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Hi Fisher, still Ericsson offering WHF?
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I think that no matter who you talk to, you’ll eventually notice that everyone has their own ‘issues.’ In the same way, she may see things in you that you’re not fully aware of. The real question is whether those issues are significant enough that they could interfere with building a healthy relationship. So the advice is to not get hung up on small things but big repeatable patterns you see will be a red flag.
I have ADHD and my husband of 15 years has to deal with challenges just like I had to deal with many many of his including his snoring which should have been a reason for divorce.... Stuff which drive my husband crazy are challenge 1: me forgetting stuff, solution: sticky notes on my task area; challenge 2: me being geographically directionally clueless and can get lost in a jiffy solution: he tracks me when I am traveling(specially internationally as I travel a lot for work) etc etc point being, ADHD is very common and it's actually a super power! Our son also has ADHD (aged 4 and diagnosis pending but every symptoms is confirming) so at times my husband has to play the peace maker because my son and I are way too similar to keep peace at times! Overall, I won't change a thing and so won't my husband. We learn to adapt and figure out solutions... that's marriage! And no, ours wasn't an arrange marriage. We knew each other since we were 2 and 6 respectively so we both walked in to the marriage with our eyes open
Rising Star
More power to you, D1.
I won’t put too much thought into your son being dx’d for ADHD at 4year old. Boys develop slower than girls mentally & emotionally and most benchmarks include both the sexes. Hence the higher dx of ADHD in boys. Also, geographical spatial awareness isn’t related to ADHD. Women generally do poor on that aspect. (Cavemen theory - men as hunters vs women as gatherers).
Rising Star
Get her to see a therapist, maybe (but also recognize the difficulty in getting someone to take feedback especially at this stage of the relationship). I am like her but I got help. I think consulting gave me structure too. It helped that people around me thought of me as a high performer and gave me coaching and opportunities. I run on calendars, lists and my wife keeps me on track for the rest.
Rising Star
The old me would have said your post has a typo. But the new me would move on without pointing it out.
Pro
what are the pros?
Rising Star
She seems amazing to me
If you are seeing any issues at this time (honeymoon period/butterflies time) then run. You will think about nothing but these issues ten years later
Conversation Starter
You maybe right. The communication has slowed down since I posted this, saying that she is busy with work.
We have been discussing about meeting in person from last 2 weeks but she hasn’t been able to confirm the time/location.
Her father had a call with my dad and mentioned her workload.
I guess it’s just the case of wrong priorities/expectations/communication. As a 30 something person, you are expected to read the room. I am someone who values reciprocity and this has been an emotionally draining experience.