Anyone else on big law get back from maternity leave and realize immediately that it’s not going to work? What did you do?

This was me. The first few months back were insanely busy, both at work and at home, and I cried almost every night. I was staffed on stuff right away and billed 300 hour months consecutively, which felt more painful to me because every hour working now meant another hour I wasn’t there with my baby. My team was verbally supportive when I said I was swamped but there was zero action or actual support day-to-day.

Coworkers genuinely forget / do not care about the fact that you went through this major life change, especially when things are busy. But the way people treat you during such vulnerable times of change definitely makes a lasting impression. I thought female partners who have kids would understand but they just told me to get more childcare at home like they did (I had a full time nanny in place but I was working so many fire drills on nights and weekends it still was not enough). I noticed that my requests for help from my bosses were not taken seriously — they would still give me new work and refuse to let me off matters to better manage my load. In my reviews for that period, my supervisors said I wasn’t handling the stress of the job very well, which I found infuriating and unfair — especially since I ended up being one of the highest billers on my team during those months.

Those few months back were very disappointing and lonely, but ultimately it made it much easier for me to emotionally detach from the situation and realize that I needed to look out for me and my family first and foremost. I’d realized that a huge part of why it was so tough for me was this desire to please people and show everyone that I was just as “good” as i was at this job before I became a mom… but I’ve learned to let that go. I am still a good lawyer but I have a wider set of priorities now. Plenty of women go onto have successful careers after babies, but there are seasons for everything and I’ve been better at accepting that this is a season in which I value having a balance and slowing down a bit to enjoy my baby. They really grow up too quickly.

With all that said, I have since decided big law is not for me. Deciding to care less has made it easier to say no to assignments and do a lot less. I have been more assertive about taking time off and letting people know I won’t have regular Internet access. I hired a coach to figure out the values I want for my next opportunity. I have since started looking for other opportunities outside of my firm, while also going down to reduced pace and getting a fully remote accommodation from HR. I also let HR know about my concerns with my ramp-up back from leave, just in case I needed a paper trail down the road.

Do what you need to do to protect yourself first — pregnancy and new parent discrimination is real in this profession, even among women, so the more you loop in HR the better protected you will be — and then decide what would work best for your growing family. The rest is just noise.

I definitely felt like that at first but found a rhythm over the next few months that worked for my family. I would say give it at least a few months before making any big decisions (but no harm in looking for other options in the meantime either). And consider whether going on a reduced schedule at your current firm may work.

Call your practice group chair and ask them how part-time they are willing to let you go. That’s what I did, and I’m now seven years out, and it’s been pretty good.


Also, outsource every little thing. I mean, laundry, biweekly housekeeping, healthy prepared food. Do absolutely nothing that is not your job and being with your baby (and some time for you).

It took me three years and an intermediate move to a smaller firm, but I am no longer practicing. I was sacrificing so much time with my family and I could not keep my head above water when it came to running my house, despite outsourcing laundry, cleaning, cooking, and a lot of childcare. I realized I just wanted to be more involved in running those day to day. I could not have anticipated this before having kids.

Depending on your practice area, you can look for in house or judicial staff positions which can be less demanding. Non profit work is also less demanding and so are JD adjacent positions. I think an important first step is looking at your family’s financial picture to figure out what expenses you can reduce and how you will make a smaller salary work.

F

F

Returning in a couple of weeks and so anxious about this! Following

Folllowinc

F