Conversation Starter
Related Posts
Pro
Conversation Starter
Rising Star
More Posts
Anyone willing to refer me to SGS?
Bowl Leader
Conversation Starter
Additional Posts in Confession
Any edibles you folks can recommend?
Rising Star
Today was such a good day. That is all.
Sounds pretty weird considering you don’t seem to be in a committed relationship and you’re just “talking”
Conversation Starter
I should have made clear, I think we’re both looking to become more serious
I think it sounds lovely! Just make sure you’re sure…and really sure
Can i come tubing on your boat too?
Enthusiast
Let me drive the boat
This feels like overcompensation for something else because this doesn’t seem like your girlfriend, and if a man I’m just “talking” to offers so much so soon, especially with a kid in the mix, I’d be very cautious.
Rising Star
I like boats 🚤
+1 available?
From experience it’s nice. It’s a breath of fresh air. I married my son’s father only because at the time I thought nobody would ever want me, here I am with a kid and single (I was wrong) but at the time I would have never dated a man with a child so I expected the same. Now I know that isn’t true but knowing that a man is willing to get involved is nice. Last guy I dated was pretty involved until he used it as a reason to break up 🤔😒
Conversation Starter
Yeah this was my thought process. I want to get serious with her, and I want her to know I’ll accept her and her child. I worry that she worries that having a child might be a turn off.
Conversation Starter
She seemed to really like that, but I’m wondering how other women would react if a man was offering to step in to a father figure role to a child from a previous relationship.
Chief
It would make me very uncomfortable when we weren’t in a relationship already. (Caveat: I don’t have a kid, so I’m guessing about how I’d feel about that aspect of it.)
Rising Star
I think this is normal. There are many great stepdads out there and you will be another one.
I think it is a good gesture. Because I'm a child of divorce and both my parents remarried, some broad suggestions:
1. You will always be step dad, unless you formally adopt. This is important; the child has another father. This means you are a support role; the child is not yours - and if you and your potential partner breakup - it will sever your relationship.
2. While the commitment is sweet, be careful not to overdo being fun uncle for the child. Take it real slow and very steady. Kids get hurt really badly and they do not have the tools to protect themselves and their emotions.
3. In an ideal situation, and I have seen this in other successful situations, you will foster a good relationship with the child's father. Remember parental jealousy is very real and very powerful - that dude will not want to see himself being replaced. Obviously a lot depends on the dad.
4. Finally, don't forget, you are getting into a relationship with a woman you love (or want to love) and what you are offering her is support and care for her obligations - not yours. She is thrilled, because being a single mom is hard. You are supporting the child because of your love.
But overall, what you are doing is really really sweet.
Not unless you and the women were already serious and committed. If it doesn’t work out between the two of you, it’s hardest on the child.
I think at this stage of your relationship (if you can even call it that) I’d be weirded out if a guy said he wanted to take care of me and my child. I think I’d have waited until things progressed a little more before I made that statement.
Chief
Is the dad in the picture?
Chief
Also, if you guys were serious enough to warrant the comment being made, you would absolutely know how in the picture the Dad is.
I am currently with a man who made a similar move 3 years ago. I would recommend you discuss with her how she is comfortable discussing/showing your relationship in front of the kid.
Enthusiast
Depends on how long you two have been together and how serious you are.. dating for a short period of time weirded out.
Ex: went to an event where this guy I had been seeing for almost 5 months met my kids for the first time. Someone asked if he was dad and he said yes - I was super turned off by that.
I think any woman with a child would see a man who wants to care for or include her child as a sexier man, and more ideal. If you both want to be more serious, go for it
To be clear, I see your comment as just a reflection of that you are open to being in her kid’s life, assuming the relationship goes forward. I am sure this is how she interprets it. I doubt she thinks you mean you want to “step in as a father figure” right now. I would interpret what you said as just you being open to doing that in the long run. In the short run I would discuss with her what involvement would look like and what boundaries she might have (ie like boating w you and you’re introduced as a friend not a bf, like no sleepovers at her place where the kid is aware of it until some later point in the relationship, etc).
Pro
I think it’s great but actions speak louder than words . She will notice what you do
Chief
Lock it in by giving step-kiddo a half-sibling
Conversation Starter
I had a conversation with her about it, she really likes it and finds it attractive that I want to be in both of their lives. She said that no man had previously wanted to, and that her child’s father isn’t really interested in the child, the relationship is very cold.