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Your feelings are valid. Cheating is never okay. My first long term relationship didn’t see a future with me because Jesus wanted her future husband to be the head of her household. Social pressures are incredibly strong. It doesn’t excuse misleading behavior and harming others, but I understand why someone might choose that life if they had the ability. Just wish they would stop using people in the process.
Agreed, that’s the worst part. I felt more used than anything. Even though the feelings were real, it just was a “sacrifice” to appease the heteronormative gods that rule our lives. Sorry if the metaphor comes across as childish and infantile, but there it is.
It’s not your fault if the other person needs therapy. He could have made a family if you or other male partner. He didn’t want a family. He wanted a certain type of family to fit a certain social role. It was more about who he thinks he needs to be in our society than about who he loves.
Yes but the reasons why it happened were more hurtful to me. This was a betrayal on a deep, emotional level. Just to make other people in their life happy.
This happened to me, dated a guy for 3 years (bi) not a single fight because we got along in every aspect and all of our friends thought we were gonna get married. Then he started hanging out with a new group of friends who basically encouraged him to cheat with a girl to fit the basic nuclear family. Tbh he also had a slew of other mental health issues going on but 🤷♂️. I was studying for the gre for business school and didn’t know this was going on until a mutual friend told me he saw my ex kissing a girl. Funny thing is after we broke up the girl didn’t even want to date him and was pursuing short term pleasure but I’m still completely scarred and that after though it happened a year ago. I also don’t know how to move on but I hear you and see you and know it’s not easy. But what we can do is try our best to heal and progress forward. I bought a house and just got into a dream business school during the year after we broke up (still don’t know how I did this while hurting so incredibly badly) but focus on yourself and the right guy will come along :))
I’m sorry that happened to you but sounds as if something else was going on. He lost in the end and you’re more successful without him.
I have met and heard stories from other guys in the same boat. Happily committed, partner later admitted they wanted to be with a woman because they wanted a traditional life and family, and left them. I feel like this happens to us and it’s not ever heard or addressed. We are used and discarded when they think they’ve got a chance in the heteronormative game. We are seemingly lesser objects, the internalized homophobia is too real.
That’s always a high risk with bi guys, they prefer conformity when pressed to choose, so beware.
Is the only reason he couldn’t see a future with you because you are a man or were there other factors in your relationship that he wasn’t comfortable with long term? Not asking to invalidate your pain at all because you have every right to feel hurt by what he did to you. I do feel like maybe he started reflecting on the relationship and realized the life you two had was not the life he wanted long term. I started having thoughts like that in my relationship around 4 years in and it was a gut punch. I reflected on what I wanted in the future and communicated with my partner the things I felt were lacking in our dynamic but for a while I struggled to feel like I could talk to him about it. In your case, he should have communicated with you instead of betraying you and now you’re stuck feeling all of the pain of it.
OP, you’re right in saying it’s betrayal because it is. I wasn’t even able to vocalize those words for a different situation until I had a therapist I worked with to help me through a very tough situation.
Are you talking to a professional?
I am, and have been for years. I’m sorry for your hardship as well. It’s not an easy thing.