How much does your spouse/partner help? Bonus points if you have kids

We both work full-time and have 4 kids. We are in the range of 60-40. About two years ago, we read the book Fair Play and did the cards. It was a total game changer for our relationship and the modeling of household responsibilities we want to expose our kids to. He is heavily involved in all aspects of the household and child rearing. Because he has more ownership over things, he shares some of the mental load too. It is far from perfect, but it is vastly better than most.

I’m in house and my husband works on and off (pilot). So when he’s home, he’s 100% home and does it all, but when he’s gone, I’m on my own. He also makes more than me and spends a lot more time with our kids. But neither of us cooks right now lol We outsource meal prepping for both us and our kids. We’re both millennials.

That said, we live in the south and it seems like split between helpful partners and unhelpful ones. I’ll never understand how so many women manage their household AND work loads (and often an immature partner) and don’t go crazy, because I would be absolutely losing it. I’m so so impressed.

A ton but he works 20 hours a week. He’s a PT SAHD. He spent 45 minutes today de-veining and cooking shrimp cocktail for my book club tonight. I couldn’t have done it without him.

He might do an even amount but bitches about it and guilt trips me for doing more sometimes even though my job requires more hours and pays for our lifestyle. So I’m leaving him soon.

He is a SAHD and does all the chauffeuring for the kids, all the house, yard and vehicle maintenance, coordinates the housekeeper and other home maintenance appointments, groceries, dishes, Amazon returns, laundry, pays the bills and deals with the mail, all the pet care and vet appointments. I make 99.5% of the money, do all the financial planning, and things that require high executive functioning. We share cooking (I love to cook) and I do most meal planning because I’m much better at it. I do all trip planning because I enjoy it and am good at it. I do most of the gift shopping and other things that “make a house a home.”

A lot, but his job is much less demanding. He handles most of the physical chores that we don’t outsource, like dishes and laundry. We have 2 kids and he can fully care for them (although sometimes that means cereal for lunch lol).

Not at all. It’s the curse of being part of Gen X. The kids are mine, not his, to the extent that matters.

My husband does more than I do and I work more/make more money than him. Of course society still expects me to be the default parent.

My husband is self-employed and pulled way back on work after kids were born. I make 85% of our income. He is the default parent and does shopping and cooking and is PTO president, so the school knows to contact him first with kid issues. We outsource cleaning. He’s Gen X, I’m a Xennial.

We’re pretty 50-50 I think. He’s a teacher and works longer hours than I do during the school year, so I take care of most of the household chores during the school year, but he does all the cooking all year. In the summer, he takes over most of the household chores. Parenting is pretty equal too, I take our kiddo out for a few hours on Saturday so he can have some me time, and he takes her out for a few hours on Sunday. We alternate who does bedtime.

I don’t really think of it as “help,” but he does a lot.

I’m on maternity leave with a 4 month old who I watch during work hours; we otherwise evenly split childcare (I pump and he does more night wakeups) and he does more than I do around the house (all dishes and cooking, most of the laundry since the beginning of my pregnancy, cleaning pump parts, and freezing and storing milk). I handle the finances and a lot of the household planning/shopping. I do some light cleaning but mostly rely on house cleaners.

He makes about twice as much as I do and has a 1900 billable hour requirement.

A lot. He is also successful and has a high paying job, but his schedule isn’t as demanding as mine — so he often does more than me to be honest. But we are also happy and willing to outsource things like cleaning the house—why not if we have the money and it gives us our time back?

We also just had a child and he’s been great — doing most of the diaper changes, taking the graveyard shift, playing with the baby, etc. It had really helped me recover faster, get more sleep, etc.

Overall, my husband is an asset and a joy in my life. We dated for a few years and lived together for a few years, so I had a very good idea of who he was as a person and knew what to expect. So when we married, nothing was a surprise.

I encourage women who don’t feel supported to ask and expect more from their relationships. I don’t see the point of being with someone if that person doesn’t make your life happier and easier—that’s what relationships are supposed to do.

House spouse now SAHD so he handled everything domestic like cooking, dishes, laundry, yard work, cleaning. We used to do more together like meal planning but now we split more things like laundry (he usually washes and I usually fold) bc he does all the day to day for our 5 month old except I nurse/pump. We do finances together and some things we approach like co-managers and he executes.

I've had to learn to be more gracious / clear with my timing of when I would like certain things done when things seems to pile up for him. He's better at doing the thing now rather than doing things on a predictable schedule.

We split planned tasks very evenly, but unexpected weekday items fall to me since my job is much more flexible (Ex. Emergency vet appointments, being home for a plumber, etc) We don’t have kids though, so those “unexpected” items are pretty rare.