I got feedback that I come off a bit "intense" in meetings, which caught me off guard because I honestly feel like I’m just matching the energy in the room—assertive, confident, and direct, like everyone else. But now I’m second-guessing myself. Would they say the same thing if I weren’t the only woman at the table? It’s making me self-conscious, like I need to “tone it down” just to fit in, but I don’t want to dilute who I am. Has anyone else gotten feedback like this? How do you stay true to yourself without compromising professionalism or feeling like you’re too much?

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Not sure where you work or what department etc but it’s the wrong one. Don’t change. I would say don’t try to match the energy either. Just be yourself but certainly do not under any circumstance “tone it down”.

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Agree with others - this is not a YOU problem

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I’ve heard similar feedback before, and it’s frustrating to get feedback that makes you question if it’s really about your style or just bias. One thing that helped me is asking for specific examples when I get feedback like that and sometimes it reveals whether it’s truly about my communication style or just a vague perception. When I feel self-conscious, I remind myself that being direct and confident is a strength, not a flaw. I’d rather be remembered for having a strong voice than fading into the background.

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I would only consider this in a professional capacity. If you are getting points across at meetings or doing your job, that’s not really what I’d count as an issue. Plus it's hard to say how biased that opinion is. If they can give some actual examples/solutions, I’d listen, but doesn't really sound like that's the case here.

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DO NOT CHANGE. Someone is clearly intimidated.

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Honestly I used to get feedback like this too but I learned people just didn't want me to take up space. And you are allowed to take up space. How they perceive what you are saying is on them, it is not on you.

I recently had the same feed back on performance review. I end up calling people out for something incorrect in their group and end up doing their job for them but I get a lower rating for being too assertive….

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