Had one of those work moments today. Another group lead blamed my boss and me for not looping his team in on an issue. Truth is I kept his team updated the whole time. She shrugged it off with, “oh, I wasn’t kept in the details,” which felt like such a cop-out. I left the call frustrated, kicking myself for not being more direct. He had no problem standing his ground by throwing others under the bus, but that’s not how I want to operate. How do you stay firm without slipping into blame-shifting?

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You did right on the call. The question now: is this a hill you want to defend? In many instances, you are going to be running into this and juggling relationships like this at many levels. Some scenarios are like juggling glass balls, other scenarios are like rubber balls that bounce.

Your boss’ response might be a telling you something. She knows that some people make a mountain out of a molehill. This would be a good scenario to bring up in a 1-1 conversation with your boss. To see her perspective and why she chose to respond that way.

If it is something to defend, then respond back to the meeting minute email with receipts (date, times, message, his team’s contacts) I use emails. Something to the tune of “Here is a potion of the updates that I have shared with your team. If these individuals are not the correct folks to update, please tell me who to add to future conversations”

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Thanks, that makes a lot of sense. I like the idea of treating some scenarios like “rubber balls” and saving energy for the ones worth defending. I’ll definitely bring this up in my next 1:1 with my boss to get her perspective on the situation. Thank you!

I think you did it the right way. Staying firm by stating the facts and not throwing in their face that they are wrong. If this happens too many times, I would report it because they might be talking badly about your team to your supervisors.

Thanks, I really appreciate that. You’re right, better to stick to facts and keep it professional. If it keeps happening, I’ll definitely consider escalating.

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