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The mutual dislike between the two of you as well as lack of respect on his part would be enough for me to not invite him to the wedding if I were in your shoes, adding in him being a previous hookup makes it worse. Smells like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dump the fiancé
Past hookup, sure. Someone who never respected me, no. As I woman I also would not want someone I hooked up with (who never respected my fiancé or his place in my life) around.
That’s an excellent point - it strikes me as bizarre that OP’s fiancee wants to invite anyone to the wedding who has some animosity towards her soon-to-be spouse.
Add in the past intimate connection and it makes it all the stranger; she sounds more sensitive to the feelings of this past fling than the man she’s marrying.
Break off the engagement... or you can ignore this and divorce in... say 2-3 years? 🤷🏻♀️
You chose blood with this comment
Sounds like your fiancé cares more about the feelings of this past hookup than your own feelings. I’m gonna say what everyone is thinking, but doesn’t want to say. Your fiancé sounds like 🗑. In my opinion, this would be enough for me to reconsider the engagement. But that’s just me.
That’s gonna be a no from me
Have you asked her how she would feel if the situation was reversed and you insisted on inviting someone who you used to hook up with on multiple occasions? This isn’t just any event or party, its your WEDDING and she’s insisting on inviting someone that she not only had been with intimately but also disrespects you on top of that? Out of all the days and events that she could argue with you on this topic, she chooses the ultimate display of love between two people. Huge red flag and coming from a woman…theres a REASON she wants him there and it isn’t casual or because she’s being nice, I smell unfinished, ongoing business.
Makes me wonder if she’s (childishly) hoping the fling will make some at-the-altar confession of love… or perhaps that he’ll sneak into the bride’s dressing room for one last hurrah.
I’ve been in this exact situation. My girl has 0 communication with anyone she ever had anything with. 0 guys from the past, 0 problems.
Communicate it across and see how she reacts - it’ll show you a piece of her inner personality.
When it feels fishy, it is. Something is up and it’s not this simple yes or no on an invite. I’d ask your fiancé why it matters more to have him there “for his feelings” than it does to not, for your feelings.
Not trying to jump to conclusions but my gut says this girl is a selfish person if I’m being honest
If she’s hot as hell and you feel like you out kicked your coverage, I promise you, you’re wrong. And if she’s as selfish as she’s coming off, you’ll find her ugly as hell once you realize it
I think something very serious is still going on with two of them… Be a man and ask your fiancé who the guy really is to her
Pro
Queue this song:
https://youtu.be/T4JtCCWB6Y4
Who is he and what is he to you? - Bill Withers
Youre not married to him yet and he’s already disrespectful. It’s only going to get worse over time. Leave him while you can
OP is a guy.
Some of these responses are jumping to a lot of conclusions! Is she insisting on having him there? Are others in the friend group aware of the dynamic, or have they always assumed you got along with everyone? It could be awkward to explain to them why only 1 person wasn’t invited.
To me, the fact that she’s not phased with having him there means she’s over him. But if she’s insisting on having him there or is putting the discomfort of an awkward convo above your relationship, then it’s not a great sign.
Does his family give luxury yachts as wedding gifts? We need to know my dude.
I went to a wedding of a guy that I hooked up with, and was also part of his larger friend group. However, I never disrespected his wife, so that is the bigger issue here. She should be able to explain to this guy why he's not invited (even tho I'm sure you don't want her to even talk to him).
Potential compromise if you're OK with it: he can come to the reception if it's literally all of his friends, but not to wedding /dinner.