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Hoarders suffer from mental disorders. He needs therapy.
Does he have ADHD? Because not seeing the mess is a symptom of ADHD. I have this issue too. Strattera made me better at seeing the mess but not great at keeping organized. There’s a lot of ADHD hacks that might work for him/you to use on him.
Yep sitting in my home office surrounded by random stacks of things. Not a hoarder, just start and stop projects and then the stacks become white noise lol. 🫣
This sounds to me like something deeper is going on. I’d recommend therapy for him and see if there’s not a neurodivergence issue causing his resistance?
Mine is on the spectrum and his neurospicy manifests as discomfort with changes to his environment - our walls are bare because he is so resistant to me decorating at all, and prefers to live in an empty home. We’ve only recently gotten some answers, so we’re still working through changes to both of our behaviors, but we’re making progress.
If he doesn’t clean then he can’t complain when you try to organize! I would tell him to keep his opinions to himself unless he’s the one doing the picking up. And yes I buy stuff around the house freely but we have similar tastes so not really an issue (and we check in for huge things obviously, like a new couch or coffee table)
I sympathize. I am a clean freak - a disorderly space makes me super uncomfortable and I cannot relax until it’s neat and clean. My husband does not care nearly as much as I do and left to his own devices, would live with a lot more chaos. Our solution is that the shared spaces are neat and clean but his office is his to do with what he wants. He understands how important it is to my sense of well-being and is willing to do it for me. Also I do almost all the cleaning. Food is more important to him, so he does almost all the cooking. For us, bending for the other in that way is a sign of mutual care-taking and respect.
I think the key here is your ability to listen to each other to figure out what is happening and make the situation acceptable and better for you both. Well done
I’d insist on therapy and couples counseling and would hire a professional organizer telling him he has 60 days to select and put away the things he cares about and if he doesn’t you will be bring a professional organizer from the family’s budget and dumpsters to take things away. I’d have one come in and give quotes to let him know I was serious. They can put in organizational systems that work
Housekeeper?