How do you focus after breakup? I thought I’d marry this person. It’s been 6 weeks. I was very high functioning I guess for adrenaline the first few weeks. I started a new job recently so that distracted me for awhile. I’m no longer on the floor crying every day but somehow I feel I just a muted sadness instead of intense grief most of the time with little interest in being good at my job or doing anything really.

It will take time. You need to grieve the end of that relationship. You’ll gain more clarity as time passes and you gain some perspective. Definitely feel all the emotions but don’t let them drown you. Therapy always helps. The sadness is normal and it will take time for it to go away, just remember you’re so much more than a relationship. You’ve got this!

I was in your position this time last year. I focused by focusing on other things. It’s extremely hard to do. But I did it one thing at a time. Tried out a new yoga class, went to a concert by myself, tried out some pole dancing classes, went to the park and started out at the water, listened to songs that made me FEEL, journaled, made plans with friends to give me something to look forward to, prayed, did my devotions, tried out new TV shows. I could go on and on. But doing different things you wouldn’t normally, especially alone, will teach you how to be in the moment and appreciate it. Brought me a lot of joy even in my pain and sadness.

Woof. You gotta make a list of the bad stuff. The issues. The incompatibilities. The annoyances. The pet peeves. No one is perfect and the sooner you stop romanticising what could have been, the sooner you can move on and find the person who is actually right for you.

Thanks so much ladies! These tips are very helpful. I’ve been doing many of them (listening to all the sad songs, taking myself out, making new friends and seeing the old I neglected from working so much, going to Pilates, praying, throwing myself into new hobbies, trying to focus on mentoring people and caring for relatives I don’t speak to as much as I should). I also have an entire list I made weeks ago of everything he did that annoyed me, including his nuclear farts, loud snoring even in a crowded movie theater, and tendency to forever be an hour late.

I never had problems doing things alone before him. I was the first person to plan a solo international trip or take myself out someplace. I wasn’t really looking to settle down and had been single for years when he came in unexpectedly and pursued me. The thing that makes it awful is nothing really bad happened to end the relationship. We ended on such good terms. It just wasn’t a good fit right now, though we were planning marriage and kids.

My apologies everyone for the delayed response. It’s been really hard to function. I just finished crying so hard I had to stop reviewing a redline until the tears stopped blocking my view. Grateful for work from home days lol.

I’m also recovering from burnout as my last job I recently ended for a new one was very high octane and had very high turnover.

There is a great book and audio book and podcast called "let them" by Mel Robbins. Totally amazing. I recommend it for healing and letting go and doing things for yourself. I am struggling too with other stuff. I am sorry for you.

OP — I feel for you. Please take care of yourself and take sick leave when it gets too hard. These feelings will pass and someday you will meet someone amazing.

F

F

Getting on an online dating app, not necessarily to date but just to see how many options you have might help? I broke up with my high school sweetheart after 12 years, 6 of which were abusive and toxic, and he had me convinced no one else would ever want me. Like a week on dating apps showed me that wasn’t the case at all lol.

The scene from mad men plays in my head a lot when things are hard, the one where don tells Peggy you’ll be surprised how much this won’t matter later. An updated version of this too shall pass. No wise words of getting through it but know that you will get through it and then this won’t matter.