would you choose money or love? one guy that i’m seeing does well for himself (in consulting) but another is a surgery resident. I often think about living a comfy life/not working. thoughts?

likefunny
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Which one is money and which one is love?

likefunny

Seriously lol it would be very funny if the consultant makes partner down the road while the general surgeon caps out at 3-400 for life.

Don't get sucked in, OP. My aunt married a multi millionaire cosmetic surgeon. He calls her a well-dressed peasant, they have separate wings of the house, and she's being treated for various psychological issues (which I'd argue all stem from her utter boredom and lack of purpose in life).

likehelpfulsmart

Married to a physician here - Surgery residency is long and grimy and they end up with a plethora of loans. You also have to think of the sacrifices you have to make with your potential husband being on call, working late hours or missing big events due to schedule. I could comfortably be a stay at home wife if I wanted but we are also not rolling in the dough as people are led to believe. Just something to think about if the surgery resident is the “‘money” choice ...

likesmart

Money comes and go. Love tends to stick a little more. But hey if you’re viewing marriage as a financial arrangement and not a deep partnership then go for money I guess.

like

In my perspective, you have to be an extremely specific person to devote a life to the sole concept of wealth.
I’d rather laugh myself to tears, rubbing pennies with my SO than fathom a life without him, in any circumstance. To each their own. Only time will tell.

like

I will add, most of my parents life long friends happen to all be stupid rich (oil money, inherited banks, etc). Most of them experienced nasty divorces or are outwardly unhappy/ enduring dysfunctional relationship dynamics. Half of their children, my age (<=30yo), are already divorced.

like

I came from a poor family. And I’d still choose love any day. I also take pride in working hard to be where I am and get what I have.

It depends on what’s more important to you, what makes you happy.

likeuplifting

A2 definitely! We didn’t have money to buy everything we wanted. But the things money can’t buy, that’s what we had in our home. It made me realize, not having a lot of money isn’t so bad, because at the end of the day, it’s not the most important asset I’ll ever have in my life. It’s the relationships I create and nurture.

like

I truly enjoy making my own money & working towards my goals so I’ve never had someone’s income be a deal breaker/maker for me- I will say that there are a lot of mediocre things in life, but love shouldn’t be one of them. I guess it comes down to what is more important for you

like

You ever heard of ‘’marry for $ and you’ll end up earning every penny?” The person who marries for money may not have love, respect or even necessarily friendship to see them through; ‘all they have is money’. Money is not enough. The novelty of material possessions wears off. The work of staying married to a person one doesn't love is much harder than where there is love. Their work is so hard, they will earn every penny of it.

likesmart

I choose financial stability, but if you can give yourself that then choose love since you already have the wealth.

likehelpful

I chose love. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I wouldn’t change a thing. The money came later. While he didn’t come from money, I did. He is a self-made man and I’m proud of him and the life we’ve built. And, yes, I don’t work anymore, I’m recently ‘retired’.

like

Love this! Because when you love someone and support each other, both ambitious and have vision, you can create a life beyond your wildest dreams. I believe it, because I’ve seen it. My parents and grandparents were the exact same way. The women came from money, the men did not. Let’s just say, it all worked out. Love isn’t enough on it’s own, but when you find that you can truly build partnership with someone sky is the limit.

like

Marry for love; find a job you love so much that it feels like „not working“

like

If you’re asking this about two specific people, probably neither is the right person. But regardless, choose love. Money brings its own problems.

like

thanks, all. I really like the consultant and while the surgery resident is nice, I don’t know that we necessarily vibe the way the other guy and I do. could be timing, but I also see a future with the consultant so these thoughts could be a result of self sabotage which i’m known for. appreciate everyone’s advice and opinions

like

@SA1 the debt part maybe true, but a lot of MBAs and JDs (who work in consulting) have a ton of debt too. Totally agree with the rest though

My SO is in residency now and it comes with understanding and support from me. But in my case it's not the money, its love and the person. He is the best person I have been with, which is why it's easy for me to make those sacrifices when needed. I dont know if I'd have it in me to make compromises if there was no real love. He also goes above and beyond to make sure to put in time in our relationship.

like

Can I object to the either/or premise of this question? Why can’t you have both?

like

If I feel more attraction for the less financially successful person, I’d go for him. $$$$ is just a comforting pillow after a certain level... unless you weigh ritzy vacation with a blah man more than an avg walk in the park with the man you are crazy about.

like

Love isn’t enough and money isn’t enough to stay. Do a pro and con chart for both parties. Also if you are religious, pray about it.

like

Just chose the guy you want, it’s your life! You know what you value the most

Both these people make tons of money and why can’t you have both?

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