. We are divorcing now. A relationship cannot work if both parties do not contribute. It doesn’t have to be equal but both have to contribute reasonably.

If I could go back in time, I may still marry him. He is a great guy but no kids for sure. Perhaps we could still save ourselves.

I read also that his family is not great with you. I went through that as well. Being the people pleaser I was I tried really hard. They love me now. But I have to tell you also that the family also adds a lot of tension post marriage because like it or not, they will be there in your life.

All in all, I think no. But you know better and I think you know the answer already.

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No way. I’m in a bunch of mom fb groups and the number of posts like “my husband games all night and doesn’t help with the kids” is astounding. My husband works a ton and sometimes that’s frustrating because we have 3 kids but atleast he’s working hard so we can live a good life. I’d lose my damn mind if he was gaming instead of helping with our family.

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