Would you be turned off by a guy who asks you out on a coffee date and then has you pay for your own coffee? I ordered at the register first (he ordered right after me) and when the cashier asked if we were paying together or separately, he said separately. He has a high paying job

likefunny
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Its a cup of coffee my God. This is why the bar is in hell. Wouldnt even go out with him again. Major low effort vibes.

likesmartfunny

Low 👏🏼effort👏🏼vibes 👏🏼

like

A lot of men who respect women as equals are genuinely very confused about paying on dates. They are scared to offend women by implying that they ascribe to the patriarchal assumption that men should pay. If you want a marriage of equals, date as equals. If you expect the man to pay while you’re dating, you’re establishing that his income is more vital to the relationship. Guess what that precedent means when it’s time to decide whose career is more important if someone gets a new job opportunity abroad or when it’s time for one of you to spend more time on childcare and housework?

likefunny

IMO he could ask if it’s alright if he paid for yours. Then it’s clear he’s willing and respectful. I’d agree with D2 and reserve judgement based on one thing though.

like
Recent IconRecent

It would be our first and last date

likefunny

Fine with me, but I'm from Europe

like

Variant, paying for everything seems to be less common in educated, selfaware men who do not want to assume anything. And do not want to be care bear from the get go

like

When he looked at you, he probably was turned off based on what he imagined. Do you look like your photos? He probably wasn’t interested in you. If he likes you enough, he would have paid. I’d recommend just moving on without over analyzing it

likesmart

When i was in the online dating scene, I gained about 10 lbs from some of the photos I posted. The guy was obviously annoyed, showed no interest the whole time no matter how hard I tried and for sure split the bill. He wasn’t gonna pay to go to eat with me. Haha. He was a dick. Happy to report Im happily married now.

Yes. At 37 if a guy can’t buy me a cup of coffee, it says more about me ( and my poor selection pool) than him.

like

I would view the guy as someone who’s would treat me as an equal. Total positive vibes here for me

funnylike

Yes,I personally would be turned off! If he asked me out on a date, he should pay

like

People keep saying we are equals and both part should be okay but the gender/minority wage gap is real

likehelpful

I really hate that when it comes to equality men always pick the things that benefit them first such as splitting bills equally. So many other things are unequal and yet this is the one they focus on. When everything else is equal then we can split the bill. I personally wouldn’t go on another date with them. It’s a turn off. It’s not like you’ve been on lots of expensive dates, it’s a coffee it’s the least he could have done. When these situations occur with friends I usually buy their coffee or visa versa. I think in general it just comes of as kind of cheap. When my husband and I first started dating he mostly paid. And now he’s a stay at home dad and I’m the bread winner.

like

It would depend on if he was fine.

funny

I find it most curious that he ordered after you, before you paid. Usually with counter service one bill is ordered and paid for, before the next is ordered. That itself would have indicated to me that he intended to pay the bill... Unless you stepped out of the way directly after ordering because you did expect him to pay. Lots of tiny factors in play here. But on the whole I agree with most other comments who are saying to not use this as the one reason you wouldn't go out with him again.

like

If he asked you, and didn't mention anything about a budget or being unable to pay, it would irk me. I went out with someone once who was very low income, and stated "hey! I'd love to get your drinks this time, but just FYI I'm on a budget so I'm someone who usually will ask to split unless its a special occasion."

likefunny

Yea. I dont get why they would split coffee. I wouldnt mind being the one who pays, but would not split coffee...

like

This would be fine but generally I prefer for whoever asked for the date to pay. I wouldn’t think much about it though

like

Ugh he’s 100% not going to be seeing me after that. Remember, the guy shows he’s beat foot forward and it’s only downwards from there. And for all the “mainstream feminist” saying it’s no big deal, general rule should be whoever asked out should pay. You took time out of your schedule and that’s the least he can do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be courted and taken out like a lady!

like

I think a lot of it is Ken are dating casting a wide net so they don't want to pay for 50 coffees and no second dates. If you go on a second date I'd expect him to at least offer to pay. I always pay for my own first dates because I don't want the perception of a free food scrounger that some women have unfortunately played men for.

funny

Hard pass.

like

Personally, yes. I have never liked the idea of splitting bills but I’ve also never been the type of female that thinks the guy should always pay. I think whoever asks/invites someone out, should pay. If things go well, then the other person should pick up another tab. I feel like it should even out and if a relationship materializes then revisit the fair balance of splitting.

like

There is no shortage of men who recognize the extra efforts ladies usually take to get ready for a date. While some guys debate over gender equality and strictly 50-50 over a cup of coffee, others offer the nice gestures to the ladies they interested to know better. Do yourself a favor and spend your efforts on the latter group of men.

like

I don’t trade my physical appearance for free coffee and meals.

