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It is only now in my early thirty's and after a couple of really tough years at work, do I recognize the benefit and need for a mentor. I do not think I have ever had one really, only 'okay' male bosses. As the only woman in my company (for 5+ years now) I'm not even sure how I can find a 'mentor' outside of my company or if that is even a thing? I see that my more 'successful' friends have had female bosses they rave about or appointed mentors at each level of their career. Any advice?
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As an executive leader for over 20 years managing global teams, I’ve had women cry and I’ve had men cry...I don’t think it’s necessarily “a sign of immaturity” nor do I think it’s unacceptable. My response has always been to pause a moment to allow them to compose themselves and ask them if they need a moment of privacy. And I think the hearse reaction that it’s always inappropriate can continue to perpetuate the “men are stronger, women cry” mentality. So, simply stated, I disagree.
Many women cry out of frustration and it is an automatic response. I do not understand how crying has become equated with immaturity. I do not follow that logic. Crying is a response to something. Allow people to emote (offering privacy is a good idea too).
You are wrong, but of course not about all of them. Some people have little control over their biological tendency to tear up. You should always offer up that they take a few minutes to go to the restroom and work through their emotions in privacy if they’d prefer
I would rather base my opinion of the person on how they tackle the situation after the initial tearful response has subsided. Unfortunately sometimes tears are not really easy to control, to some extent it is a biological response. However that by itself doesn't make someone weak or immature. If after the tears subsides they are able to take control of the situation, I wouldn't think twice about the tears at all.
I disagree that is shows lack of maturity. It shows emotion. Sometimes it’s hard to control and is just a natural reaction that is extremely hard to control.
I’m pregnant and have cried in front of multiple partners but have managed not to in front of my team. I have no control over it and it really sucks and I fear that these partners have an attitude like yours.
I cry at work. In the last year, it’s probably been once every 6 weeks or so. I stepped I to a big promotion at work (a stretch role where I lead a region in Europe and moved to a country where I don’t speak the native language), lost my grandmother, saw my father diagnosed with cancer and undergo treatment, dealt with an abusive client who was the screamy angry sort and physically intimidating.
I cried at work. I was sad. I was frustrated. I was angry. I was relieved. I was happy. I was proud. I was lost. I was exhausted. I was overwhelmed. I cried in front of my team, my clients, my boss.
I do not believe I am immature. I have seen others react to similar emotions by yelling, throwing things, engaging in self harm, or any other variety of ways. This is simply how I express strong emotions.
Hmm, not really, even if someone is doing it regularly I wouldn't think to judge them for it if it doesn't impact their work otherwise. If anything, I would show compassion and ask if everything was OK and if there was anything I could do to help. High functioning depression is a thing.
I remember I used to cry all the time during my pregnancy. Then again I was in a similar state when I was struggling with depression. Thankfully none of my crying episodes happened in front of anyone, usually in the bathroom. However it never impacted my work. If anything, during my depression I threw myself into work even more.
I disagree. P1 said it all. People process emotions differently and I’m glad corporate America is starting to realize / normalize this
Crying is simply an expression or release of emotion. It isn’t necessarily a sign of weakness nor even lack of professionalism. I’ve cried, you’ve cried, we’ve all cried at some point in our careers. I prefer to judge and be judged on my contribution and performance. Many professional men judge harshly, I hope that professional women can be more empathetic and tolerant of varied expressions of emotions.
If it happens that someone you mange cries often, maybe you could have a chat with them, try to understand what’s going on.
It's part of the Amygdala response. When we have certain feelings, our amygdala takes over and causes a reaction. It is very hard to control this response. Some people will cry when they are angry, not just hurt or upset.
Agree. Empathy is probably a key skill in managing both down and up. Please learn from some of the reactions in this post even if you disagree.
Op there is something about how you are posting - the tone- and then the commentary to assert “I am considered one of the best managers” yet while simultaneously posting about how crying women annoy you... it all feels very self unaware. You may be the best manager in the world but I think you should think about how you are coming off on this thread. It feels a bit self unaware, dismissive, higher than thou, judgmental, and defensive. You may disagree but maybe some of this honesty will make you reassess even if for a little bit.
You’re wrong. I never cry at work, but I know people process emotion differently. Sometimes the inability to express that emotion actually is more concerning in certain scenarios. If it doesn’t impact their work leave it alone. Why judge? Don’t we get judged enough on too many other things? If a consultant on my team needs to cry once a week to turn around a kickass deck why the hell should I judge her for that. Come. On. Can we start embodying the change we want to see in men. PLEASE.
OP it’s not an immature reaction. If you want to be in a leadership role you need to understand you need to help people through bad feedback instead of judging them harshly because they cry, especially when you’re the other side of the power unbalance. This actually makes you seem like you could use some more grooming before being anything other than an individual contributor.
Wow, OP, you’re amazing and I wish I could be more like you. I wish i had the balls to ask for advice and tell everyone who takes the time to answer my plea that they are wrong.
Well. Done.
Granted I’ve had a few women that are very strong workers get choked up or a little teary eyed when they made a major mistake or someone yelled at them and I was very understanding in those situations. But recurring tears is a sign of a lack of maturity in the workplace. Am I wrong for this and am I perpetuating the current male dominated culture?
I want to add that I’ve cried at work both for constructive and complimentary feedback. I’m a person who shows my emotions. To help me balance them I’ve asked for feedback in writing in advance, or when in person I’ve asked for a more casual tone to drop the emotional energy in a situation. Sometimes feedback from certain ppl affects me differently or my life/work balance comes into my reaction in a way I might not have expected. I once wanted to hug someone for their feedback. It mattered that much to me. We laughed and high-fived
So treat the person like a human and ask them about themselves to more fully understand
Let me tell you, the second they release a tear-inhibiting product I'll be all over that. In the meantime, my body releases tears without my permission in circumstances like those. Something uncontrollable is NOT "weakness" OR "lack of professionalism" because guess what-- it's not a performance.
I’ve been reading this in the shadows and have enjoyed the mostly professional back and forth. I tend to agree with BCG2 in regards to your responses to people who don’t agree with you - your tone comes off as very defensive, as if you were looking more for validation than for feedback. Another statement you made caught my eye and I’m surprised no one else picked up on it (maybe that means I’m reading too much into it).
“If people didn’t enjoy working with me, I’d have no followers,” was the statement you made in a post above. “Followers”. A good leader doesn’t create followers, they create more leaders. Maybe it’s time for self reflection instead of pointing out your perceived flaws of others?