My H is a dedicated dad who runs the domestic side of our household (cooking/laundry/homework). I out earn him 2 to 1 and my schedule is (as a result) a lot more unpredictable. I’m super appreciative of him and recognize that he makes my life infinitely easier. BUT. Lately he’s been taking a cannabis gummy just before our kids bedtime as a way to wind down. Since I’m often coming in just before bedtime, this means that by the time we get any alone time he’s impaired. I’m not anti weed (cont)

How impaired? Honestly, if he was just relaxed and mellow, I would consider that to be a good thing?

I’m pretty against drug/alcohol use around my kids and honestly around me too. I have a very low threshold and my husband is aware of it and respects it, and honestly I get very annoyed when he gets drunk around me (he’s welcome to do it with his friends when me and kids aren’t around). I’d be very very angry if my husband was getting high or having a couple drinks every night.

But I do want to echo that the issue here seems to be his need for the gummy vs the actual gummy and being high. He seems to be overworked/burnt out and you guys need to talk about it, so you can find a happy medium like getting part time help or diving the workload. Household responsibilities on top of a full time job is HARD for anyone. If you can split it or get some help (maybe getting meals prepped/delivered, outsourcing cleaning and laundry, or straight up a family assistant for a couple hours a day), I would try that.
And since he reacted badly, I would start the conversation with “hey, I’ve been seeing and thinking about how much pressure and workload you’ve been dealing with. Can we talk about it?” and then start brainstorming areas where you can alleviate some of it.
If he’s still taking them after establishing help, I would bring that up specifically and say it bothers you and why.

It’s not sustainable for either for you to continue like this. You’ll be resentful that he’s high and you can’t spend time with all of your husband, and he’ll be resentful that he’s overworked and you don’t seem to understand this is how he’s coping.

Girl your husband is damn near a single working father and you’re complaining about a little cannabis use?! Let that man be.

Does it give him whiskey deck? Struggling to understand how a gummie would interfere with his ability to be present and participate in quality time.

Wow. A lot of responses here. I appreciate everyone’s perspective. To provide some more context, he takes a pretty potent gummy just before bedtime and it’s “kicked in” by the time the kids are down. I would not describe this as a mellow high that I can’t notice. His response times are slow and it’s obvious to me that he is high. Someone said it best that I’m not getting him in his fully present state and that’s sad and frustrating. I realize I made it sound like I’m not home for the evening routine most nights but in reality I am more often than not. It’s probably 2 nights a week that I’m coming in on 2 wheels just in time for tuck ins. The other nights I’m doing pickup and dinner etc in tandem with my spouse. But as those of you with kids know, there’s 0 connection time with your spouse in those moments.
I do think the comments about burn out and division of labor are fair. There’s a lot I manage behind the scenes (finances, etc) but I can recognize that day to day labor of a household is draining. I think I need to set some time to have an open conversation about my feelings and see if it’s better received.