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In case anyone was wondering, I did follow up quickly with him in a 1:1. We kept it light and I mentioned how I hope our future interactions can improve. He admitted that he felt stuck in the ways of working of an old team but realized that it wasn’t very effective especially after he heard the feedback on the deck from our group head. He realized that I was only trying to help him with my deck review and that it wasn’t very effective to hold everything back by being stuck to his ideas that wouldn’t work. Other teammates had their work done correctly sooner, and he wanted to get on that train. He acknowledged how much I answered his questions on the fly and always made time for him. I didn’t want to bring up anything related to how he only outwards counters me, and I felt like this was good enough for now.
I agree, it was helpful that I allowed him to “fail” meaning I didn’t stand in the way of his opinions or force him to change. When he presented his deck to our group head, he received very similar feedback but delivered in a more dismissive way. He didn’t push back or even speak, he was so red faced. What made it worse was that the group head immediately moved on to other people’s decks, and they all got better feedback.
I only wish he didn’t need another man to validate my feedback. I got to where I am because of my expertise. But it’s ok, we all make mistakes.
No, definitely not discipline. That’s extreme. I meant how should I talk about this with him? I agree, I want this to be a teaching moment.
He got to share his opinions first but this is a situation where there is a right and wrong. Of course if he was right, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation, but the problem is he was wrong and couldn’t admit it. Then he changed information to support his point but even then, it wasn’t congruent with his solution. We work in a technical field that’s male dominated. I’m the only woman leading a team of 15+ males. He’s very self assured and has trouble letting go of his ideas, while also still relying on me for many basic questions. I sense there’s some insubordination. He’s been shot down much harsher by other males in leadership positions which he never challenges, but when it comes to me, I can tell he is trying to be right even when he isn’t. I don’t have this problem with others on the team - I wouldn’t call it a problem yet actually - but we work in a very collaborative environment and that means detaching yourself from your ideas if you’re flat wrong. My other concern is communication and managing expectations. It’s fine to disagree and ask for a chance to bring a different pov - but that’s not what he did. He said he would have the changes when we regrouped but he didn’t nor did he advise me of the change.
What if your direct report had come back today and shown you data that made clear you were incorrect?
Don't we want to encourage an environment where people feel safe sharing a difference of opinion? It's not like you regrouped, and they just spouted off an opinion; they made a good faith effort to support their ideas.
You're asking whether you should address it, and it makes me think you're asking if there should be some sort of discipline. If anything, it sounds like a teaching moment where you can help this person understand where their assumptions went off track.