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I was long distance with my boyfriend for over two years. We rarely went more than one month without seeing each other. That being said, the pressure for those weekends to be perfect got to be a real strain on our relationship. I was about to call it but then he moved back (the mutual goal was always that he’d move back - just needed to find the right job). We just signed a lease together and are the best we’ve been.
Some tips:
Don’t get into a text-heavy relationship because it loses all sincerity at a certain point.
FaceTime regularly.
Be honest about how you’re feeling with each other and yourself.
It’s tough and certainly isn’t for everyone. Wishing you a happy and healthy LDR.
Always have the next trip planned so there’s something to look forward to and the uncertainty of when you’re seeing each other next doesn’t drive you crazy.
Gotcha. Communication is key, it really comes down to how much you both want the relationship. Wish you the best!
@AccountDirector1 yes it’s a bummer but I also have seen my girlfriends that have given up so much for a relationship only to get divorced or just wind up miserable longing for their body back - I’ve even had girlfriends admit they wished they hadn’t had kids - for me I think I’m too much of an Alpha for most guys and ultimately it’s a good thing (I can’t believe I’m saying this maybe therapy did work) to be single doing what I want instead of being with Mr. Eh. I know so many great girls in NYC that “settle” to be with a guy way beneath them and (for me) it’s just not worth it. I had a guy that wanted me to be his gf but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get into it - it’s like jamming the wrong jigsaw puzzle piece in and it ruins the picture. You have your freedom. So many women don’t have that. It will be okay. We’ll find our hot, smart, worth-the-wait guys one day! :)
We were long distance internationally (I was in Europe) We sAw each other once every 4-5 months. Only worked because we had an end date / goal / plan. My one advice is don’t go into a LDR that doesn’t have some sort of end to the long distance. We’d communicate constantly — where we were going, who we were seeing. We were also very strong before going into LDR which was why the 4-5 months thing was endurable....thank god that’s over
I was LDR out of college with my bf - we tried to see each other every 1.5 to 2 months - we’d call and not text every night - I loved him so much- I held on to him for 8 years! LD 6 years. We were truly in love, but ultimately it didn’t work. He has moved on and is married, I’m approaching 40 and I haven’t met anyone in NYC where it’s lasted longer than months. I think the 28 year-old me knew how tough dating was in NYC just seeing the men at my agency and my friends’ horror stories. I miss him a lot, and it sucks, but I continue to date and stay in shape. I know it sounds cheesy but I feel the smarter girls marry later.
I've been, unwisely, in several LDRs. The hard facts are that those are not sustainable. For all the reasons stated above. You're not experiencing everyday life together. When you do get together, it's like a mini honey moon, not realistic of the daily grind. Completely agree about being transparent upfront and comunicating about where this is ultimately going and having an end goal in sight. The only time it's "worked" out for me was when I was in Philly and he was in Boston and we took Amtrak every other weekend and switched who went to whom for about 9 months, then decided to move half way each to NYC and move in together and find new jobs here. (Had 3 happy years then didn't work and now he's married to another with 2 kids and I'll be 40 soon and everything CD2 said... 😢)
Tinder
Learn to love WhatsApp and FaceTime, they are your friends!!! Have a common goal that you are working towards that involves being on the same, and have an actionable plan. Most of all, trust your gut but also realize that ppl get busy, they don’t text back right away, phones die, etc. We did it for one year internationally, been married for two.
It can work, good luck!!!
^ CD2, 😘👊
I've been in long distance for 2.5 years now, he lives 3 hours plane ride away and we see each other at least every 2 weeks. I know I'm going to be with him the rest of my life so we do what it takes. You can focus on the negatives or make a decision to love the fact you crave to see each other, you plan awesome things to do in the time you get and love the fact you dont yet have to do all the domestic things other people in other relationships have been doing from the beginning!
Aside from all the obvious communication stuff, you both should consider getting a CC that has travel points to help with costs. And if you buy your tickets 6 weeks out from the day you plan on traveling it's the cheapest they'll be. I go from CA to FL frequently to see family and can get tickets for $200-300. I won't buy them if they're under 300. It's doable. 💕
Definitely try to see each other every 2-3 weeks. Longer than that and you'll get antsy. LDRs rule.
Unfortunately we can’t see each other that frequently. He’s on the other side of the country and I can’t afford 500 bucks every three weeks plus I just don’t have the vacation time for it. Really want it to work out though
Thanks for all the advice ladies!
I have been in three LDRs. They are not easy. Having the end goal helps, but, in my opinion, they are not a realistic reflection of a relationship: you don’t participate in activities happening in each other’s lives, you hear about them. When you get together, you might not be honest if something bothers you because you don’t want to spend the only time you have together arguing. Your differences are minimized because you don’t see each other often, so you don’t experience them. You will probably miss birthdays and special occasions because they fall on a weekday. I didn’t have FaceTime when I was in LDRs, it does make you feel closer. If you are going to do this, please agree on how long it’s for. I’m not saying don’t do it, I’m just telling you things I went through, so you keep them in mind. Wishing you the best, I hope it works out!
Omg OP I’m about to be in the exact same situation. My partner’s moving to the west coast for at least 3 years (I’m in NY) and I’m nervous af for it. Already realizing that most of my vacation time is going to be spent flying back and forth between coasts :(
I’m loving all the support on here!
I was in one — we were together for about 5 years total, and 2 were LDR. Everyone is so so so so right. The end date or a plan at least to end it is necessary. Otherwise life just keeps moving forward and it’s hard to meet in the middle. We were bicoastal and saw each other once a month. Would’ve been WAY less but he made major $$$$$ so could afford to fly me out. We would also try to meet up if my job took me somewhere so corporate covered at least room and my expenses.