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Tell them exactly that. Dont mention their childlessness though.
Or childfreeness. 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t have kids, but doesn’t mean I don’t understand that maternity leave is far from vacation. I understand how hard it can be taking care of a new born. And even if the baby is “easy” your body just went through so much and you’re recovering and adjusting. Sounds like that person needs a reality check.
I don't feel a need to prove anything to them. If they were capable of empathy (or commonsense), they wouldn't be saying this sh1t to begin with.
I don't think it's true that most childless people don't understand parental leave. I suspect most do - they have friends, siblings, family, and other loved ones who have had babies! Of course they may not have ever been the primary caregiver for an infant before, but it doesn't mean they don't understand. They may just have used the wrong language to describe being out of the office.
Chief
“Ha! It definitely doesn’t feel like a vacation—babies are a ton of work. But, it is a break from work, and I’m grateful for this time to focus my health and the baby.”
Don’t be combative. It’s just shooting yourself in the foot. People who demean taking parental leave just suck, but I wouldn’t try to fix her in one convo.
I was coming here to say basically this - grateful to have the time away from the office to physically recover and take care of a fragile newborn, but it's hardly a "vacation" as we all understand that word to mean. I might add also that the USA has some of the worst family leave laws in the world, and we should all be supportive of each other when we need to take the time to care for a newborn, sick, or elderly family member.
Either nothing, or “if your idea of a vacation is waking every hour to a screaming poop machine while you slowly bleed out for weeks” 😊
It feels like we’re all supposed to collectively lie about how we NEED five (or however many) months. I generally just say that “I’m generally hoping for a medically straightforward birth and it is an incredible privilege to have so much time to bond with my new family.” I feel like that reminds people that it can be a massive medical event / surgery and validates some of what they feel about it being a vacation (which, IMO, most of it is). Also if you’re still struggling after 8 weeks, seek help!!! Really, it could be as simple as a tongue tie making your life miserable and you need to practice with your child care team before going back to work so it’s less disorienting.
Yeah, this is definitely not everyone’s experience. I share the same sentiment as A3 and for sure needed the six months I got because of unexpected complications, and I had a wonderful medical team the entire time (and an extremely healthy baby and pregnancy, just complicated birth that left physical consequences). I have friends who were fine and had great postpartum experiences as well and didn’t “need” four/five months either, but I’m sure they would have appreciated extra time with their babies who, for the most part, couldn’t sit or hold a bottle on their own yet and definitely still needed constant attention day and night (if 4-5 months).
I think watching couples take their parental / FMLA leave in pieces so they can go on vacations causes a level of resentment. I know a couple that stretched it through a year. They both travel periodically on business. They pulled their pre-teen out of school and went on multiple vacations. Just saying….
Yeah but once you’re a parent you realize you don’t actually get vacations anymore until your kids are older. Vacations with kids under 8 are truly not “vacations”. So while they may be traveling, I certainly wouldn’t be envious of them actually vacationing. There is literally zero down time when you’re a parent.
If they are saying it intentionally, then they're saying it because they're bitter and trying to make you feel crappy, so I'd play into it by not giving them the satisfaction, which will make them more upset. Talk about how wonderful it was to be able to have uninterrupted time with baby and not have the added pressure of work, how you had a wonderful bonding experience, how beautiful your baby is, etc. Keep your power.
Maternity leave is about healing from giving birth and taking care of your baby during those early weeks and months of its life. Childbirth is a still major, traumatic medical event, no different than if you had had surgery, despite how it is frequently treated by society.
I hate how certain elements of society have characterized childbirth as no big deal, and maternity leave as a vacation. I think it is part of how the US justifies not paying women for maternity leave, and for giving women so little time off.
I will just add that I don't have kids, and I understand that maternity leave is necessary. I also recall reading about a woman whose child was stillborn, and because maternity leave is characterized as bonding time, they expected her to be at work yhe next week, even though her doctor recommended six weeks to recover from the physical aspects of delivery.
“Wow I hope you wouldn’t say something like that to someone taking bereavement leave or recovering for a medical operation. Be grateful you’ve never had any challenges requiring you to take leave before”.
Pro
You can also tell them that the law doesn’t recognize FMLA as PTO and people with no kids are entitled to PTO which was previously referred to as vacation time, but we don’t have as a nation paid parental level. Therefore, their PTO is the actual vacation. 🎤💧(mic drop)
It may have just been a bad joke. She thought she was being funny and lighthearted and wasn’t. I like the idea of responding with a joke, something like another user said, “caring for a pooping machine.” If she’s childless not by choice, she may also be acutely feeling that and trying to deflect from her own sadness with that remark. Just like she should have compassion for you, have compassion for her struggle and try to elevate the conversation instead of shooting back with something equally dismissive.
Pro
I would just tell them to grow up. That’s about as much patience I believe a working mom with a newborn should be obligated to conjure up.