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I am so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I have not gone through this, but my cousin has. It was difficult for quite some time, but I can tell you that she is now thriving, and the happiest that I’ve ever seen her. It’s not gonna be easy, which I know you know that, but you can do it.
I have some personal experience with this - you aren't listed as available for chat, but please reach out if you need to talk to someone with experience.
There is a reason the people in the middle of the "storm" don't know there is a storm. When you're not looking for signs of your husband committing horrible acts...you will miss them. I'm not saying that is something anyone should have to worry about. It's normal for this kind of scenario. Please don't feel like you're alone in missing signs.
All my love to your daughter and you and the rest of the family as you try to navigate this horrible betrayal. There are a ton of emotions that happen in these situations. One a lot of people don't talk about is grief. You will be mourning the "loss" of your husband, the marriage, life as you thought you knew, and many, many more.
I don't know how long this has been happening but let me tell you a little about a friend of mine. My friend was SA'd her entire childhood. CPS could never nail down the family because they moved, A LOT. Often leaving in the middle of the night. My friends mom basically "offered" my friend as a "gift" to her husband. This lady was well aware of what was happening to her daughter in these moments. This couple ends up in a lot of trouble, in many states. They were eventually showcased on America's Most Wanted. Someone in a small town recognized them and called it in. This ended in him offing his wife and then himself. My friend was DEVASTATED to lose her parents. She loved them. Now, fast forward to my friend being married for the first time and having a daughter with her husband. A few years after baby was born, my friend "offered" her up to dad/husband. He flipped out. Thankfully. He had to tell my friend that what she did was wrong. She didn't understand because this was all she knew. She didn't know it was wrong. It had happened for as far back as she could remember. This is when she finally enters therapy. Therapy kicked her hard.
I tell you that story because you and other family (if you choose) need to be aware that this could have seriously altered the right and wrong moral compass your daughter has. Its just something to watch out for.
Again, I am so sorry this has happened. I pray you all are able to heal (as much as possible) over time as you work through this.
The dynamics of child sex abuse is more likely perpetrated by someone your child knows well. It’s very difficult dynamic for ppl to wrap their head around bc it’s multilayered and produces an immense amount of shame. Remember there is a ‘systems’ or family element to this dynamic.
I’m so sorry that you and your your daughter are going through this. This is far more prevalent than ppl realize.
I hope your daughter is in counseling with someone who specializes in trauma and child sex abuse. You certainly don’t want her to unknowingly give boys/men provocative signals due to the trauma she’s faced and open her up to repeated treatment. It would be wise for you to seek therapy as well so that you understand the dynamic as it pertains to your own situation. It will feel empowering as a woman and mother. Make sure you have someone who specializes in trauma and child sex abuse too.
Kudos to you for pursuing legal action and making sure this perp serves time.
I’ve worked with young women on the in patient psych unit at a local hospital hospital for 12 years before moving into education. Suicide attempts is not uncommon for young women who are mentally trapped living in shame. Dm me if you’d like, I’m very open to chatting and good luck! My prayers are with both of you 🙏🏼🫶