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How recently? Sure a date can’t hurt but I think most people need a month after a relationship that long
If someone recently broke up with someone after that long, you really have to consider if this person is emotionally available. They might be okay with meeting, but if you want more intimate and emotional connection, you may need to bring it up. Also, 1 month is not enough time for someone to get over someone that quick.
I just got out of a 6.5 year relationship that wasn’t right, I realize i wasn’t happy for a very long time. I’m now seeing someone and it’s been amazing, I was only single for about a month. Honestly it’s not about time, but how that person feels themself. My relationship with my ex ended years ago and we were together out of comfort, not love. So it was easy for me to move on
.
Why not? You are not committing to anything.
Yes. Sometimes a relationship is dead way before it actually ends.
If the person shows that they’re clearly not ready to be dating, just stop dating them.
Yes, why would you not want to go on a date with them?
From my perspective, it almost seems like trying to choose someone’s friends since that appears to be the nature of her relationship with her ex. That might be a slippery slope, but from your standpoint it may create a sense of fear that if you invest in this relationship, she may decide to return to her ex. In the end, it will be a matter of trust which takes time and experience to develop.
I would be up front with your concerns.
I don't think of March being all that recent, personally. And the fact they didn't get back together during covid is probably a good sign right?
Depends on how recent it is. If it's been less than a month and they've already started seriously dating it's a red flag. Nobody moves on that quickly from a LTR, self reflection and alone time after a breakup is essential. If they are already looking it signals to me that they may be insecure or uncomfortable with being single.
Though I’m married now, I was single for most of my adult life. Would I date the person? Yes. Would it go anywhere? It depends on so many variables.
I dated one guy who had been divorced from his wife for more than a year who was STILL obsessed with her. They’d been married for 10 years. He talked about her nonstop. He still spent hours each week grieving the end of their relationship. Needless to say, that went nowhere.
I dated my now husband 6 months after he broke up with his last girlfriend. He was ready for a new relationship, cared about his ex but was clear that he did not want to reunite with her. Obviously, our relationship went somewhere good.
The fact that someone loves an ex non-romantically makes sense to me. I love my ex-husband, though not romantically, even though we’ve been divorced for 16 years. I love platonically the man I lived with from 1989-1991 because he is like part of my family. I’ve known both my ex-husband and the guy I lived with since I was a young teenager. I’m now pushing 60. Both are married to women they adore.
This is complex. Plus it would normal for her to love you as a partner, and still care for her ex.
Ultimately it's about if you are comfortable with her. You have to figure out if she can give you the devotion you think you deserve - and I think you're the only person who can answer that question.
Rising Star
You should have been more clear in your original post, you said “just broke up with the ex” then you write it’s been 9 months (March vs Dec). As with anyone, no matter the situation, you need to clarify what you are looking for. If it’s a relationship that you want, ask if that’s their goal too and if they are emotionally available and ready, if not, move on. Stop assuming things and ask
Yes, if all you’re looking for is fun. If you yourself are looking for something serious, then no. Even if their relationship was dying for a long time, people usually grieve for a month or two before actually starting to do some soul searching and self reflection.
I, personally, wouldn’t seriously date someone who didn’t take the time to self reflect after such a long relationship. They need time to adjust to being alone, and to rediscover themselves.
Chief
Apparently it's been 9 months since March.
I’m the same as the person you’re thinking about dating (5+ years). Yes, I deeply loved my ex despite our issues that eventually led to us breaking up. We were engaged before we’d truly come to have the honest conversation about our future. No animosity, it just wasn’t a good fit for the next 40+ years.
We broke it off in August. It took a few months (I started dating in November) before either of us would consider dating but we both were up front early on with dates that we had baggage. I think that honesty was enough. People saw (I hope) interesting and more importantly earnest dates. Whilst I still care for my ex, I’m humbled by the interest and opportunity to meet great folks. Their understanding has been helpful in moving on.
You don’t owe this person anything but you might be helping them by just being a nice date. Where that goes in the end is anyone’s guess.
Why not? I was in a 7 year relationship that ended and started dating about 6 months later. Am engaged now to somebody new
In non-COVID times, or if it’s a safe, socially distant date, sure, why not? If their last relationship ended in March, that’s plenty of time for someone to be ready to be back in the game. Even if the breakup was more recent, one date is just one date. If I see signs on that date that they’re still hung up on their ex or otherwise not ready for the kind of relationship I’m looking for, I might not go out with them a second time — but there are plenty of reasons not to go on a second date, and there’s not always a clear formula for deciding when someone’s ready based on how long their last relationship was and how long ago they broke up.
Depends on what you’re looking for. If you are serious about it, maybe not a great idea bc this person needs a minute to chill. If you just want to casually hang, why not go on the date
Pro
I wouldn’t if you’d be looking for something serious if the dates went well. I feel like it’s unlikely that she’s truly healed and reflected enough to try again with someone new. Obviously there are exceptions but it sounds risky in terms of you getting attached and then being let down.
The more you date, the more you’ll know more about really what you want and don’t want in a relationship. So yeah, why not go? Dating should be fun and in the worst case you get a good story.
Yes
Yes
If I was looking for something casual yes.
If I was looking for something serious, only if the break up was more than 6 mo ago.