I’m 8 weeks pregnant via IVF and have a 3-year-old son. My husband has been unemployed for almost 10 months, so I am the primary breadwinner. Our marriage has been unstable, with emotional and some physical abuse related to his drinking. After learning I was pregnant, I retained a lawyer and believed I could manage this on my own.

However, my pregnancy symptoms have been severe. I recently required ER treatment for IV fluids, I can’t keep food or liquids down, and I’ve lost 7 pounds. (Contd)

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Are you able to get short term disability to take some time off until you feel better? I know it’s an option in some states. I’m so sorry you are going through this. IVF is so difficult and having a successful pregnancy is so precious after all that work it would be a shame to end it. Hope you can find the help and support to work through it. Hugs.

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Same in California

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I already have a low BMI of 17. I’ve had to miss work because I’m too sick and mentally foggy to function.

I feel overwhelmed and unsupported and don’t know if I can continue like this without a support system. I’m struggling with whether I can physically, emotionally, and professionally manage this pregnancy. I’m scared I’d regret ending it, but I also don’t know how I can carry on as a working mother in my current state.

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are you wanting to vent or asking for advice?

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Both. Would love to hear if others have been in similar situation and how it turned out. I’m a little lost at the moment and have decision paralysis

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What is your healthcare provider saying about your symptoms? Pregnancy can be hard even without severe symptoms and then you will be bringing another child into toxic environment. Take some time off ASAP and find someone to talk to immediately. They have pregnancy support groups for women in less than ideal situations.
My heart goes out to you and I'm definitely praying because you will have some difficult decisions. But you don't have to be completely alone in them

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I agree but what's done is done. We can't change the past but we can move forward in a healthier way. Please switch doctors if possible. That was incredibly dismissive as a response. Are you able to remove him or yourself from your current environment? Are your friends able to help you?

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Do you have any family nearby who can help? :( sending you strength and positivity 🤲🏻

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My dad lives with us/ he’s 82–but he can’t drive except for the grocery store and back. He’s helpful as in another set of eyes but if anything I take care of him

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8-10 weeks was the worst for nausea in my IVF pregnancy. By 12 weeks I was physically a lot better. Since it’s the holidays if you can take some extended vacation through New Years and the week after you might come out on the other side feeling a bit better and ready to do what you need to do.

The emotional and physical abuse is completely not ok. I imagine being unemployed is exacerbating the situation. I feel like an idle man is never a good thing. If I were triaging this situation I would push him to get work, any work, even to just get him out of the house and set him up on better financial footing if you end up asking for a separation. Is he even pulling his weight around the house and with your other child?

I’m sorry you’re going through this. You’re taking care of a parent, a toddler, an unborn child and a grown man and it’s a lot. You are in a vulnerable state and you deserve to be taken care of too.

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I finally got him to start Lyfting. He’s been doing that for 2 weeks. I do drop off for school and he does pick up, then my son naps (still, thank God) so IMO he is helping but I would say he’s doing bare minimum child care and I’m still the default parent. He also doesn’t pull more than 6 hrs a day, and he has the time. Alllll of my friends have asked “what the hell has he been doing this whole time” and honestly, I don’t know. I do know he’s had at least one emotional relationship/DM-ing situation on fishbowl… but as far as I can see he’s not doing what he could be doing.

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Are you safe, OP? What does your attorney think of the likelihood that you’ll share custody or pay alimony? Does your dad have money?

Shouldn’t have to pay alimony and should have full custody in the beginning given a couple documented incidents we have. I’m feeling safer now, mainly bc my husband is aware I’m on the fence and is on his best behavior. He doesn’t know I’ve retained an attorney yet though. My dad does have some money but I’m prettt independent and would only ask if absolutely necessary. If having a second kid means I have to borrow money from him then it’s not the right decision. I’m mainly worried about being able to keep afloat at my job through all of this and a pregnancy. Esp since I can’t even work atm

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This absolutely sucks. I’m so sorry you‘re going through this.

Re: your pregnancy, while it’s hard to think about the next year or so, I’d try to also think about how you see your life (with or without your husband) in 10, 15, or 20 years from now before deciding to terminate or push through.

Either way, I’m sure you’ll make the decision that’s best for you and your child.

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