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I have a long complicated last name no one ever pronounces correctly, but I would never change it. It’s my own, I don’t need someone else’s name to identify me and I feel very strongly about that (in case you couldn’t tell 😝). Now, we face a real dilemma with kids. We’re really undecided on having them, but if do have them I oppose to them having my husband’s name. Takes a lot more effort on the woman’s part to bring a child into the world. I was thinking maybe giving girls my name and boys his name, but tbd.
@D1 well yea but step-siblings makes more sense to have different last names since they have different parents. I think it’s just going to be very interesting to have kids with the same parents have different last names. But they’re not my kids, so whatever works for y’all!
Less traditional path—my mom didn’t change her name when she got married, and my parents decided that both me and my sister would have her last name. I have loved growing up with her name and I’m definitely planning on keeping my name and passing it on to my children!
For sure! I think there are two big supporting factors here 1) identity and 2) equal partnership. First, my name is a big part of my identity, and I dislike the idea of erasing that just to fulfill a patriarchal cultural norm. Second, I think equal partnership is critical. I want to marry someone who is willing to share domestic labor, support my career, etc., and part of that means respecting my decision that if I have children, they have my last name. I think it’s a good indicator that someone is willing to walk the walk when it comes to having a really progressive relationship. Also, I do have a great last name (although I don’t think that should matter).
Skipped it mostly out of laziness. I thought I might want to change when I had kids but now it’s just normal to us that I have a different name (they have my husbands name). I think this is pretty common where I live to have mixed names in a family
I didn’t change mine. People at work/friends sometimes asked about it and when I said I was too lazy they all agreed it was a hassle and that was the end of that. Not a big deal at all
Changed to my husband’s last name. Reasoning was that if we were to have kids, it could reduce hassle down the road. I figure we’re in it for the long haul. My husband didn’t care if I changed it or not.
My last name is hyphenated. It’s a bitch sometimes with travel booking and official forms but I absolutely wanted to keep my last name. My kids have both our last names, but not hyphenated because of the hassle. My last name is one of their middle names (both have 4 names 😂.) my dad passed away and I don’t have brothers so I wanted my name to live on, but I wanted all of us to be the ‘—-‘ family together. My hubs is indian so him changing his name wasn’t an option with his fam
No nothing like that - it’s more figuring out the format companies use for hyphenated names. Like some use a space, some actually use the hyphen with no space, some run both names together with no space or hyphen. I used to travel with two IDs, one from before I was married with my single name and my current one with the hyphenated name. Helped if there was a situation where a booking was inadvertently done in my single name (which I still use for work sometimes.) If I were more organized immediately following my marriage and transitioned everything as soon as possible, it might not have been as annoying. But I have a LOT of loyalty programs that required hoops to jump through to do the name change
This is an interesting question and I'd like to add my story. I'm from the US and my husband is from Quebec. My last name is German and is very difficult to pronounce and spell. The worst part is the spelling because I've actually missed mail and other things due to my last name being misspelled. So I actually wanted to take my husband's name. We were married in Quebec since this is where we live and work, and come to find out, I'm not allowed to take his name by law just because we're married. It's apparently some law from the 80s, apparently they made it to protect women from their husband seizing control of their assets etc. after divorce. So instead of changing the laws that allowed men to do that, they just took away our right to take our husband's name. 🙄 As far as hyphenated names, because of that law they're really common here, and my hubby has one (his mom and dad's names). Even though it's super common here, he still has issues with it. Sometimes he has info under one name, sometimes the other, sometimes both lol. I miss that you can choose to do what you want with your name when you get married in the US, and I think the rest of Canada is like that as well. I would choose to take my hubby's name, but I definitely get why others want to keep theirs. As for hyphenating, I won't do that with our kids' names after seeing what a pain it is for my hubby lol. But it's definitely a choice worth considering, depending on your situation.
That’s so crazy!! Thanks for sharing
I just love to have ONE family ONE name. No misunderstandings, discussion about kids last names, nice and easy.
We chose my husbands name but because I liked his better than mine 😂
I’ve been married for 4 months and I’ve yet to change my last name. I have the form to go to Social Security Office but I keep delaying it. I’m lazy.
I wish I hadn’t changed mine. I’m a foreign national and getting passport, green card, etc updated is a pain in the behind and a financial burden. I do like having one name for all of my family members, but the process (still) is just not fun. If I had another chance, I’d keep my maiden name.
I have a friend considering creating a new name for both of them. She’s Bates. He’s Smith. Batesmith for both of them is being considered. Works well since both are 1-syllable, English names and even share a letter where they are joining them. I really hope they do it since it’s so unique
I think women who bear children should give them their last name. After all, when a man builds something (e.g., a building, a company) you know he gives it his name! ;)
Woman to do all the work changing her name....
Husband and I both changed our names to easy to an interesting but easy to pronounce version that combined both our names. His was incredibly difficult to pronounce and mine was easy but we just decided to both change them. He loves it but did get a ton of statements from guy friends and coworkers.
Didn’t change my name, and 1 kid took my name, the other my husband’s. There has been zero travel drama or confusion, it’s honestly a non-issue. You’re going to explain to your kids where their name comes from anyway - and families are diverse enough that teachers, airports, etc. are completely used to it. I guess we sometimes get mail addressed to the wrong name but if you’re ok with that (we are!) then I really think the issues are manufactured, and probably much less invasive than having to change someone’s name after the fact.
Really helpful. Thanks for your candid perspective!
Didn’t change, will never consider it. I told him if he ever felt so strongly about it or having one family name, he could take mine or we could find one we both love
Okay then, for those who want just one name in the family why not have your husband change his last name to yours? Has anyone considered/done that on this thread?
Not really. I liked his better, and I knew he would like that (he never demanded it though!). But totally agree, everyone their own thing.
Personally I am not sure what to think about the ladies who think „it is SUCH A BIG part of my PERSONALITY“ though 😂
My personality at least has nothing to do with my name. My partners always called me nicknames, for example, always different ones, and I didn’t care. It did not change my personality 😉
My last name is very long and is difficult to pronounce/spell out to people. His is a little less long (still too long to hyphenate both), much easier to pronounce, and I like the idea of having one name for my family, so I'll be changing mine. But to each their own. Everyone should do what works best for them!
I did not. I think part convenience and part pride. He actually wanted to take my last name, but he has two nationalities and the amount of paperwork would have been a nightmare. We are thinking of combining both if we have children
Changed mine cuz my husband cared and I didn’t. I do plan on taking my Maiden name and using it for a kids first name (if we have them, if not then as a dogs name 👌)