{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Would you date someone who lived in NJ? I’m getting sick of being ghosted as soon as they find out I live in NJ. You mean you’d rather date someone who technically lives further away but because they’re in Manhattan it’s ok? Not to mention their apartment will be a tiny closet opposed to a modern condo and a car. I don’t get it. Gimme a valid reason aside from “iTs ANOTHEr sTaTe!”", "post_id": "60a81b2d1533640029ac066f", "reply_count": 287, "vote_count": 45, "bowl_id": "5aa3ebca6a56fa0013ec82de", "bowl_name": "New York City", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Would you date someone who lived in NJ? I’m getting sick of being ghosted as soon as they find out I live in NJ. You mean you’d rather date someone who technically lives further away but because they’re in Manhattan it’s ok? Not to mention their apartment will be a tiny closet opposed to a modern condo and a car. I don’t get it. Gimme a valid reason aside from “iTs ANOTHEr sTaTe!”

likefunny
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Perhaps perception, but less to do in NJ. And you’re missing the point of WHY people live in Manhattan vs NJ- it’s a different value system (to generalize). NYCers don’t value things like a modern condo or having a car *as highly*. Higher value placed on things to do and convenience. Manhattan has such a wide variety and super easy to get around for dates, bar hopping, shows, seeing friends more easily. It feels like if I cross the river, it makes it more complicated to plan or coordinate, because I also don’t know the area to start, and then due to less options.

like

No OP, most NYers do not think about living in a larger apartment. They like the way the city is - the fact that there's lots going on, the people, etc. They don't consider having a larger apartment a positive or a negative. It's zero value to them. They do consider having to figure out how to go see someone they haven't met or met only once or twice - figuring out path schedule, more expensive ubers, etc- all those are inconveniences. So they just don't want to deal with it, in particular because the pool of eligible people in the city is large enough. For what it's worth, when I was single, dating someone in Brooklyn or Queens was an even larger No from me. It was more about the commute time than anything else. And the only reason jersey was somewhat ok is because my family is from there. But I still did not want to go to Hoboken or JC. I live and work in the city, I don't want to stay over to commute in the morning. I'm paying the exorbitant NYC prices so I would not have to do this at all.

likefunny

People commenting about convience are a bit funny. If you're looking for a long term relationship, not a one night stand, then you're better off not being with someone who's number one priority is convience. Relationships are not about convience. Second it would be rare for the person living in New York to be the one commuting. People who commute to the city for work are already there five days a week and are usually there on the weekends. It really comes down to perception (as some have already alluded to). People think of new jersey folks as less than. The comments about NJers preferring more space and a car sound like privileged comments. The fact is not everyone can afford to live in the city. Also most of these people are transplants and are acting as if Manhattan and prospect park are the only parts of new york. 

likeupliftingsmart
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Listen I don't want to cross a bridge or go through a tunnel to see you.

likefunnyuplifting

In my experience - the NJ folks complain about the cost of coming into the city.

likehelpful

Find someone in NJ then, if a modern condo and a car matter so much to you? I’m not going to jersey even if they live in a castle

likefunnysmart

Maybe they’re just not that into you.

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You are in the wrong bowl

likefunnysmart

Op , reading ur replies made all my red flag illuminate. Must be pleasant to talk to you . SM1 tried to explain respectfully but I guess he learned his leSson . Since u come across as such a delight the guy probably ghosted you . This is the only acceptable reason since all others reasons are invalid as per your logic

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Reading the comments, sounds more like a rant than a question. I won’t even talk to someone on a dating app if they’re in NJ, Bronx or Queens no matter how attractive they are. EV dude here.

