Looking for any encouragement or advice from other new moms who have dealt with PPA. I feel like this must be common in our profession. I have been fixating on bad things that could happen to my baby and I become so overcome with worry that I feel panicked and can’t sleep. Seeing a therapist isn’t possible, I work every waking hour that I am not with the baby. Any advice from moms that have been in a similar situation would be greatly appreciated.

I have been where you are. Doting on my sweet baby, not sleeping, working around the clock (came back from leave and did a month long trial!) and fraying at the edges. Our jobs leave very little space for self-care, but you have to carve it out because no one else will do it for you, and things often don’t get better on their own. I say this as someone who developed PPA, went back to work 7 months postpartum, and watched it spiral into a debilitating depression. Eventually, I had to take a 3-month medical leave just to sort myself out.

Nothing is more important than your mental and emotional health. Your baby needs that. You need that. Future you definitely needs that.

If you have decent insurance, consider looking into remote therapy services. Many are designed to be flexible for working parents. Your workplace might also have an Employee Assistance Program—mine had Spring Health, which was a great starting point. I started therapy feeling like I was drinking from a firehose and failing everywhere. My therapist helped me see how much I was drowning and referred me to a psychiatrist. The meds I went on weren’t forever, but they helped stabilize me when I needed it most. I wish I hadn’t waited 18 months after giving birth because I imagine I could have avoided a lot of suffering. The earlier you make time for your health the better. Treat it like you would a broken arm or leg. You wouldn’t say “I don’t have time to see a doctor get an X ray get a cast…” you would treat it like an emergency. Treat this the same way.

I am not saying you need meds many moms kick this on its own over time, but you do need support. Please don’t put yourself last. I did that, and as a Type-A perfectionist, I convinced myself I should be able to do it all. The truth hit hard: I was miserable and anxious over every bruise and scrape and every minute mistake at work, and that made everyone around me miserable too, especially my partner. I could never relax. Couples counseling was a wake-up call.

You’re not alone. Don’t wait until it gets worse. There is help—and you absolutely deserve it. Things will get better. This is not forever. Any young moms at work that you’re close to? It can be freeing to connect with people in a similar stage-when I reached out I found many moms were navigating that same sinking feeling. Made me feel less isolated. Good luck! Sending all my best wishes to you. You have got this mama!!!

I had this with my first so bad and also didn’t recognize it at the time. It took a full month for me to even leave the house. It got better with time and almost completely disappeared when I had my second. But I still check on my youngest (now 4) when he sleeps in to make sure he’s alive and always think he’s going to fall down the stairs or choke! But I don’t worry about my kids while I’m at work. After my second weaned, I started yaz for PMDD which has helped my anxiety. I can’t stand SSRIs but those help some people.

No advice here really—just chiming in to say that this is so common and good for you for recognizing. Now that I’m past the first year I recognize that I probably had PPA. But at the time I thought I was experiencing normal newborn/baby anxieties (and I was a second time mom who did not have PPA the first time).

For intrusive thoughts, I found the recognizing the thought really helpful. I did this exercise: “thank you, brain, for alerting me to the possibility of [whatever the intrusive thought was], but it is not helpful.”

I second the suggestion of tele-therapy!

Can you ask about temporarily scaling back hours at your firm? Many firms are flexible and maybe a temporary reduction will help rebalance, because one week or weekend of self care is not going to get you regulated. Regular sleep is really important to for your nervous system and for caring for yourself and your baby. You deserve rest and balance.

I had this big time but had no idea what caused it. Self care should be your top priority.

Lexapro.

I feel this!! My husband is a therapist (can’t recommend this enough in a partner lol) and when I was suffering with PPA but felt like I didn’t have enough time to add another thing into my day for therapy, he told me very gently that either I can make it a priority and help myself feel better, or I can ignore it let it get worse and worse - which it will. Every time. It’s not about waiting it out or pushing through. You need someone who can help you challenge the anxious thoughts so you can learn to let your mind be at rest. Mine is 2.5 now and I can tell you it DOES get better, but only if you put your health first!!

L1 said it best, but just reiterating: you really need support and that includes therapy. Many therapists work remote these days - mine went remote during covid and never went back. So when I have therapy, I just block it out on my calendar like I would any other call and jump on the zoom with her. In 3 years of seeing my therapist while in biglaw, I’ve only even had to cancel or reschedule a couple of times. Is any additional help with the baby possible, like even just an evening nanny a couple days a week? To give you a bit more breathing room. You didn’t mention a spouse or partner, but if you have one, this also not really tenable for maintaining that relationship. Please, do not back burner your own health.

So common - the good news is it gets better as baby gets older. I’d really carve out some time for therapy, your mental health is so important, and you may be able to do virtual sessions from home. My kiddo is 2 now and my PPA has gotten so much better.