{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Would you date a guy who grew up under a father who was abusive towards his mother? He doesn’t like his dad for oblivious reasons but I am kind of scared to walk into this. He seems like a great guy", "post_id": "5b6a06ae2868cd0014ea7258", "reply_count": 6, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

Would you date a guy who grew up under a father who was abusive towards his mother? He doesn’t like his dad for oblivious reasons but I am kind of scared to walk into this. He seems like a great guy

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My father was abusive and I hate him so much. I try everyday to never be like him. I love the person I am with bc he is nothing like my father and I am so glad he didn’t run away when I told him about my shitty family

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I get that this is a shocking situation for you but you are not dating his father. We are strangers who haven’t met the guy so we can’t tell you if we would date THIS guy. I will say that there are many people who have dealt with trauma early or later in life. There are often psychological impacts from that. That being said, you have to decide if you want to see how this guy has turned out. We all have things that impact us psychologically whether it’s trauma, culture, upbringing or anything else. We shouldn’t judge others for their experiences. But you have to out weigh this guys pros and cons from your interactions and his interactions with others.

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OP - my brother and I grew up with a father who was abusive to my mother. My brother eventually would step in to stop things. And my brother is the gentlest, most caring husband to my sister in law. Try and get to know your prospective beau a bit more and then make the call. Good luck with whatever you decide

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It doesn’t automatically mean that he will be just like his dad - but you can make your own judgement as you get to know him. You don’t have to rush into anything. My grandfather was abusive, and my father turned out to be abusive too. That doesn’t mean it’ll be same for your guy though.

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Sm1 I have the same problem. I have a shitty family and it's hard to cope. My husband is in ur shoes op and could've easily said man her mom is crazy I hope she doesn't turn into her mom but we're not our parents and I'm glad he understood that. I will never be the kind of abusive that my mom is.

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I had the opposite problem - grew up with and still have an emotionally abusive, controlling, extreme narcissistic mother. Tried to screen ex from most of it but sometimes she would treat me so badly it was hard to cope. He had very little empathy and eventually told me he couldn’t “fix” me. I only relate this to suggest that you try not to hold him accountable for his father’s behavior and be supportive. If you really like him, hang in there and develop trust. Hoping you will find that he is his own person and will treat you with love and respect. I never wanted to be “fixed” but I sure would have loved empathy, acceptance and unconditional love. Good luck!

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