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Actually same. I filtered out people that lived outside of Manhattan, more for the convenience of being able to see them. My boyfriend lives on UWS and I live in Chelsea, the 20 min bus ride is a dream commute

Ok, I’ll bite.... I would consider the theory of evolution. Back in the caveman days, the cavemen who use to swim over to New Jersey from Manhattan would drown, be eaten by sharks and/ or eaten by NJ Saber tooth tigers and not procreate. The ones that evolved were the Manhattan cavemen who were like,”nah...I’m good”

likefunny

Roast OP for being illogical and annoying. Lmao 🤣

You want NYC material for New Jersey prices...not happening.

likefunny

You’re equating flying to Nebraska and taking a 20 min PATH ride. While it is reasonable to consider the former a bit much, the latter is downright snobby. According to you, NYC material is also not someone financially prudent...

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No, people from jersey are subhuman. (I’m from jersey btw)

likefunny

I don’t even date people in Brooklyn

likefunnyuplifting

OP keeps saying he’s asking why, people give him reasons, and he doesn’t accept them....

likeuplifting

I think most Jersey ppl are not dying to date someone “cool” from downtown Manhattan but rather prefer people on their side on the river too.

likesmart

We pay a lot of money to live in New York. The convenience of living in a 2 mile radius without needing to cross bridges is a lifestyle most are unwilling to sacrifice. Many people will one day move to the suburbs and have kids, the yolo factor of living in Manhattan requires a certain level of commitment to not ‘slipping back’ to the suburbs where many of us come from and shall possibly one day return.

likefunnyuplifting

No idea where you were going with that remark (NJ stereotype?) in first place. Care to explain? If SD1’s comment is not the definition of snobby, I’m not sure what is.

It’s not the distance, but also the commuting time required to change from MTA to the PATH or Ferry. People are more OK sitting on the same train for more time so as long as they don’t have to move. And if you want to take Uber, prices are pretty crazy. Just to take the Lincoln or Holland, the fees from tolls and others basically make it a 30 dollar ride even if it is just across the water.

likesmart

Lol EY1. “Same Uber to NJ is like $50”? Sounds like you’ve never taken an Uber to NJ.

When someone lives in NYC esp Manhattan - they already are stating their priorities clearly & It is not SPACE/CAR/CONDO.! When you pick NJ, you reflect your own priorities which is not aligned to NYC vibe and culture. There is no right or wrong. I think people in NYC pick def personalities and mindset over other things

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@OP Your purposeful ignorance is annoying. People in Manhattan DGAF about your condo or car. It actually is a negative attribute that you care about those things. Once you truly understand that, then you will have an idea why NYers don’t date people from NJ If having a big house and a car was important I would be in Texas

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I married someone that was, at the time, in Long Island, which is worse, but I also wouldn't have done the first date had I known. I live literally 500 feet from a path station. Still wouldn't swipe right outside Manhattan. There are tens of thousands of single women in Manhattan. Probably thousands I can walk to. Why overcomplicate it? There is no shortage of women worth dating. Everything is so much easier when the person is in your area.

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It has nothing to do with being “triggered”. If I was dating someone and she moved further away I wouldn’t immediately dump her because of it but that doesn’t mean that I’m interested at all in starting something new with someone living an inconvenient distance away. I usually don’t swipe on people living in Brooklyn, Astoria, Harlem or FiDi either. It’s just not worth it

like

OP, why aren’t *you* dating someone who lives in NJ?

likesmart

Maybe try doing activities to meet people in person. People on dating apps filter for the ideal situation and choices seem limitless. If you meet an amazing person before you know where they live, you’re more likely to overlook an inconvenient location.

likeuplifting

I host, don’t travel

funnylike

You’re so important!

funny

Hell no. I’m barely willing to cross to UWS.

likefunny

Couples that live in different boroughs are practically in long distance relationships. If you’re in NJ, that’s practically cross country.

likesmartfunny

OP is shooketh lol

likefunny

So I had a boyfriend who I loved a lot dumped me because he cannot “deal” with coming to NJ (I live right by the ferry in weehawken, so the commute is like 8 min). And I met another guy lived in Manhattan for 10 yrs and he is willing to move in with me in NJ. Married with the latter. If they are figuring out money from the very beginning, then they are not the one.

likeuplifting

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