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Pro
Its a cup of coffee my God. This is why the bar is in hell. Wouldnt even go out with him again. Major low effort vibes.
Chief
Low 👏🏼effort👏🏼vibes 👏🏼
A lot of men who respect women as equals are genuinely very confused about paying on dates. They are scared to offend women by implying that they ascribe to the patriarchal assumption that men should pay. If you want a marriage of equals, date as equals. If you expect the man to pay while you’re dating, you’re establishing that his income is more vital to the relationship. Guess what that precedent means when it’s time to decide whose career is more important if someone gets a new job opportunity abroad or when it’s time for one of you to spend more time on childcare and housework?
IMO he could ask if it’s alright if he paid for yours. Then it’s clear he’s willing and respectful. I’d agree with D2 and reserve judgement based on one thing though.
It would be our first and last date
Fine with me, but I'm from Europe
Variant, paying for everything seems to be less common in educated, selfaware men who do not want to assume anything. And do not want to be care bear from the get go
When he looked at you, he probably was turned off based on what he imagined. Do you look like your photos? He probably wasn’t interested in you. If he likes you enough, he would have paid. I’d recommend just moving on without over analyzing it
When i was in the online dating scene, I gained about 10 lbs from some of the photos I posted. The guy was obviously annoyed, showed no interest the whole time no matter how hard I tried and for sure split the bill. He wasn’t gonna pay to go to eat with me. Haha. He was a dick. Happy to report Im happily married now.
Yes. At 37 if a guy can’t buy me a cup of coffee, it says more about me ( and my poor selection pool) than him.
I would view the guy as someone who’s would treat me as an equal. Total positive vibes here for me
Yes,I personally would be turned off! If he asked me out on a date, he should pay
People keep saying we are equals and both part should be okay but the gender/minority wage gap is real
I really hate that when it comes to equality men always pick the things that benefit them first such as splitting bills equally. So many other things are unequal and yet this is the one they focus on. When everything else is equal then we can split the bill. I personally wouldn’t go on another date with them. It’s a turn off. It’s not like you’ve been on lots of expensive dates, it’s a coffee it’s the least he could have done. When these situations occur with friends I usually buy their coffee or visa versa. I think in general it just comes of as kind of cheap. When my husband and I first started dating he mostly paid. And now he’s a stay at home dad and I’m the bread winner.
Chief
It would depend on if he was fine.
I find it most curious that he ordered after you, before you paid. Usually with counter service one bill is ordered and paid for, before the next is ordered. That itself would have indicated to me that he intended to pay the bill... Unless you stepped out of the way directly after ordering because you did expect him to pay. Lots of tiny factors in play here. But on the whole I agree with most other comments who are saying to not use this as the one reason you wouldn't go out with him again.
If he asked you, and didn't mention anything about a budget or being unable to pay, it would irk me. I went out with someone once who was very low income, and stated "hey! I'd love to get your drinks this time, but just FYI I'm on a budget so I'm someone who usually will ask to split unless its a special occasion."
Yea. I dont get why they would split coffee. I wouldnt mind being the one who pays, but would not split coffee...
Chief
This would be fine but generally I prefer for whoever asked for the date to pay. I wouldn’t think much about it though
Ugh he’s 100% not going to be seeing me after that. Remember, the guy shows he’s beat foot forward and it’s only downwards from there. And for all the “mainstream feminist” saying it’s no big deal, general rule should be whoever asked out should pay. You took time out of your schedule and that’s the least he can do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be courted and taken out like a lady!
I think a lot of it is Ken are dating casting a wide net so they don't want to pay for 50 coffees and no second dates. If you go on a second date I'd expect him to at least offer to pay. I always pay for my own first dates because I don't want the perception of a free food scrounger that some women have unfortunately played men for.
Hard pass.
Personally, yes. I have never liked the idea of splitting bills but I’ve also never been the type of female that thinks the guy should always pay. I think whoever asks/invites someone out, should pay. If things go well, then the other person should pick up another tab. I feel like it should even out and if a relationship materializes then revisit the fair balance of splitting.
There is no shortage of men who recognize the extra efforts ladies usually take to get ready for a date. While some guys debate over gender equality and strictly 50-50 over a cup of coffee, others offer the nice gestures to the ladies they interested to know better. Do yourself a favor and spend your efforts on the latter group of men.
Pro
I don’t trade my physical appearance for free coffee and meals.
I think, especially nowadays, during the dating phase everyone should pay for themselves or split the bill. I don't feel it's fair for one person to absorb the burden of always paying. Or take turns. I felt this way over 25 years ago and I still stand by it.
Ew run