Those of you raising children in Washington, DC, how is it going?

I’m ttc now and thinking about leaving big law for a federal job (I have the offer), but not sure if DC is manageable without the big law salary. I own my house, so not ready to move out of the city yet.

Leaving big law means my kids will grow up in a tiny row house and attend public school. I feel kind of selfish, but I don’t have it in me to stay in big law anymore.

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Not in DC but, my toddler splits time between a large multi million dollar mansion and a tiny 3 bedroom bought for less than 300k and literally has 0 preference between the two. She just wants to spend as much time with her parents (and coloring and finger painting) as possible. Actually, we don’t let her finger paint outside of her own bedroom in the fancy house so she might like that house less lol.

We’ll also be sending her to public school (even though we could afford private) because we both went to good publics and like to think we turned out better than some people we know who only ever attended private school.

As someone who used to work in biglaw, I really can’t imagine working those hours with a child and being the kind of mom I’d like to be (of course, some fabulous mothers do and, in their cases, it might be what’s best for their families! I just don’t think a bigger house or a private school would make a difference in my own calculus).

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Thank you for the perspective, this was really helpful to hear!

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As someone who was raised in DC in a “tiny row home” and went to public schools, I think I’ve done amazing. Several public schools are great and rival private schools in the area. DC has a mix of detached and row homes. If you want even more space, you can always decide to live in the Maryland or Virginia. Most federal workers do not live in DC.

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Thank you! And sorry, I didn’t mean to sound condescending or out of touch, I’m spiraling a bit about giving up big law!

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If it helps give some perspective, I have a 3 year old and a 2 year old (had my oldest when I was a 3rd year I think) and live in a VHCOL (gentrified SF Bay Area suburb). I'm only in BigLaw because I need the money to make sure they have a good life here. But also consider whether you can even be the kind of mom you want to be if you work in BigLaw. I can't. I'm constantly failing at my job and at motherhood and right now because my kids are so small I let myself fail slightly more at my job. I make it work and I'm sure many other women do too but I think it's worth considering what you want to give your children the most and how you can do that. I'm trying to give them both financial security and emotional availability, since I had neither when I was growing up... it's a balance.

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I also grew up with neither, so your comment really hit home for me. I really wish there was a way to balance both, but every mother I know in big law is struggling, and I’m not sure what the bigger priority should be.

BigLaw in DC with a 1 year old and pregnant with number 2. We live in Arlington approx 15 min from the city. It’s a very small home (1400 sq ft) but it’s in a safe area. BigLaw with kids/pregnant is a nightmare, at least for me, so good on you for thinking about a change!

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I’d also add— if you want kids, go for it! No one knows what their TTC journey will be like and I wouldnt wait for things to be “perfect,” whatever “perfect” is to you (home, job, etc.)

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I would really do the math. The “tiny row homes” in DC are over a million dollars. I would not live in DC on a federal government salary, assuming your partner doesn’t make 3 times as much.

Schools are a mixed bag. Preschool is based on a lottery. The old adage about public schools in NW DC—like Wilson HS—is “Yale or jail.” Most kids go one way or the other. Public schools outside NW are a non-starter IMO.

I would not raise my kids in DC, or any city, because I don’t want them to breathe in street pollution every day. We live in Montgomery County though, just outside DC, and back up to a park so it’s very green. I lived in DC for many years but left for MoCo when I got pregnant.

In many ways, firms offer more flexibility than the government, which tends to tee total time out of the office. I would choose a reduced schedule, remote gig on a good team in BigLaw over the federal government for sure.

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We live right outside of DC (have a hybrid setup so do not have to drive to DC everyday), zoned to Langley pyramid. There are some fantastic opportunities for kids. There are lots of opportunities of exposure for kids in the DC area. For eg I am taking by 10 year to a Supreme Court hearing next month. There are also some other top notch schools (TJ) and several great private schools as well.

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