Hi! Does anyone feel underappreciated by their direct reports? I provide them with so much support, training, and growth opportunities and feel it is never acknowledged nor appreciated. Just an air of entitlement and 'give me more.' If you can relate, how do you go about this/handle this?

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I think if you feel this way you are probably not doing as great a job at supporting them as you think. Instead of deciding they are entitled, maybe seek to understand what they feel is the gap in what you are providing vs what they need.

likehelpful

Leader rookie mistake #1 - assume that what you give someone is what they themselves need or want.
Leader rookie mistake #2 - giving others what you wish you had satisfies you but not them

like

I dunno. You’re in a giving role. Your support is part of the job. What are you expecting your reports to do other than thank you for your time? Not sure what the overall culture is like at your office, but I’m skeptical of my bosses and “mentors” because business is business and they’d turn me out in a heartbeat if I fucked up, pissed off the wrong person, or said the wrong thing. It probably makes me appear less grateful than I am.

likehelpful

I don't necessarily feel unappreciated, but more like they truly just don't understand how much I do for them behind the scenes, so they sometimes ask for unreasonable things without knowing it. Could it be the same for yours? I think it's fine to tell them when you can't do things and helpful to explain when you are going above and beyond so they understand more.

like

And also, there's a reason you're in your position. You've grown to a level of understanding of what's realistic and how to get there at they don't have. They may get there one day, but expecting them to know what you know or understand what's reasonable may not be realistic for where they currently are. You sharing that is part of your investment in them.

like

i would suggest an idea as a brainstorming: is there any possibility that you are "projecting" your own feelings about yourself on them?

helpful

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