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Rising Star
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Rising Star
He's the one that needs to be asking these questions if he wants to do something about it. You can only ask yourself if you can accept this relationship on these terms
His testosterone is fine, from what he tells me. The only drug side effect I can think of, as other poster mentioned, is he is HIV+ but undetectable, and I wondered if his drug regimen could have anything to do with it. I’m HIV-, so I don’t know about the side effects personally, but he was infected long before we met and things were fine early on.
Have you talked about opening up your relationship consensually?
I don’t want to start my philandering ways again. I’ve never cheated on him and thought I wasn’t like that anymore. But it is frustrating. Anyone been in this situation who did anything constructive about it?
Have you discussed this with him before? Did the topic of opening the relationship come up, to let you get your physical needs met in a way that maintains your emotional relationship?
Opening the relationship up won’t work. We’re both insanely jealous and possessive people. My goal in life isn’t to end up on Dateline… that’s a bit of a joke. I think either one of us would end it immediately if we found out the other stepped outside the relationship. We’ll just have to talk about it. Which I’ve been bringing up.
Are you uk
Is your partner also in “very good shape”? I found that when I was letting myself go during my relationship, my drive took a nosedive. As I got into better shape, my drive has spiked back up. With my partner, I feel like his drive was higher when mine was lower and now I wouldn’t mind if his drive was as high as it used to be. No real advice except communicating and more self-pleasuring if needed.
The first thing that came to mind is are you two willing to open up the relationship? If not, he needs to appreciate while this isn’t his need, it doesn’t invalidate your needs. A good partnership should be able to balance that or establish rules that work. If figuring out the balance or new rules aren’t acceptable, it might be time for counseling or some really difficult decisions.
I will share this was a problem in my marriage. I was the one that lost interest (no ED). But mine was related to a) side effects from a prescription drug suppressing my testosterone and b) my husband constantly lying and mistreating me so I fell out of love with him and couldn’t force myself through the sex motions anymore. Maybe another option is to have a doctor check his testosterone? That condition has more consequences than just sex drive. That testing may do you both a favor ☺️
This is more action than most couples even monogamous ones! At least your still intimate
Ask him to open the relationship sexually. You get sex without cheating via ethical non-monogamy, and you can preserve other aspects of your relationship.
I understand that frustration.When I was taking Paxil for anxiety/depression I became totally impotent. To make things worse he was a consistent bottom. When we broke up he was like It's not you it's me Aw that's sweet babe but we both know It's me
You are not feeling satisfied… talk it with him… let him know how are you feeling and how his lack of action is making you feel…
Relationship is not all about sex... It's companionship... Friendship...
A relationship is about many things, and one of those things can be sex
Rising Star
+1 to discussing this with him in a kind, loving way and seeing his response, what solutions he proposes. Have things improved at all with the ED meds?
I understand sex is a very important piece of a relationship but please don’t cheat on him, no one wins in that situation. If all else fails, consider if an open relationship will work for you both.
Man, I feel this - except my partner doesn’t get me off at all. Not that they refuse, it’s just inauthentic for them (also ED) and I wouldn’t want to force it. I usually just do it myself and love my partner despite it all.
This is the situation where I’ve started cheating in the past. I was in a relationship previously for 20 years (we met in grad school). I started living a double life 12 years in. It was exhausting. (My current partner was actually a paramour at first—he doesn’t know that—and I hid it well so that my ex never found out.) I guess my point is that I don’t want to go back to that and am trying to avoid it. The only good things to come out of my previous life were my partner now and the airline miles. But I think I’ll get there with him. It’s just winding back our sex life to what it was a couple of years ago.