I think, especially nowadays, during the dating phase everyone should pay for themselves or split the bill. I don't feel it's fair for one person to absorb the burden of always paying. Or take turns. I felt this way over 25 years ago and I still stand by it.

likefunny

Ew run

like

Related Posts

First time soon to be a dad here. Is it abnormal that I don’t want to have sex with my pregnant wife?

Disappointed by the lack of diversity of Atlanta

like

1. I’m a pandemic hire at this new agency and I like it enough, but I feel SO detached from all these humans I’ve never interacted with IRL… like, I just don’t give a flying fuck about these team-building zoom calls. :(

2. My boyfriend and I often just go off cam / mute during the more useless meetings and have sex instead. I secretly hope everyone who is muted/cam off in meetings is getting some action.

likefunny

Anyone have thoughts on diversity at Apple?

38F here .. for those of you on apps and seeking a relationship, not something casual, what are your age filters? Please specify your age and gender when replying

like

Are there any diversity clubs/groups in B4/EY? Are they worth it in terms of meeting new people/networking/making friends?

Divorced mom (no travel) 1 yr ago. Separated 3. I’m starting to think abt dating but I had married my second boyfriend & lack dating exp. On bumble. Rebound vs. relationship? Miss friendship & trust

Welcome to the HR Equity and Inclusion Bowl, let’s come together to discuss ways we can change organization culture, so that all staff feel a sense of belonging.

like

Went on three dates in last three weeks. Two of them backed out when they came to know that I travel everyweek. The one left was unhappy this morning when I got up at 4 to catch my flight. FML !

like

Hi lady fishies, what do you guys do when you have a book as a goal? Read it on company time? But I feel I don't have that time. Also, have any sales books with woman authors to recommend. Can't stomach any more men than required right now.

like

Went on a first date, thought it was like a 6-7 out of 10 connection and with some red flags, but then she was so honest and cute the way we said bye that my heart melted into a puddle. Now I can't get her out of my head and am like a little kid excited for Disneyland anticipating date two. I'm in trouble 😅

like

Any female 🐠 in San Francisco looking to grab a drink?

likefunny

I think my brother is an idiot when it comes to his dating life. He recently started dating someone that the whole family loves - really down to earth, great personality, educated, hot and has a career. I just found out my bro is cheating on her with his ex (who is toxic/manipulative, stole money from my mother & doesn’t have a job or trying to get one). From a personality, values & looks perspective, the new girlfriend is what every guy would dream of. Im jealous &wish I could date her instead

likefunny

U.K. thread 👇🏽 post: age, gender & location!

Comment your city and gender.

I am looking for a 6th year program in equity or diversity Any information ?

like

Hey! I am currently working as a Diversity, Equity & Inclusion consultant but looking to transition into DEI Program Management (or similar) for an organization. I’ve started getting some follow ups for jobs but unsure of a firm salary range. One organization said they were offering 92k which I thought was pretty low. Another organization was transparent and said they were looking at 135k. What’s the going rate? Sidenote, I have 10 years of HR experience, 3 DEI certifications.

like

My friend is looking for a boy frm Banglore, she is currently working there. Age 33. Working as Hr coordinator. Caste no issue. But should be kannadiga.

like

More Posts

Anyone working in capgemini engineering(altran) in mumbai?

like

How does PWC handle H1 amendments? in Ey we have to spend 4-5 weeks to get that filled for any traveling project

Hi All,
I'm looking for Management Consulting or Project/Product management roles. Currently serving notice period and available to join in 10 days.
YOE:4.5 Years(B.E.+MBA-IIM Raipur)

Please let me know in case of any opportunities in your organisation.

like

What are everyone's thoughts on executive MBA vs. traditional MBA? I'm currently pursuing a traditional MBA but sometimes I wonder what could've been 😅

like

Does back end knowledge team jobs at MBB require casing interviews?

like

Best dating app for real relationships (not flings/hookups)?

like

How much will moving cities affect my exit opportunities? Analyst working in Human Capital Consulting in New York, but don’t really want to live in the city. Thinking about exiting into industry. Cont

HBO Max announced they will remove 36 titles from their platform. I hate it when this happens, especially when I'm in the middle of a show and suddenly, after going through so many episodes, it gets pulled from streaming.

like

If we’re to contract a consulting firm to prosecute trump out of office, which one and why would it be McKinsey

Post Photo
likefunny

Is it just me or is anyone else working from home with their tv turned on, or doing something else like watching youtube on their second monitors screens/devices?

like

Any companies that you know of that hire those without consulting background?

Looking to make a career switch into consulting or IT type role. Any help is appreciated!

like

6 months pregnant and just laid off. And 40% of my severance was just taken in taxes .. I just spoke with paid family leave and I no longer qualify even though I had been paying into the program (thanks NY).. I already applied for unemployment but doctors are telling me I’ve got 10-14 weeks left in this pregnancy.. so stressed having twins and being unemployed, no maternity leave, no paychecks coming in, and I’ve been applying but not a single interview.. just ugh. 😭

like

Hi fishes, DM for referral.

