Just had our second and our first is struggling. We knew he’d regress a bit but only wants dad, and refuses to let dad hold the baby. We try to reason with him (ie dad will pick you up when he’s done feeding baby, etc) but nothing seems to be working. Any tips to help with the transition to 2?

10 minute miracle.. each parent sets aside 10 minutes (or more) each day for special one on one time with the eldest. Name it, count down to it, and be fully present (no phones, no baby interruptions etc.). Do whatever they want to do, puzzle, color, whatever. Be so excited and enthusiastic for your special time together and they will start looking forward to it.

Create special jobs for which he is responsible in helping with the baby. Ask for help distracting the baby during diaper changes. Ask the oldest to help soothe the baby or to watch him in the bouncer. Give the oldest special jobs and privileges. Show him being the oldest can be great. Make him feel part of the team.

Thank you all! We’ll be trying some of these. It’s only been a week so hoping it gets better over time.

The above is also super helpful, and I’ve also read that when you have to do something with the little, don’t frame as doing something with the little (so the eldest doesn’t “blame” the little). Instead of saying the baby needs food or the baby needs a diaper change, say we’re going to take a quick break, can you do X for a few minutes? That sort of thing.

My oldest was like this. We have 3 sons.

1:1 time just w oldest son; take for a walk, go get ice cream, etc. That helped but he was still distraught whenever I nursed his brother. My husband went out a picked up a baby doll for my first son. Like a cheap basic baby. My son loved it and would sit next to me w his baby whenever I nursed his brother lol

He wanted nothing to do w his baby brother until his brother grew some and could play/crawl/walk. My oldest wanted his grandparents to take the ‘baby’ w them after visiting lol

My middle son was all over my youngest son. He held him, wanted to mother him, etc. My oldest wanted nothing to do w the youngest either🤦🏻‍♀️

Now as grown adults they all get along and even travel together.

My oldest was like this. We have 3 sons.

1:1 time just w oldest son; take for a walk, go get ice cream, etc. That helped but he was still distraught whenever I nursed his brother. My husband went out a picked up a baby doll for my first son. Like a cheap basic baby. My son loved it and would sit next to me w his baby whenever I nursed his brother lol

He wanted nothing to do w his baby brother until his brother grew some and could play/crawl/walk/put on a cape. lol

My middle son was all over my youngest son. He held him, wanted to mother him, etc. My oldest wanted nothing to do w the youngest either🤦🏻‍♀️

Now as grown adults they all get along and even travel together.

Has the baby gotten your oldest a gift?
If there is some thing your oldest really, really wants, try having the baby present that to them as soon as possible.

I firmly credit our easy transition to the oldest asking for Mavis the train almost daily the whole summer before baby was born, being told no, and then the baby bringing him that train - it was an immediate positive association that also helped keep him occupied the first few weeks of transition

-However we could include #1 as an active participant in the baby care, we did:
bringing diapers or cloths/wipes as needed, putting baby on the floor (+3m) so big brother could build train tracks around them so the baby could 'play' with them, things of that nature

At no point in time would we dismiss / tell #1 to go play when caring for the needs of #2; care was always inclusive.

This did resulted in mom being squished alot because baby might be nursing and the first will snuggle up on the other side.

I promise it gets easier, and these are really going to be some of the happiest days of your life♥️

How old is the kid?