Unprofessional Topics 🙃

Would you date someone who’s everything you’re looking for other than their looks aren’t in line with what you want? I feel shallow asking this but I feel like accountants think alike

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I think it's important to be physically attracted to them

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There is a difference between not feeling physically/sexually attracted to someone (which is what some comments above are saying) and objectively assessing someone’s level of attraction as being below what you thought you would end up with. The first scenario is a deal breaker and the second scenario is shallow. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think OP is struggling with the latter. He/she seems sexually attracted to this woman, but she doesn’t fit the more objective and societally imposed image of “hot wife” that OP had previously envisioned. Perhaps she isn’t as thin, tan, made up or well dressed as OP has imagined a future wife to be. I was/am in a similar situation (dating a guy below my height ideal) and I decided to go for it. If the personality and sexual chemistry is there, who cares about an Instagram image?!?

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likeuplifting
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The further this conversation goes, the more I dislike you. Sorry 🤷🏼‍♂️

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Sometimes you might not be initially attracted to that person, but as you get to know them, they can look more attractive to you. And sometimes you’ll just never be attracted to him. I had a friend who rly liked me, but no matter how much more I got to know him, I was never attracted to him. He was the kind of guy I was looking for in a relationship, and I knew he would treat me well. But physical attraction is also important. I’m not necessarily saying I want to be with a 10. He could be a 10 to someone else, but to me he just wasn’t it.... I think you would know if you’ll ever be attracted to him.

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Looks fade OP.

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Exactly, so don’t start low.

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If you share interests, get to know each other as friends. Attraction can change as you get closer and let's face it, looks change over time for better or worse. You need to be arracted to them but it isn't always what you think. Focus on friendship and see if it goes anywhere. If it doesn't, you have a new friend with similar interests.

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Often times we have an idea of what we want - height, eye/hair color, physique - but that's not usually the end of it. It usually is more of a "best case scenario" or the "perfect SO". If you're attracted to them what's the difference? Attraction is important and isn't shallow.

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If you really like someone, I think it is impossible to think of what others think.. but the fact that you have such little confidence, and they do seem like an amazing person, OP.. let this person go.. like you said, they create a safe space for you! Let someone else have that same safe space that you don’t want because of their looks.. it’s only fair..

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It’s a struggle. We met on Bumble like 8 months ago. Things got busy with studying for the CPA exam and work so we never hung out. We were friends on snap and IG, and it was a hard no, but she’s cool AF so I kept talking to her or whatever. Then we started hanging out maybe a month ago and she’s better looking in person, but I always go back to the IG pics and shit and think she doesn’t fit into my long term plans. Other than that she’s hands down the coolest chick I’ve dated. From day one I’ve been very open about how I like the idea of dating but then it comes down to actually doing it I always pick my job first. We’ve had this conversation 5 or so times and she’s totally chill with my job. Literally just wants to be with me for an hour before bed or when I have time. Then tells me she’s dated enough guys to know exactly what she wants and I’m that guy.....this is what brings me to my question. Never really had something like this before but I’m not going to string her alone if it’s not right for me. Just hard figuring out what’s right.

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Nah. If you’re barely attracted to that person now, imagine if you marry them for >5 years and have to look at them every morning and every night. If you’re planning on cheating, whatever I guess. But if not, and you’re already not attracted to them, don’t contribute to the divorce statistics, unless you tryna marry someone for their money.

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Thank you all. It’s weird because I’ve never really met anyone who I have this many similar interests with and who I’m so chill around....don’t give AF how I look or what I say. Physically everything is off the charts foo. I’ve read about this ‘bar theory’ where they say if you’d look around and care if people saw you with this person then it would be a reason to break up. I think I’d look around. I’m not a 10 either but still.

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So you have similar interests, you’re chill around her and can be yourself, everything is off the charts physically.....and you want to break up with them because of what people think of you when you are seen together? I don’t think it’s “bar theory”, I think it’s “shallow person”‘ theory.

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“Accountants” think like this? I think everyone does

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I think I’m going to go for it and see if things change

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We wish you wouldn’t

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If you like them yeah. If you don’t like them, no. It’s possible to really like someone even if you don’t find them physically attractive

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I would.

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Feeling like my boyfriend and I are kind of going thru this. We are a long distance relationship and lately it just feels like we are living separate lives. I don’t look forward to him coming over and don’t feel like I’m attracted to him and I think it’s taking a toll on our relationship.

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Uhhh... “I don’t look forward to him coming over and don’t feel like I’m attracted to him” Time to find a new mate, mate.

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It’s a no. If even with all those values aligned, you are still not interested in him physically. I don’t think it’s going anywhere.

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Personality and similar interests are key.

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Personally I have to find him attractive, I just can’t imagine to be intimate with someone that I’m not attracted to.

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Work on your values OP pls

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@PWC3 we’re not even dating. That’s why I’m asking. I’m trying to be proactive in my decision so I don’t hurt anyone.

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I think you do need to be attracted to someone. But if the other stuff isn't there then it is very easy for the whole thing to go sour. Think the list of importance might need to go something like this. 1. Values 2. Interests 3. Traits 4. Attraction But really, want do I know.

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No one wants to be with someone who isn’t attracted to them.

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likefunnysmartuplifting
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2020

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