Need some advice navigating relationships with the in-laws. For some context, my partner and I live in a different state. We always make the effort to see them at least a few times a year (including holidays) over extended periods of time. My parents, on the other hand, live in a different country so we only see them once a year. I’m planning an international trip with my parents later this year and asked if my partner wanted to join. He said yes and he mentioned it to his mom recently. (Cont.)

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You shouldn't feel bad. You make a great effort to see your in-laws already, honestly way more than most people would if their in-laws lived out of state.

You should absolutely feel excited to get to share this international trip with your parents, who live in another country and you don't get to see as often.

The most important thing is that you and your husband support each other and choose how to navigate outside relationships together (including both your parents). It's probably best if you let your husband handle it, but make sure you are aligned. Life is too short to have to worry about pleasing everyone else. Your in-laws should already feel blessed to see you as often as they do. You definitely don't need to plan any extra trips with your in-laws.

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I wouldn’t waste any time thinking about your MIL you see all the time. Focus on this upcoming trip and have the best time!!

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My in laws also expect way way more of my spouse and I than they expect us to give to my family. They expect a lot of contact from all of us - FaceTime, out of state visits, texts, letters. Every holiday expects us to FaceTime. They send pressuring messages about why we dont talk to them more. Because they demand it, they get more time. It’s not fair. When they visit it’s very smothering. They stay at our place and have no plans other than being at home.

My parents give no pressure. They are very cool. I adore them. I call them a lot but my husband does not and thats fine. When my parents visit, they stay in a hotel and we get together for an activity or meals the next day. Oddly every time we visit mine or they visit us, my spouses parents have to pipe in that they miss us, are thinking of us, etc. It’s nice to have living in laws but they get way more contact and expect more contact with them and less contact with mine. Even the few visits or vacations with my parents must include my spouse’s parents somehow.

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Are you like husband and wife? If not, then why worry so much. Prioritize your own parents

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We’re married

(Cont.) I found out from my partner that my MIL seemed sad when he told her he was going to travel with my family. Apparently she’s been wanting us to join on their trips but she thought that we’re busy. I’m confused as how to approach this situation because we’ve traveled internationally with my in-laws before and we see them much more often that my parents. I feel like my MIL’s comment was said in a passive aggressive way. I don’t think she would have an issue if my partner and I will be traveling abroad just us two. I don’t want to put my partner in an uncomfortable situation but I feel like we have always prioritized relationships with my in-laws because they live much closer.

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