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You’re clearly projecting your expectations on your friends and then expect them to care about what you specifically prioritise.
OP — I think maybe it’s a case of “you don’t have wrong expectations you’re just asking the wrong people”.
It’s not their job to cater to what will make you happy if they’re already happy with what their doing
I understand the frustration of feeling like you’re putting more effort compared to your friends all the time, but are you certain your friends are able to swing expensive food or parties at this moment?
It’s a tough year financially for a lot, where even those who make very good incomes are feeling the effects of inflation. And with the holidays, your friend might be budgeting for other things (like gift buying for her family) while also wanting to make memories with her friends by hosting a party.
Also, are your friends as concerned about a luxury vibe as you are? I know for me, my closest friends who live near me are not at all into fashion and luxury and prefer things to be low key. And as you could guess by me being in this group bowl to begin with, I’m into luxury things and love a good fancy meal and drinks. But if my friends are nice enough to host something in the first place, I wouldn’t expect them to switch their whole vibe up just because of me.
Just keep in mind that the most valuable luxuries are the people you share your life with and not the material details of it all. Whether you’re eating box pasta or sweet potatoes, you’re spending time with someone who cares enough about you to open their home up to you!
That all said, if your friends can swing it and they care about the vibes the same way you do, I do feel your frustration, especially when it becomes an expectation that you go all out for them when they don’t do the same in return for you.
I did too. It helped me learn how to host. It’s helping me understand some of the complaints I’ve seen online about people. Like, I just assumed everyone was like me because I don’t think I’m doing a lot. But, you don’t even vacuum before people come over? Wipe down the table? Light a candle? Nothing?
Sounds like a you problem. Sorry, but you either have to accept that this is the way it is, or find new friends.
Definitely a me problem as in I’m getting the short end of the stick. But, I do think I’ll stop allowing low effort people at my high effort functions. They don’t deserve it. But, we can do low effort things together like going for walks or target runs.
For instance, one of my friends said she wanted to host a Christmas party, and she was going to make pasta for it, but asked us what we wanted. I was a little annoyed that she was putting such little effort into an event that she wanted to host, but suggested that she make things like sweet potatoes instead of pasta and a broccoli, salad, and lots of other holiday things. She literally rejected every single one. 2 of the guests are bringing baked goods from scratch and I’m making holiday cocktails in cute glasses I bought. I’m just so annoyed that it feels like if I don’t plan, execute, and pay for everything, then it’s going to be a low quality experience. it doesn’t seem fair that I always put on high-quality and high effort events for everyone and my friends don’t.
I would be pretty disappointed if I had to eat broccoli instead of pasta. I’m European and I don’t understand why broccoli and sweet potatoes considered holiday dishes, can you explain? Also, it’s pretty easy to screw up broccoli, so I wouldn’t trust inexperienced cooks with them.
What kind of pasta is she making?
If I host and serve pasta, I make pasta myself from scratch and cook it Vongole or Calamarata style, and maybe Amatriciana for those who don’t like seafood.
You know, my other comments aside I am a problem too. I just accept the fact that I like to host, and other don’t. Also, I am a great cook, cause I spent a lot of time taking classes and practicing, and others are not.
So, I made an agreement with everyone that most of the time I am hosting, but they follow my lead and do what I tell them - buy wine I ask to buy, bring pastries from shops I recommended, bring flowers when I ask for them, help with the dishes after the event. And I make someone else responsible for the entertainment part.
Everyone likes this arrangement, cause people can enjoy the party and feel that they contributed so they don’t have to scratch their head on how to reciprocate.