How should I address a friend gossiping about me out of fake concern?

On a girls’ trip over the 4th, she made comments about my eating and how I tracked my food (need to track potassium due to spiro). I did opt for healthier things since we ate out every meal but still averaged 1500 cal which is ok for my height (5’2”)??? But she’s suggesting to people I have an ED since I like to work out too

She’s gained a lot of weight in the past year so I feel like she’s projecting but it’s pissing me off

Are you asking how you might of have addressed in the moment or has she continued on this path and is actually gossiping to others about how you eat after the fact? Are people coming up to you and telling you this? My initial reaction is why do you care what she says? If it bugs you that much
1. Tell her you appreciate her concern, but you’re fine.
2. Next level up is being a bit rude back —- but do you really want to go there?
a. Light touch - tracking what you eat really helps you maintain a healthy weight for your height while getting all the nutrients your body requires. I would be glad to help you with it if you like?
Or,
B. More snarky- frankly if I were you, I’d be more concerned with my own eating habits. I’m concerned you’re on the road to prediabetes
C. Super snarky - oh please, cut the fake concern. You’re just jealous you don’t have the self discipline to maintain the look you want through healthy eating and exercise.

However, assuming you want to maintain that friendship, snarky is probably not the way to go. In general people gossip because it makes them feel superior. It helps them ignore their failings. They are trying to fill a hole in their heart, but it never works. There is also a chance she is truly concerned. May have had a sister or cousin with ED so is more aware. My suggestion is give her some grace. If it continues, take her aside and specifically ask her to quit talking about you.

People who are taller have no clue what it normal for 5’2. I remember a friend going on a crash diet and telling me she was eating just 1400 cal a day and how hard that was. I said you know that maintenance for someone my size.

Number one do not mention the other friend. I also would just stop talking about anything food/wellness related. I get it I’ve had this happen even when I was bigger too ( ironically I was more obsessed with food) I’m also on a GLP and I never discuss it ( I won’t lie to anyone that directly ask but interestingly enough nobody never directly asks lmao 😜)

I think the best thing is to literally talk to her directly and see why she feels like you’re being obsessive. Try not to be defensive but even directly letting people know can make them uncomfortable and realize that if they truely had a concern they would come to your directly. And let her know that in the future if there are concerns she needs to talk to you directly. Lastly to the other commenters point she genuinely could be concerned I’ve had people in my life I suscpeted of having a disordered eating and obsessive exercise habits and years later they def posted something about having one - it’s a hard line.

I think you are overlooking something here. The label of friend. Stop calling her your friend. She is not your friend. Friends don't say and do the things you described. Enemies do. And she was likely always jealous of you, but you are just now seeing it. Or maybe you have but overlooked it. Friends are happy for each other, build each other up, support each other, and yes check or correct each other in love. Your Enemies tear down back bite sabotage etc. Once you put this person in the right category it should be easy to address. Just be ready for the fall out with her and others who make excuses. Boundaries often surface true intentions and character. It may be time for new friends. Good luck!

In my experience putting these convos in the context of medical advice from your doctor gets people to stop being so emotionally charged about diet conversations. I had to overhaul my diet for a medical reason and people were weird and judgy about it until I explained “my doctor told me”. I hate how convos around weight loss and diet are so emotionally charged within women friend groups. So you need to circumvent that to put it in a medical lens. If it comes up again - “this is between me and my doctor and I’d appreciate you not getting involved in my private medical business”

That said, if you’re counting calories you should make sure you’re not being obnoxious about it either. Like no giving waiters a hard time at restaurants or aggressive photographing of the food/menu. It makes others uncomfortable which could contribute to the rude comments.

I advise you to take a step back and be honest with yourself.

Most people on spiro are not instructed by doctors to actually track their potassium. So be honest with yourself about why you are really tracking everything.

Tracking all food intake (and, maybe more importantly, making it known to your friends that you’re doing so) is something many people will feel attacked by/they’ll assume you’re judging them for not doing it.

Your use of the word “healthier” here is also a flag to me that you haven’t been therapized yet about how to think and talk about food and health in a way that’s sustainable, sufficiently nuanced, and enables you to have balance in your life.

If you are truly an active person but can only have 1500 calories you might want to consider reverse dieting/rebuilding your metabolism. There are manyyyy people more petite than you are who are able to get their metabolism higher than that. To do this and actually calculate your macros/micros, I recommend working with a dietician rather than using what you find online or what your Apple Watch tells you.

Our other friend is aggressively dieting and barely ate anything but she is bigger so she is somehow off the hook? I’m really upset about it because yes I am thin but I have always been thin and regularly active.