Business Development Representative - Canada
Location: Canada - Canada - Remote
Function:: Marketing

Post Photo

Hi, I have got an offer from HSBC at Analyst - GCB 6 for Business Analyst Role where the job title in the letter is given as Analyst.

I wanted to check if anyone who works in HSBC Global Transformation team can help me walkthrough the structure and the work culture in it.

like

Hi Fishes,
Can you decline the job offer after receiving the offer letter when you haven't even accepted it? Would it cause any problem? Also, sharing your payslips, current job offer letter BEFORE getting an offer from any prospective employer is safe? Specially if you haven't made any decision yet & actively applying to multiple jobs?

like

I'd love to create a sticky post here where we can share what technology tools we use to do our job better as Adhd consultants.
I've posted a tool - please consider using a similar format so it's consistent and easy to follow.

like

What is the standard billing for a surgical PA? 20% of what the MD is billing? Does anyone know?

like

Additional Posts in Women In Consulting

Trying to get a 45 y/o sibling in to consulting (was an entrepreneur prior in the restaurant industry). No college degree but willing to bust his butt to learn. Books/online courses recommended pls

like

My friend who I have known for 10 years recently became really weird about paying me back for things and I’m not sure how to handle it. We went to a group dinner and everyone paid me back but her, I assumed she forgot and let it go. We went out to grab a drink yesterday, I had one glass of wine, she had 3 cocktails and then ordered a meal, when the bartender asked how we wanted to split the check she quickly said “you can just split it evenly”. I ended up paying $55 for my glass of wine (cont)

like

ladies, seriously thinking about renting a place for a month and just working from there to change scenery. Any places you would recommend? i love the outdoors but honestly a little chickened out to venture out to the middle of the woods/nowhere completely alone. Cities themselves are out of the question. Any tips/experiences highly appreciated

like

Matching pajama sets that won’t break the bank? (<$100)

like

I recently presented to some potential new hires on a video call. DURING the call, one of the potential hires sent me a DM on LinkedIn saying "Hey ;) Maybe we can collaborate" What the hell do I do? It feels so unprofessional. This guy has already been offered a job, we were just trying to convince them to accept. But I am uncomfortable.

likefunny

Hi ladies, any one came across any good notes/ resources on financial accounting 101?

like

1st week in Detroit. Walked to dinner at 8pm (wasn’t dark out yet) & averaged 1.66 cat calls per block... I’m sick of having to figure out “safe 4 women” routes in each proj city. Just needed to vent

like

Has anyone gone through breast cancer diagnosis and can share their experience with managing through it?

likehelpfuluplifting

starting to look into holiday activities ideas - does anybody have suggestions for chocolate/wine pairing sets?

like

Anyone ever felt GOOD leaving a good team? Seeking ideas/advice for sendoff support. Great employee is leaving my team for a new opportunity… Bummer for us but happy for her, don’t want to be blah about it. (That said we were not super close!)

like

Been passed over for promotion twice (had support from multiple partners both times). Received the top performance rating every year since joining the firm (6 years), which I’ve heard is rare. When passed over, the partners say there were others who have been waiting longer (not necessarily with the highest ratings) and that I should “keep doing what I’m doing” and basically wait my turn. Anyone else face this and have any suggestions/guidance?

like

Recommendations for a good therapist conducting virtual visits? Particularly interested in someone who specializes in stress related to work and family. Female preferred. Thanks, ladies

like

How does salary play into you dating? Just realized I make fire than the guy I’m dating

like

Any self help books for women who don’t have good relationships (and possibly are depressed and jaded)? Maybe something for courage to lead a life without depending on others

like

What’s a good way to get your personal data scrubbed off the internet?

like

Ladies, love to hear your thoughts. I’m in my late 20’s with a handful of close gfs (most of them live far) but I have a history of losing girlfriends. I’m self aware to a fault and am very supportive/responsive but other than my core group, it’s hard for me to keep gfs around other than 6 month span. It’s happening to me again right now and it’s really hard, she’s going through something and pulling away/towards others when we have been VERY close before. Anyone else have this experience?

like

My career counselor has seemed kind of cold towards me lately and I’m not sure why. Previously, she’s been someone I could count on to sponsor me, but she seems eager to get off our check in calls and hasn’t advocated for me in the ways I would’ve expected. For example, I went outside of our account for a stretch role and had walked through the logic of that decision (the role is on a high visibility project that could lead to more work, it’s a role meant for someone two career levels above mine

like

How to date while living at home with your parents?? Feels so awkward 😬

likehelpful

How you deal with managers who want to constantly micro manage? I feel like this attitude is only towards me ( only woman in the team ) As much as I try to build the trust and deliver high cont'd.

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal